(i.e., not somebody who just wants to let you two beat each other up under the guise of bringing up your issues). The focus has to be improved communication and building a foundation to move forward with each other, not rehashing and placing blame for the past.

Right now it seems like neither one of you is having your needs met though, and that's an awful spot to be in. But that's exactly the kind of thing that a good therapist can help you with.

FWIW, I probably wouldn't buy the wall unit organizer right now if you'll resent/regret the expense (that seems less urgent with her not living in the house?) but I'd go through with the bus pass. You can set aside the money for the organizer for when she moves back in, or you can shift the priority list a bit and use the money for something else that makes more sense at the moment?

I'm sorry this is so frustrating But good for you for being able to control yourself and not further damage the situation.