I am reminded again why I hate not having a clear, committed relationship.

Sharon and I still haven't managed a second date. One thing or another gets in the way. Excuses? Just real life? I just don't know.

She still contacts me (instead of just replying when I contact her) which I suppose is a good sign. She has mentioned things like going on vacation but, even though a lot of guys are going, 'just looking'. She has mentioned that the guy she thinks her brother is trying to set her up with is - 'Just a friend' when I specifically asked if this was a new beau or not.

We've gone on one date and spent a lot of time chatting. She doesn't owe me anything. And the above still seems positive.

On the other hand our actual conversations seem a bit more strained and less natural. Maybe that's just a matter of starting to run out of historical things to talk about, or being busy or what have you. I just don't know.

I hate this. Being alone is pretty much always a recipe for depression for me. Most times I can rub along but last night and to a certain extent today I'm just feeling beat down over the whole thing.

I'm just tired. Don't know how else to describe it. Tired and sad and I don't like sitting alone in a big empty house, like I was last night. I'm not even sure what it is I need in my life. I'm strongly suspecting (much to my surprise) that this isn't really about sex - although that stress plays a part. More companionship I think.

So tired about all this. Just tired.

I apologize for being whiney but I can't really to anyone else. I don't talk well to guys (I have issues opening up about things like this) and any lady friends I might have - well I don't want to come across as guilt tripping or anything like that. Which leaves me pretty much RAFO. So apologies for bothering you with this, I just don't have anywhere else to go right now in my life.