except that, having been in a similar situation, it's never easy to come together and make it work after it gets this far. she's going to have to want to make it work with you, because from what you've told us, you're doing what you can and then some. until she's ready to meet you halfway about this situation she's created the only thing you can do is keep putting yourself out there. it's easy to get frustrated and vent, but as long as you don't vent in the direction of your daughter or allow her to see the two of you fight then i think she'll come out of this ok in the long run.

and honestly, if you didn't have kids, there is no reason why you shouldn't just tell her to get lost. you have every right to feel that way, and i hope she comes to see that she's putting everyone in your family in a bad situation.