I don't even know why I'm bothering to explain myself, but it's like a guy can't even devise a trebuchet to fire electric lobsters without you people making a fuss, so fine, whatever. And it's not like I even punched the panda cub that hard. What was I supposed to do, let him eat all the bamboo? Yeah, then the plant-fueled Eco Reaper 5000 would have worked just dandy, wouldn't it? This is green frigging energy, people. And that panda was a wuss.

But you know what, I don't even care. Seriously. You can send me all the angry noteboards you want about about the morality of training fleas to kill, but it doesn't change the fact that they are goddamn effective. This is science. Science. All right? Nobody got on Edison's case when he blew up an elephant. He stole that from me, by the way.

And I guess your delicate lacy sensitivities were somehow damaged when I baked that cake made entirely of spiders, and sure, I know not everyone is okay with spiders, but look at the big picture here. The big picture is that there is a cake. And it's made of spiders. Are we clear now?

A guy starts to feel unappreciated. Do you know how much work it took to build a cyborg bear? It was a whole bloody weekend, and you don't even care. It's not even my fault that it hates all life and has a taste for the flesh of man. I mean, I told mapthis not to stand so close. There was a sign. I was never convicted of anything.

But whatever. Just, whatever, okay? You don't want me to program babies to fly and shoot lasers from their eyes, then I guess you can just live in a world where babies are chained to the ground like animals, unable to defend themselves. Is that really a world you want to live in?

I'm not recalling the giant two-headed tiger though. It's the principle of the thing. Plus I don't know how to kill it, stop it, or even teach it the meaning of fear. So I guess that's your problem now, and don't come begging me for help because you won't get it.

Come on, rocket powered moon dog. Let's blow this popsicle stand.

(Seriously, you guys should stand back. Ice shrapnel is a bitch.)