It's funny, I had the same thought as the other two responders upon reading that excerpt, though I didn't have it until about halfway through the piece. Initially I thought the writing was beautiful, but it eventually sounded forced. I wonder if it's as you say, and you excerpted a section which is particularly beautiful within its environment, but when extracted appears garish or forced. The idea of the novel seems nice, but one man's texture is another man's minutiae, in some respects. Anyway, I just wanted to comment to say I had the same initial reaction when I read this with no replies, but I can see where you're coming from that, in particular with books that are strongly dependent on stylistic writing, extracting that writing "at its best" may actually make it appear inferior.