Georgerr Martin sucks. I mean, he sucks so much I refuse to say "R R" because it is an offense to Tolkien, and I refuse to call him "George Martin" because it's an offense to the Beatles' producer of that name. So Georgerr he is, and will remain, the fat sack of shit.

His writing was never good. He wasn't even Stephen King good, which is pulp good and not real artistry good. It was only serviceable in a Dan Brown sort of way because he wrote plot twists just good enough to keep people reading to find out what happened next. At least, that's what he did for 3 books. That, plus the looming Sword of Damocles hanging over his whole world, the White Walkers, made the books mildly interesting.

This was what caused HBO to pick up the steaming pile of horseshit to make it into a series. The problem is that HBO picked up a steaming pile of horseshit that was still coming out of the horse in long, ropy strings, hoping that when they amassed the whole in their hands it would stink less and somehow be appealing.

So Georgerr, who would probably provide enough energy to power a small town for a month if set on fire, starts cashing his checks and shelves any vague plans he might have had to finish the books. HBO will help him!

HBO does what HBO knows how to do - package lots of sex(position), make some visual effects that will wow the audiences, and chop extraneous characters from Georgerr's universe, which has become as bloated and bilious as he is.

Then they say, "Hey Georgerr, we have to finish this. HBO is only giving us one more season. Do you have an ending?"

Georgerr wipes the orange from the Cheetos on his fat fingers onto his shirt and stops watching his inane NFL games for long enough to say, "Oh, yeah, Daenerys was turning evil. I thought you were going to give me five more seasons to slowly do that. Six would be better, actually."

"We got one."

"Ok, so you got to have her turn evil. Have Arya kill the head Walker and they all die, Lost Boys style. Get that out of the way so you have time to make Daenerys turn evil."

"Isn't that sort of anticlimactic? Maybe Daenerys gets killed first and then the walkers?"

"No, her dragons are supposed to stop the Walkers."

"Our dragon budget is running low."

"Ok, stop the walkers without her or the dragons. Then have her dragons destroy King's Landing. Then have Jon Snow kill her. Maybe while fucking her."

"Ok, so after she's dead Jon Snow becomes king?"

"Uh...no, that's too predictable. Give them something totally unpredictable. Who is the last person anyone would want to make king?"

"The little weird Shining cripple boy in the wheelchair?"

"Yeah, that's perfect. Now fuck off and let me blog about guys in spandex wrestling each other and pretending it's a game, or I'll eat you."