Writing a journal entry is often a good way to work out a problem, relieve some tension, or get good advice from the other people here at RAFO. You have the option to make them private or public and can change that at any time after you’ve posted. Below are the most recent public entries for you to view and comment on if you’ve good advice or commiserations to add.
DIet going well still. I am 2 inches less on hips and 2 inches less on waist. Yay! I'm down 22 lbs in 6 weeks which is good. But the last couple weeks it has been slow going. I'm going back to basics to see if I can restart the weight loss again. The inflammation is still under control. Shark week this month was rough. I wasn't used to the pain like that, and I got a migraine. That sucks. Energy is good. And we are all doing better right now in our grief waves. being so far removed from family for so long it is hard for us to remember that we can't just pick up the phone and continue our conversations. We are planning to move back to Dallas/Fort Worth when Adam retires in a few years from being a badass submariner. I'm sure we will feel the difference then very keenly. And through all the visits back and forth. Keto on fellow RAFOnauts! RAFOnians! RAFOists? RAFOans?
Down 15 lbs. Still grieving. Had a huge blow up with the husband last night and we both broke down because we were really caught in a deep grief wave. There are people who are watch towers in life. People who speak sense who can guide and advise and show you a path you never knew you could take. These people do all this and make you think you did it all on your own. I know my husband lost one of his two most powerful watchtowers. I know I lost one of mine as well. He will be traveling this week to be at the services for his dad. I am so angry that I can't go. Our oldest has been through a rough flu and we are still trying to catch him up on weakness and school work. His autism makes both so much more difficult a task. That is besides the cost of fly 4 people, and hotel, car, food. Taran needs up so have a hotel room so he has a neutral space he can recharge in. The money, the school, the kids, I still wish I was going with him. I'm angry. I'm angry because I asked him to tell his family when our family could get there together the soonest. He wouldn't, thought it was selfish. We have the furthest to travel, and have to pay the most to be there. I don't feel a small request before the date was even set would have been out of line. SO I'm angry. I get to grieve alone. I am a good Navy wife. I know how to wait. I know how to run our home alone. I know how to be on hold and holding my breath knowing my husband is out there doing difficult and important work. I support him. I am livid that I have to wait on this, I have to hear him on the phone in anguish without me there to hold him. That My boys won't be standing next to him to be his comforts. I became so angry last night that I shut down. I didn't even know I was angry until right before dinner last night. It was building that I was so sad I wasn't going, then I couldn't believe I wasn't going, Then I was angry. It is not easy being the family who is not present. We post about everything online to keep our families in the loop. We get no consideration for important family dates except "We hope you can manage to be there." I'm all about accommodations because that is all I can do, accommodate and change and be flexible when extensions and more extensions then open ended extensions happen. I'm frustrated. I know my family would consult me. I know I would be involved in the planning of something so important. I don't think they even know how much it hurts to be an after thought. No even a footnote. Not a how does this date fit for you, or how soon can you four be here to complete our family circle to grieve together. I'm pissed. We sacrifice a lot. I wanted to be there so see My dad-in-law celebrated. To hear the stories. To introduce his namesake to family coming into town. I want to be there to support my mom-in-law. To make sure she has everything she needs, wants, or could possibly bring her comfort. Like her grandsons. Yes, I'm angry and I'm sad, and I'm frustrated.
So yeah, the diet is simple. don't eat refined sugar, stay away form grains, root vegetables, and insulin spiking foods. I eat well. I eat good food. I make beef sauteed with spinach and tomatoes and olives topped with cheese with a big salad with avocado and couple cherry tomatoes and sunflower seeds topped with vinaigrette. I eat eggs and bacon and sausages. I drink coffee, and lots or water. I use real yummy Irish butter to cook in and to eat. I'm losing weight. I do not feel I'm limited by this diet. I feel like I"m learning a real proper healthy way to eat.
It is times like these when I realize as much as family love each other, we are all on our own to find happiness. I worry so much about all of them. I want to take care of them and be ther for them, but then this happens and I realize I'm not essential. and that hurts. Pity party table of 1.
Update 3 day 1 of week 3
Author: kazetaran Send a noteboard
Posted: 20/03/2017 04:01:06 PM
I have a very heavy heart and clouded mind. The greatest man I have ever know has died. He died very shortly after his family made peace with his choice to not live on life sustaining methods. My father in law spent his life helping people. He was a minister in the Anglican church for his whole adult life. He traveled all over the world putting deed to his words by building houses and improving life as much as he could for as many as he could. I am not a religious person, and Richard and I had many discussions about spirituality, God, Parenting, and general harassing. Never a cross word. Always praise and kindness and love. Acceptance for what ever I felt was important to be my importance and no less importance that his beliefs. I can't believe I won't get another hug or a joke or watch him play with the grand kids again. He was managing his Parkinson's. Had to have emergency abdominal surgery and never truly came back. He started to return and soon succumbed again. Another surgery. When that did not make things better and he started slipping away more, His lovely bride of nearly 50 years made the decision to make him comfortable and not fight back. So many things were going wrong, so much internal bleeding and just pain. It was unexpected, it was sudden. And I will miss my friend of a father in law. He adopted me and my son when his youngest boy finally brought me home to meet the family. I am so lucky in my married families. Even in my first marriage. Just wonderful people added to my life. My husband is devastated. I have put myself in charge of feeding him. Besides being here to comfort and console him. Our youngest boy, named after his Grandfather, is crushed. "He is my best friend. We have the same name. His body stopped like Haplo (our dog who passed last month)." Taran takes time to sort his feelings before he expresses them. they can be so intense and his autism makes it hard to make sense of them. He'll come to us when he is ready. I hope the whole family can fly to Dallas to be part of saying goodbye to such an august representative of Faith. And to mourn with our family about losing our Da.
Keto update. Still going strong. Down 10 lbs. Energy level is so much more consistent throughout the day. I never get starving hungry. The sugar addiction is still there. I'm not missing bread, I'm not missing pasta or potatoes, I miss the decadent cakes and cookies. I'm learning to make substitutes for now and will tackle that later on. Keto strong! -10lbs!!!
I am slowly learning the lingo for the Keto way. IT is not a diet. It is a WOE, way of eating. That being said. I'm on day 12 of my diet. -8lbs. Feeling really good. MOre energy all day. NO spiking and crashing the last four or five days. I'm adjusting my percentages and tweaking what works for me. I was craving sweets a lot, the sugar addiction is crazy tough, so I made up some cream cheese fluffs. I molded them into avengers ice tray and I eat one a day to help with sweets craving. A lot of people ask my why I'm doing this, I will just gain the weight back, that it isn't worth time and energy. Well, I don't plan on eating the way I did ever again. When I get to my target goal I will just go to maintenance mode. I doubt my inflammation will just be gone if I start eating sugar again even at 110 lbs. Or that my thyroid will magically heal and give me all my energy back. This diet has been around for decades and works for so many ailments. I suppose I'm becoming a convert. I know I had to be ready for change or it would do me no good. Maybe I would have chosen another path if it had come my way. I am ready to make these life long changes and healthy choices. I will be adding swimming and weight training very soon. Keto On! -8 lbs
I changed my diet to a full on Keto diet on Monday March 6,2017. Today is my fourth day and first thing this morning I decided to try a weigh in, down 5 lbs. That isn't the best news though. My energy levels are up. My anxiety and depression are decreasing. And my productivity has jumped. I am having a few symptoms of the keto flu as my body adjusts to being a fat burning machine, but drinking electrolyte water has helped that a lot. I can feel my metabolism shifting up in gears. And I am feeling rather awesome. I've been getting creative with meals. Trying to make sure I'm using the best for me ingredients. I made Broccoli bacon cheesy chicken, Parm almond steak bites, coconut beef stirfry, and tonight I'm making cheesy spinach tomato beef. I eat a whole avocado almost everyday. And my favorite black olives are usually my night time snack. I still need to shop for a few keto friedly ingredients like nuts, and some seeds. I like to use sunflower kernels as a snack some times. I have had cravings. A sugar addiction doesn't go away overnight. It will fight back. I found a soda I can grab in emergency. Zevia. It is sweetened with Stevia and I'm going to use it for mixed adult beverages. Lots of water. I know this has to be a life long diet or all the weight will return. I am ready to say so long to bad food and habits. Soon I will add the gym to this diet.
I am starting my keto diet today. My blood sugar is all over the place and I'm pre-diabetic. Time for changes. I hadn't gotten far enough in my beginners keto book to know about percentages and such, so today I went over in carbs. My percentages are now set in myfitnesspal as: carbs 10%, protein 30%, fat 60%. Coffee is acceptable, also whole milk, and chocolate. I can survive on that! I discovered a delicious smoothie made with avocados, cocoa powder, honey, and milk that makes a delicious pudding for when I need decadence. My husband is ready to do this with me, so that will be a huge support. The last time I seriously watched and logged my food I lost 30 lbs in three months. Stress sucks and I gained it back plus over the last year during an uncertain future while the bear worked on getting a waiver to remain in the submarine force with his kidney stones. I don't deal so well with stress and uncertainty. That is why I married a sailor. I joined a support group on the facebook for keto diet. (I'm already in several for being a sub/navy/mil spouse) Cross fingers! I'm so tired of being so tired and sick all the time. Also getting set up for a sleep study and surgery to get the tubes tied. This baby factory is offline! (I'm 42 in September no more babies!!) I'll check back in next week for the update and some numbers, since I'm waiting for kids to sleep before getting naked and weighing and measuring everything.
Seriously, My little family unit, got a dog. A German Sheppard named, Roslyn Mae. Rosie, she's a little high strung, like shae, like me.
It took me a LONG time to come to grips with the hows, the whys, the whatthefuckevers. I could apologize until i am blue in the face and it wouldn't matter. I'm pretty much over it. Lessons were learned, mistakes were made. Really bad, unforgivable mistakes. I get that. I take full responsibility for my end of that shit fest. that's really, all I have to say about that.
There is no way I can continue working here. My boss is a sociopath - as in, devoid of compassion or consideration for other people. The incident that decided me wasn't even about me - it was about someone else. I know for certain now that I cannot stay here long-term. I cannot work for someone evil. So I have a focus now - focus on research, preparing stories to tell during interviews, revamping my resume to reflect what I want to be doing, and then doing it. It doesn't matter that my bonus is paid March-June. In the long term, that money doesn't even matter.
I took this vacation because for the last several weeks I was angry every morning going to work. At work too, but the fury starts in the morning. I told myself to give until March 1. I have another vacation coming up, maybe that will help. But if this feeling doesn't go away after a month, that's a problem.
i tried posting on the CMB, but uh
Author: BeccaStarr Send a noteboard
Posted: 24/11/2013 01:18:22 AM
it keeps telling me, I entered something incorrectly, so here i am. Amy i am sorry to hear about Chuck's condition. Prayers sent your way.
I've got seasonal affective disorder, or at least my version of it. I don't get it in the dark of winter, I get it when the temperature shifts from summer to fall - the fall blues is what I call it. Sets in usually early to mid-October, or late September, and hopefully gone in December, once temperatures stabilize. It's a mean bugger, and it took me several days just to recognize what was happening. Awareness is key though. I am approaching this like a depression, like a disease. So, my action plan:
Gym. Physical activity is key to regulating moods, levels of energy and feelings of well-being. Now that I know I'm supposed to be feeling sluggish and fatigued, it won't stop me from starting to exercise again. Medicinal exercise, not to feel good, but to keep from feeling worse.
Energetic morning routine. Mornings set the tone for the entire day.
Resist the slide into apathy. Don't let yourself wallow.
Pour energy into work. Since you won't be feeling well, might as well be productive, so there's something to show at the end of it. I'm not asking you to throw yourself into social interactions, but this kind of introverted mood is actually perfect for getting work done. Repeat: you're not happy anyway, might as well work.
Don't break up with your boyfriend. Don't avoid him, don't push him away. Make sure to see him about twice a week.
Eat lunch. Eat dinner. But at least lunch. You don't have to save money, you have enough money.
Before any action, whether it's deciding to be late to work, to not go into a meeting, to cancel plans with friends, to skip meals, to be grumpy - ask yourself, is this a manifestation of the fall blues? What's the intention behind this action? Is it to make yourself feel worse, to let the disease take deeper root?
More pathetic wangst from me
Author: Yunalesca Send a noteboard
Posted: 04/09/2013 01:37:24 AM
and this time its a doozy. I'm basically trapped in two love triangles.
One is very ambiguous as person 2 and 3 may or may not be dating or even feel that way but I feel like I can't ask either about what's going on as I haven't been friends with either for very long and I don't want my craziness to ruin the friendship I have with both.
The other is simpler but so much worse as person 2 in that one is dating someone else and I feel horrible for still having feelings for him and trying to be friendly.
How do I even start to get out of this mess? I hate love triangles and I don't want to hurt anyone else involved. Am I just being totally stupid and over sensitive or am I a horrible person?
I spent the last week helping move and get my little brother set up in his apartment in Bloomington, Indiana, home of Indiana University, where he will begin his doctoral program in microbiology. Bloomington seems like a nice place. I didn't get to see a lot of it, but what I did see was nice.
As with any move, there are always a few hiccups. The most serious is my back. I hurt it pretty badly moving this god-awful leather recliner out of my dad's house. The thing is big and wide and I wrenched my back bringing it up the narrow staircase to the basement. But, as long as I don't do anymore heavy lifting for a while, it should be fine.
The drive to Bloomington went well (we stopped a night at my big brother's house in Illinois), but when we arrived we couldn't get in the apartment. The property manager wasn't there to meet us like he was supposed to. We called him, but got the recording saying the customer is not available. So we called the building's owner. He showed up quickly, but he couldn't get a hold of the property manager either. The owner's daughter had the apartment before my brother (so the amenities are a little better than the other units), so he called his wife to see if she had a spare key left behind by their daughter. She showed up with two keys, neither of which worked. So the owner called a locksmith. The first locksmith tried to pick the lock but couldn't. Another one showed up and they decided to drill out the locks and install new ones. The owner (also a state appeals court judge) was embarrassed about the whole situation, which he apologized for many times and he gave us a $150 gift card to a nice restaurant.
The only real drawback to the apartment in my view is the air conditioner. It is very loud. So loud that we would've had to turn up the sound on the TV so high, the neighbors would hear every word perfectly, but instead we turned on the captioning.
And finally, I'm gonna miss the little twerp.
From the "How is that News?" Department
Author: Palatine Send a noteboard
Posted: 09/07/2013 03:43:14 PM
Paraphrase of the BBC World Service:
People who sing together in a choir have near exact heartbeats.
I heard that and thought, "Duh. They're breathing the same amount at the same time." The rest of the report went on to say exactly that, but in more words, while also saying this was amazing. No, it's not amazing, it's common sense. Then it said, (I guess as justification; implying it's health news) that singing lowers blood pressure. Again, I thought, "Duh. All that breath-holding is gonna do that."
I guess it must have been a slow news day and it can only analyze Egypt so much. But still, why report something as news that isn't actually news? The worst is the part where the report said scientists studied the effect.
I can imagine actual scientists proposing this idea and being the curious sort they are, testing the theory. But I can't imagine they'd write a paper about it or issue a press release. At best, I see them talking about it with colleagues over some drinks.
My husband got his diagnosis. I'm not going to post it here, but if you would like to be brought up to date - please send me a note (or message me on Facebook if we are friends there).
I will say this. It's very, very bad
Probably staying put for now
Author: Aeryn Send a noteboard
Posted: 09/05/2013 01:50:46 PM
So I probably will stay at my current job for now. First big reason is money and time off. I already have big vacation plans and would have to save for a while to cover them, and save even more if I plan on taking a 60% salary cut. I can also use my tenure here as leverage for more vacation days, which I realize I need desperately. But I have been very energized in the last 2 weeks, more so than ever before. I'm saying yes to all and any meetings, I'm doing networking outside (going to meetup groups that catch my eye), also smiling at people in meetings. That makes a big difference. Went to a client meeting with my boss yesterday, got to watch how he talks with clients. I need more data to learn. I've also identified a bunch of books on selling/marketing/networking, going to be reading more.
Another development that makes me more optimistic, the boss mentioned they might be merging with a smaller team that's coming over soon - a woman financial advisor, analyst and client associate. I want to be in a larger group, have more people to talk with. A larger group is more opportunities. Oh, and my target is going to be 401(k) plans and pension plans. I'm going to learn all about this stuff, and then we'll start prospecting.
So we'll see how my energy level holds up after several weeks and several months. Also getting the intern will help me with economic research. I need 4 weeks of vacation damn it!!!
I've been bouncing around different ideas for the next step in my career, and the latest is - financial advisor. An older alum of my school believes wealth management is the best, and that I can totally do it. At first I was intimidated by the idea of a sales based business, and this particular company has very high hurdles - you have to bring in several millions of assets in the first year, but then I started thinking about it, and I had all these ideas. There are enough people in my parents and friends network who could give me professional leads for contact with accountants and attorneys, and that's how you get started. My parents have wanted me to do this.
Granted, I also got really excited about several other opportunities when they came up, from programmer to consultant to relationship manager, but this is different. One, it's a direct continuation of my career path, not a sideways move. This is the business I've been in for 6 years and work I'm good at. Two, the alumna wants to mentor me and take me on as a junior partner, and that makes all the different. It was the biggest complaint people had about that company's program, the lack of mentoring by senior advisors (and also the short time in which to bring in business). Three, this is essentially like becoming a small business owner. A big risk, low salary for the first two years, a lot of work, but unlimited growth opportunity and the satisfaction of building your own business. It would get me out of the rat race. It would give me a vision of what i will be doing 10, 20 years - something I don't have now.
So I'm still excited about this in the morning. I'll talk to my bf and parents about it (how willing would they be to help me network? would they trust me with their money? how do I get through the first year of low salary?). I do so love having something to look forward to. My mind is always working, always churning. Currently the only creative outlet I have is planning my vacations, and watching my own investments & budget. This could give me another one.
Back on March 24th, I crashed my beloved 2004 Chevy Suburban (big, beautiful gas guzzling monster). It was Saturday night and me and a friend were headed to the bar for some drinks and food after work. It had begun to snow just recently in the evening and it was coming down hard and the wind was blowing fiercely.
Me and my friend, Heather, entered the highway. The on ramp is a very sharp turn, which causes one to go slow even in good weather. I entered fine, but the on ramp lane quickly turns into an exit ramp lane, so I needed to get over. I signaled, looked and began to get over to my left. After getting into the next lane, my truck began to fishtail to the left. That's when it all went bad.
I was only doing about 35 mph. I honestly don't remember if I corrected in the wrong direction or not. But the back end kept going. We ended up doing a full spin plus a little more. When the car finally stopped its spin, we were headed for the concrete guard rail on the right side of the highway. The front right side of my truck hit and we bounced back about five feet. Me and Heather suffered only minor injuries. I bruised my sternum where my seat belt lay across my chest. Heather got a nasty bruise on her right knee. We both had some sore muscles for a while in our upper backs. Probably some minor whiplash. In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have gotten on an elevated highway while it was snowing that heavily and had only begun so recently that there hadn't been any plowing done yet.
Cutting out some unimportant details here, to make this shorter, my car was towed. Heather's husband came and picked us up. Well, finally the insurance company decided to total the car. This particularly sucked because I only had three more payments left on it. The insurance company took a little too long, in my opinion, to get me a check, but they did give me more for it than I thought they would, so I was pleased about that.
I used that money as a down payment on my new vehicle. It's not my dream car, nor anything special. I just needed a ride--going without for three weeks is quite annoying. Anyway, I bought a 2010 Jeep Compass. It has 4WD which my Suburban did not. I bought the Suburban when I lived in suburban L.A. There's not a lot of call for 4WD there, unless you go to the mountains a lot, which I didn't. 4WD was not a concern when I bought it, therefore. The Jeep was rather cheap. It's a manual transmission and doesn't have a lot of bells and whistles. Again, I was going for transportation rather than what I really wanted. More good news is that with my very good credit rating I got a 1.85% interest rate and monthly payments under $150 per month.
Anyway, that's my little story.