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Real name: April
Gender: Female
Age: 39
Country: United States


Date joined: Aug. 30, 2009
Messageboard posts:
    * Community: 309
    * Books: 405
    * Wheel of Time: 16
    * TV & Movies: 4

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Other Information

Reads of 2013:
1. Chime- Franny Billingsley
*2. Unwind- Neal Shusterman
*3. A Memory of Light- Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson
4. Errantry- Elizabeth Hand
*5. Tuf Voyaging- George RR Martin
*6. Clockwork Phoenix 2- ed. Mike Allen
7. Murder of Angels- Caitlin Kiernan
*8. Rebellion- Ian Irvine
9. Gentleman Junkie- Harlan Ellison
10. Extremities- David Lubar
11. The Peacock Cloak- Chris Beckett
12. Beauty- Brian D'Amato
*13. Across the Event Horizon- Mercurio D. Rivera
14. Inhuman- Kat Falls

Reads of 2012:
*1. The Kingdom of Gods- N.K. Jemisin
*2. Daughter of Smoke and Bone- Laini Taylor
3. Thomas World- Richard Cox
*4. Winter's Dreams- Glen Cook
*5. The Book Thief- Marcus Zusak
*6. Catch the Lightning- Catherine Asaro
*7. The Birthgrave- Tanith Lee
8. Divergent- Veronica Roth
9. Somewhere Beneath Those Waves- Sarah Monette
10. Darwin Awards: Chlorinating the Gene Pool- Wendy Northcutt
11. The Games- Ted Kosmatka
12. 172 Hours on the Moon- Johan Harstad
13. Women Scorned- Angela Alsaleem
14. Howl's Moving Castle- Diana Wynne Jones
*15. Vengeance- Ian Irvine
*16. Blade of Tyshalle- Matthew Stover
17. Caine's Law- Matthew Stover
18. Before and Gone- J. M. Pierce
19. Sandman- Dream Country- Neil Gaiman
20. Jumper- Steven Gould
21. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy- Douglas Adams
22. Dying of the Light- George R. R. Martin
23. The Brain Eater's Bible- Pat Kilbane
24. Invitation to a Beheading- Vladimir Nabokov
25. To Reign In Hell- Steven Brust
26. A Fantasy Medley 2- ed. Yanni Kuznia
*27. Lovedeath- Dan Simmons
28. Orb- Gary Tarulli
29. Marley and Me- John Grogan
30. The Miniature Wife and Other Stories- Manuel Gonzales

Reads of 2011:
*1. The Door Into Fire- Diane Duane
2. Palimpsest- Catherynne M. Valente
3. The Thief- Megan Whalen Turner
4. Elfland- Freda Warrington
5. A Shadow in Summer- Daniel Abraham
*6. Calenture- Storm Constantine
7. Sacrament- Clive Barker
8. Snuff- Chuck Palahniuk
9. Magic Study- Maria V. Snyder
10. Fire Study- Maria V. Snyder
*11. The Hunger Games- Suzanne Collins
*12. Catching Fire- Suzanne Collins
13. Mockingjay- Suzanne Collins
14. The Queen of Attolia- Megan Whalen Turner
15. Among Thieves- Douglas Hulick
16. Naamah's Kiss- Jacqueline Carey
*17. The Ruby Dice- Catherine Asaro
18. Ariel- Stephen R. Boyett
19. Dark Dance- Tanith Lee
20. Personal Darkness- Tanith Lee
21. Darkness, I- Tanith Lee
22. The Perks of Being A Wallflower- Stephen Chbosky
*23. Shadowfall- James Clemens
*24. The Door Into Shadow- Diane Duane
25. The Garden of the Stone- Victoria Strauss
*26. The Door Into Sunset- Diane Duane
27. Towing Jehovah- James Morrow
*28. We Need to Talk About Kevin- Lionel Shriver
29. Enemy Mine- Barry B. Longyear
30. Creatures of Light and Darkness- Roger Zelazny
31. 501 Ways for Adult Students to Pay for College- Gen Tanabe
32. Brave New Worlds- Ed. John Joseph Adams
*33. Unwelcome Bodies- Jennifer Pelland
34. Clockwork Phoenix: Tales of Beauty and Strangeness- Ed. Mike Allen
35. Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex- Mary Roach
36. Stories for Nighttime and Some for the Day- Ben Loory
37. Swords of the Rainbow- ed. Eric Garber and Jewelle Gomez
*38. Ashes- Ilsa J. Bick
39. City Without End- Kay Kenyon
*40. Prince of Storms- Kay Kenyon
41. Icefall- Matthew J. Kirby
42. Diamond Star- Catherine Asaro
43. Mouse Guard Fall 1152- David Peterson
44. Dead to You- Lisa Mcmann
45. The Last of the Dragons and Some Others- E. Nesbitt
46. Carnelians- Catherine Asaro
47. The Suicide Collectors- David Oppegaard
*48. The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms- N. K. Jemisin
49. The Broken Kingdoms- N. K. Jemisin
50. Sandman- Preludes and Nocturnes- Neil Gaiman
51. Sandman- The Doll's House- Neil Gaiman
52. An Exchange of Hostages- Susan R. Matthews
53. The Dragonbone Chair- Tad Williams

Reads of 2010:
1. Empire Star- Samuel R. Delany
2. Babel-17- Samuel R. Delany
3. Where Late the Sweet Birds Sang- Kate Wilhelm
4. Shadowdance- Robin Wayne Bailey
5. A World Too Near- Kay Kenyon
6. Wicked Gentlemen- Ginn Hale
7. Cat Wrangling Made Easy- Dusty Rainbolt
8. Black Magic Woman- Justin Gustainis
*9. The Bone Doll's Twin- Lynn Flewelling
10. Hidden Warrior- Lynn Flewelling
11. The Oracle's Queen- Lynn Flewelling
12. The Book of the Damned- Tanith Lee
13. Luck in the Shadows- Lynn Flewelling
*14. Stalking Darkness- Lynn Flewelling
15. Traitor's Moon- Lynn Flewelling
*16. Shadows Return- Lynn Flewelling
17. Air- Geoff Ryman
18. Wicked Burn- Beth Kery
19. A Different Light- Elizabeth A. Lynn
20. Sabriel- Garth Nix
21. Poison Study- Maria V. Snyder
22. Sword-Dancer- Jennifer Roberson
23. Koko- Peter Straub
24. Feeble Tyranny- Jason P. Sumner
25. The White Road- Lynn Flewelling
26. Dark Folds- Joshua Kelly
27. Back Roads- Tawni O'Dell
28. Brother to Dragons, Companion to Owls- Jane Lindskold
29. The Stone Prince- Fiona Patton
30. Black Unicorn- Tanith Lee
31. A Child Called It- Dave Pelzer
*32. Heroes Die- Matthew Woodring Stover
33. By the Mountain Bound- Elizabeth Bear
34. The Ladies of Mandrigyn- Barbara Hambly
35. Drawing Blood- Poppy Z. Brite
36. Hannibal Rising- Thomas Harris
37. Towers of Midnight- Robert Jordan/ Brandon Sanderson
*38. The Character of Cats- Stephen Budiansky
*39. Lord of Snow and Shadows- Sarah Ash
*40. Prisoner of the Iron Tower- Sarah Ash
*41. Children of the Serpent Gate- Sarah Ash
42. Dragonsbane- Barbara Hambly

Reads of 2009:
1. Stardust- Neil Gaiman
2. The Final Key- Catherine Asaro
3. The Ruins- Scott Smith
4. The Blade Itself- Joe Abercrombie
5. Darwinia- Robert Charles Wilson
6. Geek Love- Katherine Dunn
7. Before they are Hanged- Joe Abercrombie
8. Last Argument of Kings- Joe Abercrombie
9. Why Don't Cats Go Bald?- Skip Sullivan
10. Another Day in the Frontal Lobe- Katrina Firlik
*11. Duma Key- Stephen King
12. Hope's Folly- Linnea Sinclair
13. Watership Down- Richard Adams
14. The Solaris Book of New Science Fiction- ed. George Mann
15. The Alchemist- Paulo Coelho
16. The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon- Stephen King
17. The Telling- Ursula K. Le Guin
18. Maledicte- Lane Robins
19. Watchmen- Alan Moore
20. Corambis- Sarah Monette
21. The Woman Who Swallowed a Toothbrush- Rob Myers
*22. The Moon's Shadow- Catherine Asaro
23. Spherical Harmonic- Catherine Asaro
*24. The Silver Metal Lover- Tanith Lee
25. Archangel Protocol- Lyda Morehouse
26. Last Last Chance- Fiona Maazel
27. Dante's Equation- Jane Jensen
28. Empire of Ants- Bernard Werber
29. The Catcher in the Rye- JD Salinger
30. Planet Cat- Arden Moore
31. Homer's Odyssey- Gwen Cooper
32. The Reader- Bernhard Schlink
33. Cell- Stephen King
34. Summer of the Apocalypse- James van Pelt
35. Blue Diablo- Ann Aguirre
36. Skyfall- Catherine Asaro
*37. Of Darkness, Light, and Fire- Tanya Huff
38. Heart Shaped Box- Joe Hill
39. We- Yevgeny Zamyatin
*40. Hart's Hope- Orson Scott Card
41. Dirty Little Angels- Chris Tusa
42. Year's Best Fantasy (2001)- ed. David Hartwell
43. The Annunciate- Severna Park
44. The Cat's IQ Test- Melissa Miller
45. The Simple and Savvy Wine Guide- Leslie Sbrocco
46. The Phoenix Code- Catherine Asaro
47. Sea Dragon Heir- Storm Constantine
48. The Crown of Silence- Storm Constantine
*49. The Way of Light- Storm Constantine
*50. The Gathering Storm- Robert Jordan/ Brandon Sanderson
51. John Dies at the End- David Wong
52. Choke- Chuck Palahniuk
53. The Kingdom of Auschwitz- Otto Freidrich
54. The Hollow Man- Dan Simmons
55. I Who Have Never Known Men- Jacqueline Harpman
56. Undercover- Lauren Dane
57. My Soul to Keep- Tananarive Due
58. Fire- Kristin Cashore
59. Servant of a Dark God- John Brown
60. Games of Command- Linnea Sinclair

Reads of 2008:
1. The White Dragon- Laura Resnick
2. When True Night Falls- CS Friedman
*3. Crown of Shadows- CS Friedman
*4. Stories of Your Life and Others- Ted Chiang
*5. Shades of Time and Memory- Storm Constantine
6. The Road- Cormac McCarthy
7. Dark Moon- David Gemmell
8. Scar Night- Alan Campbell
9. Fight Club- Chuck Palahniuk
10. Glasshouse- Charles Stross
11. Old Man's War- John Scalzi
12. Wicked- Gregory Maguire
13. Sebastian- Anne Bishop
*14. Belladonna- Anne Bishop
15. The Sparrow- Mary Doria Russell
16. The Destroyer Goddess- Laura Resnick
17. Angel of Darkness- Charles de Lint
18. Last Dragon- JM McDermott
19. Light- M. John Harrison
20. Grimspace- Ann Aguirre
21. The Wasp Factory- Iain Banks
22. Lords of Rainbow- Vera Nazarian
23. Beggars in Spain- Nancy Kress
24. The Player of Games- Iain M. Banks
25. The Princess Bride- William Goldman
*26. Melusine- Sarah Monette
*27. The Virtu- Sarah Monette
28. The Mirador- Sarah Monette
29. Dust- Elizabeth Bear
30. Wanderlust- Ann Aguirre
31. I Am Legend- Richard Matheson
32. Warchild- Karin Lowachee
33. The Book of Jhereg- Stephen Brust
*34. Gabriel's Ghost- Linnea Sinclair
35. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time- Mark Haddon
36. A Companion to Wolves- Sarah Monette & Elizabeth Bear
37. Bright of the Sky- Kay Kenyon
38. The Last Wish- Andrzej Sapkowski
39. Kethani- Eric Brown
40. City of Pearl- Karen Traviss
*41. The Last Hawk- Catherine Asaro
42. Fledgling- Octavia Butler
43. New Rules- Bill Maher
44. Schism- Catherine Asaro
45. The Mist- Stephen King
46. The Little Prince- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
47. The Hero of Ages- Brandon Sanderson
48. Black Beauty- Anna Sewell
49. Ascendant Sun- Catherine Asaro
*50. The Ghosts of Blood and Innocence- Storm Constantine
51. Shades of Dark- Linnea Sinclair
52. The Stars My Destination- Alfred Bester
*53. China Mountain Zhang- Maureen F. McHugh
54. Red Seas Under Red Skies- Scott Lynch

Nick quotes:

Me: I'm excited to meet this guy tomorrow.
Nick: Just make sure he doesn't rape you. Unless he's good at it.

Me: I'm thinking about dyeing my hair something I've never done before. I wonder what I could do...
Nick: Well, you could be bright red like that flower there. Or vine green. Or sunflower orange. Or, ooh, I know! Diet sick poop green!
Me: ... diet?
Nick: DYE IT.

Nick: We can paint an accent wall here.
Me: What the hell is that?
Nick: Haven't you ever watched Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?
Me: No. Haven't you ever watched Sportscenter??

Nick: You should be used to semen on your food by now.
Me: Ick. Don't mix business and pleasure.
Nick: Eating is business?
Me: Hell no. Eating is pleasure!

Nick: Out of all the women I've known and been with, I am so thankful you are my partner when things get rough.

Me: I'm sad that my Dom won't give me a pic of his large cock.
Nick: He should be like, "I don't take pics of my cock. I take pics of women reacting to my cock."

Nick: I'm tired.
Me: When did you go to bed?
Nick: At midnight.
Me: Did the narwhale bacon?
Nick: Yeah, but I figured he'd be bacon at 420 like everyone else.

Me: Hello, balls.
Nick: Hello, uh... labia.... what the hell am I supposed to do with that??

Me: Man, I love steak juice. I wonder what they put in it to make it like this...
Nick: Sweetie, I'm pretty sure that when you juice a cow, you get blood.

Me: Your presence is like a balm to my soul.

Me: Hey, smell my finger.
Nick: It smells like, uh, finger.
Me: ... oh, I guess it does.
Nick: Maybe you masturbated with the other hand.

Me: Kitten, you missed! If at first you don't succeed...
Nick: Lie on the floor in the sun spot instead.

Nick: My god, I wish I could knock that kid out. She obviously doesn't really want to be conscious anymore.

Me: I don't know dude, I'd rather lick your dreds than your swamp ass.

Me: I don't have daddy issues. I have mommy issues.
Nick: Your mommy issues ARE daddy issues.

Nick: I don't know, it seems like your dreams don't have much cohesion, but each segment probably makes sense in context.
Me: Well, last night you worked for a baseball team as a goofy mascot, and me and Mike stayed behind at the store and did sixty-nine. Except I was facedown and so was he, and I was sucking on something plastic-like from his butt. It reminded me of... the top piece of a rat sternum.
Nick: I take that back. There is no context in which that makes any sense.

Nick: Something about you and Liz... you could have an orgy between Robert Downey Jr. and Zachary Quinto.
Me: Whoa, sign me up, I'll be there!

Me: Apparently, some medical schools ask applicants what their favorite organ is.
Nick: I'd answer "You're obviously the colon since you keep throwing shit at me."

*kid screams outside*
Nick: Well, looks like the ice cream man got another one.

Nick: So no Mexicans came in and saw you naked, good.
Me: Not like it'd matter, I'm not that spectacular naked.
Nick: Well, I'd rape you.
Me: If my own husband wouldn't rape me, I'm in deep shit.

Me: So Mike would go gay for Sean Bean as Boromir, huh?
Nick: Yep, he'd spread his hairy buttcheeks for him.
Me: Squee! That's a hot thought.
Nick: I was just thinking that was one of the grossest images I could imagine!

Nick: You may have been robbed of your foreskin, but you have been given the gift of more women who might go down on you.

Nick: Geez, next thing you know, they'll be selling Barack Obama's pubes. 'These lustrous black curls have been preserved in gold leaf so you can own your own piece of history.'"

Me: Why is Danny Gokey making that heart signal? Does he love me like Jesus loves me?
Nick: Yeah, fictionally.

Me: Yeah, so this horse would've mounted my mom, had this guy not been there to beat him off. Oh my god that is not what I meant to say.
Nick: *busts up laughing*

Nick: That's a mountain.
Me: No it's not. It's a cloud.
Nick: Sweetie, look. It's a mountain.
Me: OMFG it's a mountain. Holy crap!

Jorge Nunez: Don't let the sun go down on me...
Nick: Please let it be the daughter.

Nick: So was the wicked witch really evil, or just water soluble?

Nick: John McCain's wife doesn't need to worry about birth control. He comes dust.

Me: The taste of my own pussy made me cry.
Nick: God, that's the hottest thing you've said all night.

Me: I have no story to go with my prologue.
Nick: Then it's not a prologue. It's just a logue.

Me: God you stink! What the hell died in your ass?
Nick: Hope.

Nick: I imagine it's like outdoor survival skills. "I have to eat this spider, so just focus on keeping it down. Focus, focus... Ugh, here it comes." -on my oral technique

Nick: I could've sworn he just performed cunnilingus on that spider!

Nick: No, you didn't punch me. You just pushed me. Really hard. In the face. With your fist.

Nick: Michael Phelps should just say, "If it was 100% humidity, I could fly."

Nick: Did you see that bumper sticker? I thought it said 'Proud parent of a terrified kid.' That would've been awesome!

Me: Well I think it's cruel to make anyone stand all day at work. Why don't they get a chair?
Nick: I guess they think retarded people don't feel pain.
Me: Like they can't love, you mean?
Nick: Exactly!
Me: ... We are so going to hell.

Other quotes:

Dom: So let me get this straight. You'll drink piss, but you won't drink Pepsi?
Me: Exactly.

Friend: Women can never look like they don't want to be raped because they always have breasts.

Me: I wish that woman would shut the hell up. I'm gonna put a dick in her mouth.
Coworker: Whose dick?
Me: Uh, mine, of course.

Dom: My ex was four foot eleven.
Me: Jesus. How did she... Take... That?
Dom: Like a champ!

Me: How many dead babies can you fit in a trunk?
Friend: Depends. Are you going to grind them up and how old are they?
Me: Hehe, I was gonna say depends how good your garbage disposal is.
Friend: LOL, we were thinking seriously though haha.
Me: Hey so was I! How else would you grind- ooh a chipper!

Me: Did you see the women's beach volleyball last night?
Coworker: Ugh, the only reason that's on tv is because men are such perverts.
Me: But I like it.
Coworker: Well you're a pervert too.
(The ironic thing is, I was going to tell her about the hot white uniforms Misty May and Kerri Walsh were wearing!)

Me, looking at a tail: Holy crap, how big are these rats??
Coworker: ... they're monkeys.

Me, to coworker: This crossword answer makes no sense. "Like an unbelievable story" and the answer is "cockandball??"
Coworker: ... are you sure that isn't cockandBULL?
Me: ... oh.

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