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Movie Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. No spoilers. AgentApple Send a noteboard - 23/07/2017 12:23:37 AM

TLDR: Terrible plot. terrible dialogue, pointless side quests. Worst movie I've seen in the last several years.


It starts out well, with an interesting montage of how humanity makes first contact.
From there on it gets very confusing, both on a basic scene level and plot level. So much so that in the end of the movie the characters must explain everything that happened, which is always a bad sign that the filmmakers themselves acknowledge they made a mess.

Then there are some 10 minute side quest sequences that could have been cut out from the movie entirely and changed nothing. The sequence involving Rihanna's character stands out but was not the only one.

The dialogue is very stilted. Characters flat out describe themselves, which is bad writing, but it is even worse when we never see the self described attributes on screen. For example, right off the bat we are told that Valerian is this womanizing bad boy (by Valerian himself, no less). But we never see him engage in any bad boy womanizing, except his very earnest wooing of Cara Delavinge's character.

There is no short supply of preachiness too. We are hammered with messages about illegal immigration, environmentalism, a thinly veiled portrayal of post-colonialist guilt tripping. Also, the female explains to the male protagonist that him willing to die for her is not a representation of love. Really ?

Main characters had no chemistry. More like brother and sister than lovers.

There were some good bits too. I liked much of the setting, though it wasn't all that special compared to some recent offerings. I thought the live action Ghost in the Shell was better looking and felt less clearly CGI. Also Doctor Strange and GotG 2. Like a cheaper clone of Avatar.

Oh sorry, I was trying to end on a positive note... I think Cara Delavinge did an ok job with what lines she got, and she looks really fine in whatever outfit they put her.

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Movie Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. No spoilers. - 23/07/2017 12:23:37 AM 483 Views
I guess I will let me wife take my daughter to see that one *NM* - 23/07/2017 04:55:35 PM 149 Views
That makes me sad. I'll probably see it anyway. *NM* - 23/07/2017 05:25:38 PM 141 Views

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