~Sigh~ Here we go again. As in last season, I will describe the on-screen-action in < font face="Comic Sans MS" color="red">red font and include my immediate reactions and analysis normal print, with the time stamp preceding.

We start with a recap of last season, in which Galadriel's husband is name-dropped, King Durin is killed by the Balrog and the Dwarves of the Blue Mountains are demanding the Ring they were promised, Mori names Theo Lord of Pelargir, because that's a thing he can do, only for Phara-son, the soy-boy offspring of King Pharazon of Numenor, to show up, declare Pelargir annexed and demand lumber for the Numenor fleet, and Imladris is founded.

Then we get a card saying "Five Years Later."

01:34 Oh boy. Time jump. Going to be interesting how much they have failed to account for over the years.

Morfydd Clark desperately tried to imitate Cate Blanchet's opening narration to a completely unrelated trilogy of movies, explaining that the War of the Elves & Sauron is in its fifth year.

01:43 Okay, so that is an actual war in the history of Middle-Earth. It lasted six years after the fall of Eregion, and about 1,600 years before Pharazon took the throne of Numenor, It ended 1,500 years before any of our Numenorean characters were born. It was also about a hundred years or so after Sauron had forged the One Ring.

A trio of fire arrows land on a map and I momentarily fantasize about watching Bonanza with my late grandmother instead. Rather than Virginia City, the conflagration begins with Eregion. Galadriel explains that Sauron has marched his armies across the whole of Middle Earth, conquering all in his path and only the Three Rings can stop him. Glowing white rings appear on the map in the locations of approximating Imladris, Lindon and the Grey Havens. The map's burning does not touch the rings. Galadriel explains that two elven realm remain, Lindon & Rivendell, fighting to hold back the shadow.

02:10 Okay, why Rivendell? The Rings were given, on the show & in reality to Gil-Galad, Cirdan & Galadriel. Elrond did not take up Vilya until Gil-Galad died. Galadriel & Celeborn were already in Lothlorien when Eregion fell. I guess she's hanging in Rivendell with Elrond? Except, of course, its name to the Elves is Imladris.

"But Sauron has Rings of his own"

02:18 She is trying SO hard to be real Galadriel!

Galadriel adds that there are Seven for the Dwarves who have resisted Sauron and Nine for mortal men who fall so easily to his will. The map-flames surround Khazad-Dum. "The two most powerful kingdoms of Men have yet to declare side." The map pans to Numenor and Rhun, each of which she names. We zoom in on Mordor, where she says Sauron is striving for a power to "rule them All."

02:53 "Durbatuluk" in the Black Speech.

Zoom in on Mordor and then we cut to live footage of a fireplace or furnace, with Sauron's crowned silhouette in the foreground. There are orcs around him, and one, with pointy features that look a LOT like the guy who took Frodo into Minas Morghul, and he leads a cry of "Hail Sauron!" as Sauron approaches the fire, from which a crucible is removed. A LOT more metal than a single ring requires is poured into a kind of mold, as Sauron recites the One Ring poem in Black Speech.

04:03 A century too late, but better late than never, I guess.

He removes a ring from the mold with tongs and examines it. It cools from red to gold and he takes the ring from the tongs in one hand.

04:50 I might have to re-examine this, but on my first impression, this is actually a pretty good depiction of Sauron forging the One. It's at a very strange point in show, however, and I would not be surprised if this is a failed attempt.

Sauron suddenly looks around at the watching orcs, who all look away, all awkward-like.

05:03 They can't HELP themselves! The orcs are all looking around as if this is just an embarrassing or personal incident, like he's about to fill up a urine sample jar for the parole officer. They should be cringing with fear at his eye falling on them, or cowering away from meeting his gaze, or terrified to look at the Ring, which is giving off a palpable aura of dark power at this moment of its evil creation. I can't tell if this is stupid direction, bad acting, or a conscious and deliberate attempt at subversion. Which they did in possibly the only scene in 17 episodes so far that would not be out of place in legitimate Tolkien fandom.

Sauron makes nearly a full turn, and one of his helper-orcs flinches with a growl-gasp and drops into a prostrate bow when Sauron's eye falls on him.

05:08 Like that. This guy read the assignment.

An orc that might possibly be female makes eye contact with Sauron while shoving the one to the side forward. He cringes and whimpers as Sauron looks at him, before extending his hand. He averts his eyes and Sauron slides the ring onto his finger. Nothing happens.

05:43 You know there's going to be a moment of quiet before it explodes or incinerates him.

The orcsperiment opens his eyes after a moment and looks at the ring and then starts giggling and then laughing as he turns to the other orcs. Sauron and a scrawny orc, possibly the one who pushed him, stare unmoved. His hand suddenly bursts into flame. His laughter cuts off as he turns to start at it quizzically before screaming in pain. He lurches around and thrusts the flaming hand into a pot of water. The flame disappears with a his, before the whole pot lights up.

06:10 There's a non-zero chance that pot contained something flammable, like oil, which was also used to temper forged objects. So who can say if that was the orc being stupid, or the evil of Sauron's work is sufficient to burn water, or too hot for this quantity to quench.

The orc lurches back, his whole arm aflame as the others scramble to get out of his way. For some reason the fire next spreads to the clothes on his torso, rather than move up the arm (which raises the question of whether the accelerants on his shirt are diegetic, from sticking the arm in oil which splashed, or IRL to set the stuntman alight, or if the CGI artists were just sloppy) until he is fully engulfed. He lies still and we get a shot of the orc-crone who might have been the one to push him, staring. Sauron walks over to the corpse and plucks the ring from its finger. He is wearing the spiky gauntlets much like the ones from which the Ring is cut in the film. He crushes the defective ring as says "All creation requires sacrifice". He addresses the crowd of orcs announcing that "Celebrimbor's secrets still elude us," and shouts a demand for the Elven Rings, with the concession that he'll settle for even one.

07:32 This is exactly backward. Sauron was the one who showed Celebrimbor how to make Rings of Power, he didn't learn from a mere Elf, and he made the One to control the others, including the Three, he did not use the Three to figure out how to make the One.

Sauron demands that they do a deep investigation into Celebrimbor. Crone-orc, whose voice is actually male-sounding points out that they burned Celebrimbor's records when they sacked Eregion. And it was on Sauron's orders. He also points out that all Celebrimbor's smiths are dead and accounted for, and asks if maybe Celebrimbor's secrets died with him.

08:18 This is stupid. These are mortal fallibilities, like Sauron is a Bond villain or cartoon antagonist. He is a powerful immortal being, on a par with angels or lesser deities. This is not just a question of the lore, or fidelity to the source material, this is about the fact that he is incredibly powerful, nearly conquers the world, and takes literal divine intervention, from actual God, who is above the Valar, to defeat him in his present form. Making him an idiot who blunders in self-destructive ways like a totalitarian commissar completely undermines the stakes of the story, and reduces the struggle to oppose his conquest into a tediously mundane conflict, with a practically inevitable victory, and degrades all the sacrifices and heroics undertaken to defeat him.

Sauron asks the orc's name. Which is Marnuk. He tells him the truth is out there and the orc who brings him the secrets he need will be celebrated. Marnuk grins, possibly eagerly, through all the makeup and prostheses, and says "he'll be the orc who won the war."

08:52 Still doing self-willed orcs, I see. Orcs now care about fame and glory, and Sauron needs such incentives to motivate them, rather than his will alone.

Sauron confirms the glory that awaits his most successful servant and turns and walks into the shadows. Marnuk calls reassurance after him and bellows at the orcs, ordering them into action. He turns and looks back in the direction Sauron went, breathing heavy. Outside a group of orcs march toward the camera from Mount Doom, in what is probably supposed to denote hordes on the march, but really only looks like a score or so. The camera pans up and it seems like this is supposed to be an incomplete Barad-Dur, with Mount Doom in the background.

09:49 They're trying so hard to imitate the LotR films, but the armies in those looked like actual armies, not a small crowd. And I can't help but notice the flaming mountain is the only glory or monument erected to honor the memory of Waldreg, the hero who founded Mordor by activating the volcano in the first place.

Title card with choral music

Camera pans low over a forest stream with what look like bodies in the background, where someone is washing blood off an Elven knife. We see the rear of a blonde armored figure, with a caption saying "Thousands of Years Earlier". He sheathes the knife and gets up, walking through the aftermath of a fight, with armored bodies lying around the ground and in the water, as other figures walk away in front of him. He wanders after them, not apparently pursuing, following the stream. He passes an orc corpse lying in the water holding a sword. As he passes, the sword moves and the orc gradually raises his head and turns to follow the main character with his eyes.

11:02 How many movies or TV shows depict characters kicking away weapons from corpses and poking them to be sure, for this very reason? If this is an Elf, and I don't see how "thousands of years earlier" could be relevant if it isn't, he should not be able to walk within a foot of an orc pretending to be dead without noticing. Especially lying in a stream, given how running water is so closely tied to protection of the Elves.

The orc slowly starts getting to his feet as our Elf steps very slowly away from the camera. This entire time, the camera has been exclusively pointed at the back of his head, like the DP was really inspired by the opening of "Weapons".

11:08 He's probably going to turn and kill the orc right when it seems like he's going to get taken out. The shot is way too contrived for anything else.

That.

11:12 This was so anti-climactic. It was shot like the Elf's face was being saved for a big reveal. Why did he walk past the 'body' only to turn and throw his knife (in a very unrealistic motion and trajectory, I might add) when the orc got up? It's not cool, he's either an inattentive idiot or a sadist.

Our Elf hero keeps walking into a scene that seems like it's nighttime, and there are lights in the air and music and he walks into an Elvish party wearing clothes, not armor. An Elf who looks like Weird Al (Weird Alf) greets him as "captain," and the captain nods vacantly to quiet pleasantries from off-screen characters. He takes a goblet from a serving elf and wanders off into the dark woods, where there are fewer lanterns hanging in the trees.

11:57 Probably to brood about endangering the mission and needing to confront Darth Vader until his sister comes to find him.

He sees movement in the distance and turns toward it, which is a blonde figure running and jumping.

12:15 If this was Tolkien, it would be an Elf maid dancing in the moonlight. Since it's contemporary garbage, it's probably Galadriel doing sword kata.

He draws closer and it is Galadriel, rebuking him for staring. He says he wasn't, just getting some air, they exchange insipid dialogue to set up him asking about her dancing, only for her to say, drum rollllll… "I wasn't dancing, I was sparring," and producing a sword from out of nowhere.

12:58 This show. Also, "sparring" is done with a partner, which is why I did NOT use that word in my prior note. How do professional writers not know what words mean?
Also, also, Galadriel moves from the left of the screen to address PoV Elf, moving forward and to her left, from the spot where she became aware of him. When he sets up her sparring line, she continues to a tree, to her left to pick up the sword. What this means is that this idiot was running around waving her sword in the woods and it flew out of her hand, like a kid playing too energetically with a toy.

He suggests you get better results sparring with a partner, to which she retorts that she's "splendid" and when she asks his name, he says he'll tell her if she can score a hit. She smiles.

13:28 I suppose this is supposed to be the meet-cute between Artanis and Teleporno, or as they will be known to Men of the Third Age, Galadriel and Celeborn.

She takes a swing at him and he deflects. She goes running into the woods and he chases her. They keep doing a chase/duel that looks like it's stage-fencing with some samurai poses mixed in. The whole thing is very dark, possibly to hide the wire-work or green screen as she bounces over trees and rocks. He has trouble keeping up (quelle surprise) and so pursues her from angles and comes at her from unexpected directions. Then they stand on opposite sides of a tree and swipe at each other.

14:23 This is sort of cute, not the worst instant romance encounter for a fantasy movie, if not for the fact that it's highlighting the nonsensical fixation of the show on Galadriel's combat skills. This should not be how Galadriel is courted, it's more suited for someone like Atalanta, who is too proud of her abilities, and needs a suitor who can bring her down to earth.
And speaking of which, Atalanta set a challenge for any man who wanted to marry her, but the dynamic is reversed her, with the man demanding that Galadriel score a hit to learn his name. But that's not the fight choreography, which has him as the pursuer and her as the coy maiden dodging and evading his strikes. This is the action that should follow her challenging him to tag her for a favor.

Galadriel is standing with her back to the tree, and him on the other side, with his back to it as well, and she is beaming and panting and looks more like she's enjoying herself than any point on the show, even the derpy expressions when riding on the beach in Numenor and the reveal of the Three Rings in Lindon. She all but giggles "you missed me" See? It's like they shot this fight on a different day than the dialogue and forgot that she was supposed to be trying to hit him but he holds up a hand with a lock of blonde hair. They turn to face each other and he offers it to her solemnly. She presses the hand back to his breast and whispers "keep it" to which he replies "Celeborn".

15:14 Say Teleporno, you cowards.

She replies "Galadriel".
15:19 Bzzzt! Wrong! Her name before meeting him was Artanis. Her mother also called her Nerwen, or "man-girl" because she was super tall (over a foot taller than Morfydd Clark, for the record, with Blanchett landing halfway [halfwë?] between them). She was first named Galadriel by Celeborn himself, which means something like Golden Crown, after her hairstyle, which was coiled around her head, like a circlet.

Back in the party clearing, the Elves are all dancing and now Galadriel and Celeborn are dancing together in the center, to choral music that might or might not be diegetic. The camera zooms in on them and the other dancers blur and fade away as the scene brightens to dawn, and they kiss in the sunrise.

16:02 This was well-done, again, except for the adherence to sword-fighting as her signature characteristic, but even then, it was incorporated very well into the romantic meeting with her love interest (and to be fair, the sword thing is the hand the prior two seasons have dealt the character, which is how I was able to predict it. They are actually being consistent with their own story). This isn't feminist subversion of romantic tropes, it's not girl-boss "Guyladriel". It's a standard whirlwind romance scene, just done decently.
And if this guy is at all good-looking, it's going to have all the romantic girls watching giggle-squealing (I am seriously getting flashbacks to watching Thor 2 in a theater with my mother and sister).

Our couple sits on a hillside watching the sunrise with her head on his shoulder. He says he wants to live there with her. He says the soil is exquisite, at which point she picks up her head like he just killed the mood, but he goes on, apparently planning out Lothlorien and she looks around like she's catching his vision. Her head goes back to his shoulder as he talks. She asks about the war, and he suggests wars are transient but their home could be permanent. She points out that's some long-term thinking, and he proposes. She smiles and says yes. She says again "Yes, I will", as the screen transitions to her in normal lighting, with a dirty, bloody face, in armor.

17:31 Guys, they could save this character. Relatively speaking. They really might be able to steer through the two-season skid and retcon the miserable egomaniac we've been seeing so far to be result of losing her husband, and actually fix the character.
It doesn't solve the issues with all the politics, or the existence of Harfoots, or Isildur, but it's a hint of a start.

Galadriel is fighting in a free-for-all melee against orcs in the forest. In the middle of the fight Mori comes flipping in. They both do a whole lot of fighting designed to look cool with lots of cling-clang and squishy sounds, until something makes the orcs all run away. Mori asks if they should pursue. Galadriel does a thousand-yard stare, and we see a kind of blurry tunnel look at the orcs running through the woods. Cut back to her face with zinging noise and then to Nenya on her finger, which seems to be spasming while gripping her weapon. She tells Mori to reform the line, he shouts an order and the Elves gather into a tight formation, and try the domino thing where they close shields into a wall.

19:14 Sad. They're clearly going for that rippling sword bit from the Fellowship prologue, but it's not as well done, and there only looks like a dozen Elves.

Mori stands behind the line and draws his bow, with Galadriel beside him. He keeps shouting Elvish commands, after conversing with her in English, and the Elves tense although the forest looks quiet. Suddenly a volley of arrows comes out of nowhere, hitting their shields. No apparent casualties. A shout comes out of the woods and a mob of humans comes screaming out. Some of them pause to loose arrows and the Elves are starting to take hits, while Mori shoots back. There are also a couple of horseElves waiting behind him. The mob hits the Elvish line like mostly peaceful protesters crashing into riot cops outside a Target. A couple of Men hilariously bound over the line, one shot in mid-air by Mori and the other dispatched by Galadriel as he hits the ground. Galadriel in turn vaults the line and the mob considerately makes room for her as she starts swording at them.

20:14 Those last moves look like they were supposed to be in slo-mo to seem cool, but they just seemed slow, like someone screwed up in the editing room. Also, the writers seem to have heard of military formations, but not understand their function, because what Galadriel just did negates the whole point.

An arrow takes one of her attackers, and Galadriel shoots an appreciative look to Mori, who has to turn and fight attackers who are now behind the line.

20:23 Yeah, a shield wall line is a dumb formation when you have this few people. You need to make a square or circle, because it's too easy to get flanked.
Also, is Nenya somehow making her a more reasonable person?

Mori backward stabs a guy moving up behind him and turns and kind of freezes up at seeing the Man he stabbed and the music is all sad and mournful and Mori struggles to lower the guy to ground with the knife still in his chest.

20:38 I think he's supposed to look like Theo.

Mori and Galadriel exchange glances across the battlefield as she kills a foe and fortunately everyone running around near him is respectful of his moment as he gives his downed foe agonized looks.

Someone shouts off-camera "Ring Servant of Sauron" in Elvish, and Galadriel turns to stare at an approaching horseman with a spiky crown like Sauron's. This new guy is covered in armor and has a ring with a gem prominently displayed on one finger. His horse snorts and makes noises like the Nazgul steeds in Fellowship.

The score is deep, angry-sounding chanting. Galadriel orders a general retreat, and Mori gets up calling the order. The Ring knight rides forward, and Galadriel grabs an unoccupied horse. They gallop at each other through the still-raging battle, which is really strung out along the length of a dirt road, considering the Elves were all packed into a tight formation literal minutes ago. As he rides by an Elf grappling with an orc, the Ring knight picks up the Elf with one hand, and charges holding him up and throws him at the feet of Galadriel's horse, making her crash. She seems knocked out, and he reins in and dismounts. She regains her senses and struggles under the horse who just stares like an idiot. She tries to pet it into letting her up as the knight gets close and draws a sword, saying in a deep echoey voice that her Ring belongs to Sauron, and demands it.

The Ring knight's footsteps thud loudly, the horse gets up in slo-mo and bails and Galadriel backs away holding her sword. The knight's first blow drives her back against a stone obstacle and he's just pounding her effortlessly like they're in the Bespin carbon freezing facility. Another blow shatters her sword and she tries to stab him with the hilt in his shoulder. He pulls it out and throws it to the ground.

23:48 His demeanor was like "really? You expected that to work?" And now I am thinking he's about to start yammering about Obi-wan and her father, and holy crap, it's Celeborn in there, isn't it?

Galadriel backs off and runs, he yanks his sword like it was stuck in something and tromps after her. Angry chanting is still going. She runs through the brush as it builds to a high climax and she vanishes with the music. Ring Vader dashes up, his movements more lithe & quick and his feet no longer thudding.
20:21 Absolutely Celeborn. The slider bar indicates we're coming up on a commercial break, too. Oh, wait. He's an Elf. The Nine are for Men only.

Ring Vader slows to a stop in a sunlit clearing. An orc lurches into frame from beyond the camera, the first other biped seen since Galadriel crashed her horse. The orc reports that the Elves have got away and "Elf trickery covers their retreat". Ring Vader, with a hint of Saruman r-rolling tells the orc "Patience. The Elven Rings will not protect them much longer.
Commercial Break 1 For people who have absolutely no regard for the source material they are supposed to be adapting, these producers just love ripping off all sorts of other stories.

Sauron stares at Celebrimbor's corpse, still clothed with an arrow sticking out, hanging on the wall of his workshop. Celebrimbor himself appears behind him all bloody faced and haggard and starts taunting Sauron to remind us that Sauron made the Seven & Nine Rings. He tells Sauron he'll never succeed at mastering the Rings because he can't figure out the Three, and he's psychologically damaged and can't connect with people, so he tries to control them and is doomed to fail

26:25 This is bullshit. Sauron wanted control out of a desire for power, not because he was some sort of autist who couldn't make human connections. He is literally a different order of being than Elves and Men, and that, more than anything else is why he can't ever really be an equal partner to one. This whole bit where Celebrimbor knew more than Sauron is absolute nonsense, and again, degrades Sauron as a villain to mere mortal fallibilities. Sauron had weaknesses, but they were not in his knowledge or material competence. His drive for control was that of a consummate craftsman, whose work entails imposing order on his raw materials, and he sought to expand that mindset to the whole world, to rule the world in order to shape it as he desired, not because he felt some lack of human connection. One of these attitudes belongs to a god-like conqueror of the world and the other to a pathetic loser.
This giving character development to immortals is also kind of stupid. The years from the time the Rings were forged are like the last hour of the day that is Sauron's life.

Celebrimbor continues to taunt Sauron, that he's not capable and that the orcs are losing respect for him.

26:34 Since Elvish souls remain a part of the world after their death, it's possible that this could be Celebrimbor's ghost, but that would go very much against Tolkien's Catholic conception of the fates of souls. The other option is that this is just a creation of Sauron's mind, and this apparition is merely expressing internal conflicts. This is even more stupid. See above, re: immortal character development. A craftsman who participated in the creation of the world would not care for a moment what the orcs thought of him, and a being who thinks it is right that he controls the world would not have doubts about his own ability.

An orc interrupts Sauron's reverie to tell him that a delegation from Rhun has arrived.

26:54 Bureaucrat/courtier talk from an orc. Perfect.

A bunch of guys with metal masks, hoods and armor made of little square plates, looking kind of ancient middle eastern, are in the room with the furnace thingy, and announce that the Dark Wizard accepts the alliance and Rhun will fight with Mordor. Sauron's armor is different, and he looks more like a human warlord, rather than a gothic Dark Lord.

Sauron inquires about their loyalty to the Dark Wizard, and tells them their own history, how they were once independent, but the Dark Wizard arrived and cursed them to make them give him power.

27:32 A much better time & place for this backstory would have been last season, when these guys were introduced, along with the Dark Wizard.

The center spokesman expresses skepticism and Butler Orc stabs him from behind. At Sauron's look, orcs shut the doors. Sauron tells the remaining emissaries that he wasn't seeking an alliance with the Wizard, but them. He notes that each is a lord of 10,000 offers to let them fight the Elves. One starts to ask how they are supposed to deal with the Dark Wizard, and Butler-Orc stabs him. Sauron states their people were once kings of the desert, with power over millions.

28:28 My dude, that's not how deserts work. They don't support millions. However, from the point that each of these men commands 10,000 cavalry, they appear to be based on the Mongol hordes, where a unit of that size was called a tumen. So they are probably from a more steppe-like part of Rhun.

He offers them the chance to rule again, and the three survivors kneel and say yes.

28:36 This kind of politicking makes no sense in the context of everything else Sauron has been doing. His inability to control the orcs last premier, his portrayal as a kind of failing mad scientist up to this point, they are all making him out to be a human-level politician. The kind of player who will quickly lose his power if he starts just murdering men whom he acknowledges are powerful lords in their own right, for daring to ask questions while negotiating a transfer of alliances. But that degree of mastery and confidence in his own might IS appropriate for an actual immortal power who is above diplomacy and influence peddling.

An orc waddles up next to Sauron with a box. He tells the Rhun men about the Nine Rings and the box is opened to reveal several Rings.

28:45 It looks like there are only six in the box, suggesting three have been issued.
It also occurs to me that Ring Vader who fought Galadriel could not be Celeborn on account of the Nine are supposed to go to Men, and Celeborn is, of course, not, but that mistake is not beyond the stupidity of these writers. Or Ring Vader could be using a different ring of power. It's clear in the books that there were other powerful rings made besides the 20 in the poem, which is exactly the sort of reply Amazon hacks & shills make when you point out incongruities like this.

Sauron takes a Ring out of the box and describes their powers of strength, invisibility and immortality. We get 'reaction shots' of the immobile masks of the Rhunites. He offers the Ring to them and the music swells and more non-reaction shots of masks, and then he snaps his hand shut on the Ring and the music cuts off. He says the Rings of Power are "precious" gifts and turns away.

29:45 He still has Elf ears! Why!?!

He adds that Mordor can only give out one today. One of the Rhun dudes (Rhudes? Rhudes.) asks how they should pick the wearer, and Sauron tosses a sword in front of them. He sits down on his throne and the Butler Orc cackles and the Rhudes take the hint and dive for the sword and start brawling over it.
30:59 That was the smirk of a little punk, not the satisfied smile of a triumphant Dark Lord. It also doesn't make sense that he is offering the Rings as a gift of Mordor, rather than himself, personally.

The camera flies over a bunch of wooded hills with waterfalls.

31:06 As I recall from last season, the mountain with all the waterfalls is the exterior of Khazad-Dum. Plus, we're about due for their nonsense.

Buildings start to appear among the trees, and a caption says "Rivendell."

31:12 My bad. Which brings me back to my complaint from last season that exterior establishing shots should establish something! What did we get from that shot of the mountain that we would not, from the first shot of actual Rivendell buildings? It also makes me suspect they just picked a shot from the same file of drone footage they use for all their mountain scenes.

Mori and his companions limp in, and Elrond emerges from a building, and starts giving directions for first aid that is already in progress. Galadriel is disheveled, holding her arm funny, like she's injured. We see two kids run up to hug their father, one of the returning fighters, who is sitting beside a male Elf or very ugly Elf woman. Other Elves are reuniting with love interests and Galadriel watches it all, possibly remembering Celeborn. Elrond turns from one soldier he was working on, and tells the other Elf medic that it needs athelas, which is probably the only medical herb in Middle Earth the writers are aware of. He heads over to Galadriel and asks her where are the others. She just looks at him.

32:51 Commander of the Northern Armies is taking quite a few losses, apparently.

Indoors, Elrond is treating a cut on Galadriel's bared shoulder. They discuss the new "Nazgnagol", and Galadriel thinks he was King of Lossuth. Elrond objects that he pledged loyalty to the Elves and she says that now he is a Ring-Servant just like the others. Galadriel wants to ally with Numenor, citing Miriel's promise to return but Elrond says she's no longer Queen and doesn’t want to put their hopes in Men. Galadriel points out for the first time on the show that Elrond is related to them through his brother, but he cuts her off, not wanting to talk about it. He says the High King closed that door, and Galadriel says he might open it Elrond were to ask, but he just wants to stay in Rivendell. He goes back to treating Galadriel, who says she can feel Sauron is close and she can feel his Eye on her.

35:04 I guess this is claiming to be the backstory of "one who has seen The EYE!!" That said, it kind of makes sense that Elrond isn't happy about Elros, because he chose human mortality and died, which means Elrond will never see him again while the world exists and maybe not after, because no one in this world, not even the Valar knows what happens to Men when they die and pass beyond it. All his Elven friends and kin he will see again one day in Valinor, even the dead ones will return to life, but his twin brother is lost to him for all ages. This arguably informs his strong objections to Arwen's relationship with Aragorn, since it will entail a similar choice on her part. And, of course, the show has done zero work to establish any of this.
There is also the question of which High King closed the door, Pharazon or Gil-Galad. Does Galadriel think Gil-Galad is more likely to listen to Elrond than her, a Ring-Bearer Light Elf, or does she think Pharazon will respect his brotherhood with his ancestor?

Elrond reassures Galadriel that Sauron cannot reach her in Rivendell.

35:12 This place is brand new. It's not a centuries-old seat of the High King, like Lindon, or city of the greatest crafters like Eregion, it's a survivalist compound founded five years ago. Remember in season 1, where Elrond apologized to Durin for not stopping by in 20 years, because that's no time to an Elf? To them, Rivendell should be as transient as a campsite, not the secure refuge he has established by the time of the War of the Ring.

Also, I have lived my entire life, and worked most of my adult life, in a town with a very similar name, of which there are at least half a dozen so named across the country, as well as a fictitious comic book setting. Every time I type Rivendell, I end up typing my hometown's name instead. Call the damn place Imladris, like Elves should!

Galadriel denies any contact with Sauron in the past five years, either physical or mental, but she's not sanguine about their chances. Elrond sits & looks at the map like he's coming around. Galadriel lies on a bed, still dirty, and writhes hearing Sauron's past dialogue to her. A hand caresses her face, and she turns to look at Anatar lying bed with her.

36:03 Liar, liar, pants on fire! So, generally more pleasant demeanor aside, they haven't really changed much about her character. She's still misrepresenting herself and concealing real intelligence about a potential threat vector.

Galadriel goes out for a ride and encounters Mori sitting up, sharpening his sword. He can't sleep because the guy he killed reminds him of Theo. She dodges the question of what's keeping her up and tells Mori he's not to blame for the kid dying. He blames himself for failing to keep better watch before Mordor arose. She realizes he's worried about Theo and is supportive of his intention go to Pelargir. He presses her on her own problem which she says is loneliness.

Loneliness was tough, the toughest role she ever played
Amazon created a psychopath, and slop was the price we paid!

At Pelargir, an "Old Numenorean settlement" there is tree cutting in the woods. A seemingly bulked up Theo with long hair is desultorily cutting a tree when he turns to hear Pharason laughing about the locals' distress over the deforestation, and telling his subordinate not to go easy on the workers while he's gone. He conspicuously mentions his father and his own importance and that of his lumber harvesting assignment. His chest also looks like he's given himself a lot of medals and his garments seem less RoP and trying to invoke a British colonial officer. The henchman gives him a scroll with a summons from Mordor and he gives it a glance before telling the underling to slaughter any of Mordor's "slaveys …peddling magic jewelry" and the underling says his orders are clear "as cut glass."

40:31 Slaveys? WTF? Is that some British slang? Also, cut glass is not particularly clear. It's got all decorations carved into it, which distorts the view if you try to look through it.

Pharason expressed contempt for the land and tosses the scroll on the ground, where Theo walks over and picks it up to read. The henchman calls him a slothabout and orders him to get 12 lashes. Theo is pushed to his knees and struck with a short whip on his clothed back, clenching his fist on the crumpled letter with each blow.

41:22 The actor was clearly having trouble wrapping his mind around "slothabout" an insult that as far as I know was invented for this script. Also, Theo was standing right in front of him, reading a royal missive. If the script wants him punished, it should be for touching what's none of his business.

Back in Morder, Sauron picks up a Ring and steps over the blood and corpses on the floor to the wounded sole survivor.

41:47 How long did that fight take?

The surviving Rhude declares he will die for Sauron who points out that, actually, he won't. He puts the ring on the Rhude's crusty, boil-covered hand, and the new Ring Servant starts seizing while Sauron explains the pain is temporary from the transition to being partly in the unseen world.

42:58 As with King Durin's radical personality changes last season, these rapid transformations are diametrically opposed to how we see the most powerful of all the Rings working. We don't have hard info on the Nine, but the way it is described in the Silmarillion, the process was gradual. Sauron used them to enslave the wearers, not to empower those already willing to serve him. He gave them as gifts, and Men and Dwarves wore them believing them to be beneficial and enjoying their power, and then they gradually fell under their sway and started to suffer the consequences, and ended up bound to Sauron's will.

The Rhude's body collapses, then twitches and flickers and then his skin clears up. He takes off his mask and he looks a little like Lorne Green, with fewer wrinkles. He gives his name as Khamul. Sauron calls him fairest of the Nine, even most of the Nine have not yet been recruited.

44:23 IIRC, this guy is the #2 Ring-Wraith and was in charge of Dol Guldur when Sauron was away.

More woody mountains. There is tower on top of one.

44:30 No clue. Could be ANYwhere.

Elrond rides up a mountain path, and a door opens in the mountainside. Durin is within and gives Elrond a bag of weapons. This is apparently an ongoing supply effort and the Dwarves are staying out of the fight to Durin's chagrin, though Elrond is grateful for the help.

45:49 So it's five years later. When last we saw Durin, he was being informed that the other Dwarf realms were demanding their own Rings, and his brother was challenging him for the throne. I want to say that the brother was successful, because Durin is answering his own door, it's not the closest one to Rivendell & Eregion that Narvi made and the Fellowship used to get into Moria, and this conversation seems like a clandestine, under the table deal between the two of them.

Elrond had word from the Greenwood assholes Elves that Durin's brother is coming from the Iron Hills with two wealthy Dwarf lords. Durin denies any worry about Thrain but the lords give him pause. Elrond thinks he wants to contest Durin's claim and Durin says it's a weird time with the war "at a tipping point."

46:32 Okay, see?! Five years, and they're still saying Thrain might contest Durin's claim! So who IS ruling Khazad-Dum? Why is Durin talking like helping the Elves is not his call to make, and personally passing over small lots? And a tipping point? Weren't they losing, in just about every conversation Elrond has had?

Elrond offers Gil-Galad's support for Durin's claim, but he refuses with a RoP trademark tortured metaphor, that the script won't let go. Elrond gives his greetings to Disa & the kids and Durin notes that they're big now, with Gerda recently turning 17. Elrond is surprised but Durin again points out their races' different perspectives on time, with Elrond promising to visit soon. I guess before they are all dead.

47:30 If time is "bounding" why is the succession taking so long to resolve? And it should be noted that the Dwarf is a strange character to voice this difference given how much slower they age compared to the audience. As for his daughter being 17, that's not "big", Dwarves are not adults until 40, and they aren't considered physically mature enough for adult jobs in their 30s. 17 to a Dwarf would be like 5 or 6.

In Durin's home, his son Gamil is blowing a horn to the dismay of the rest of the household. It's a chaotic scene of getting ready for an event with the camera swiveling around as they walk in and out of the room yelling to each other. Gerda is burning the food she's cooking and is apparently careless, while Gamli is petulant about being allowed to play his ram's horn at the ceremony. Disa finally ends the arguments by sending the kids to get dressed and then asks Durin when did they get so grown, despite the rampant immaturity on display from both. Disa is worried about appearances and Durin finally addresses the elephant in the room Hasn't he been talking to Disa in the whole scene? Shut it, you. Anyway, During addresses the figurative elephant in the room by saying he's sure Thrain is just coming to show respect. Disa doubts it with the Blue-Lords accompanying him, saying they want the Rings.

49:38 I guess they haven't settled the question of the Rings, either. Also, if Thrain was coming from the Iron Hills, why does he have "Blue Lords" with him? The Blue Mountains are in the complete opposite direction. The Blue Mountains are nearly on the west coast, and the Iron Hills are far to the east, beyond Mirkwood and the Long Lake and the Lonely Mountain. It's like he's coming from Russia to resolve the succession of Switzerland and he's got a couple of Portuguese nobles with him. Except you could sail between Portugal & Russia, so it would be more plausible.

Anyway, Durin accuses Disa of not liking his brother and she says he's too forgiving of him. She gives him the crown and tells him to be strong.

Narvi announces to the assembled Dwarves before the throne the arrival of Lord Baldur the Beardless form the Iron Hills. Gamli plays the horn and the family exchanges looks.

50:32 These kids remind me of Jean-Ralphio and Mona-Lisa from Parks & Rec.

Narvi announces Fror & Freyja the Fair from the Blue Mountains. Each one bows to Durin & Disa who return it. Disa compliments Freyja's beard. When she moves away, Durin and Disa deride it sotto voce. Then Narvi announces Thrain, and the horn blows but no one comes in. Everyone murmurs while Narvi consults the guard at the door, then he comes and tells Durin that Thrain is visiting old friends and will there soon.

52:20 This is either a slick power move, or political suicide. And with these writers, who can tell?

Disa asks if Delvemaster Narvi will be so good as to go fetch him, and while they still wait at the front of the chamber and the crowd stands there, Narvi has to run down a million stairs to fetch Thrain.

53:30 Oh, so we're just doing comedy, and Dwarves are comic relief idiots.

Thrain is throwing quoits in a bar, and doesn't even let Narvi finish speaking, when he grabs him and tells him to tell his "wee brother" to leave the fancy party and come drink with them. He quaffs and belches, of course. So we have to watch Narvi run back up to the throne room, where Durin orders him to threaten Narvi into coming up, and then down below, where Narvi mocks Durin's phrasing by twerking on a table while chugging from a giant tankard. Finally, when the exhausted Narvi reports back to the king & queen, Disa orders that the Tavern Master close all the inns. The crown reacts with consternation until she orders ale brought to the Great Hall. The crowd is silent until Durin increases the order from six barrels to ten. Everyone cheers, and Narvi just wants someone else to run the message. Everyone is having a great time toasting and quaffing.
54:25 Okay, if we're taking this seriously, the back & forth makes Durin look weak, especially with a couple of foreign emissaries visiting. And Disa ordering the bars closed could be her being goaded into an overreaction. But, apparently, the royal couple regained the upper with their idea of throwing a party in the Great Hall, which is apparently a novel concept to the Dwarves, as opposed to the primary function of a Great Hall. Like, what were they actually going to do if Thrain had shown up? The usual practice when important nobles visit a royal court is to throw them a party in the great hall. It's how monarchs display their wealth and their generosity, and by extension, their ability to get and keep wealth and to provide it for their followers.
Thrain's actions really only make sense if he has a domestic power base (despite being away for more than five years, which Durin claims just this episode is no small amount of time to Dwarves), and a deal worked out ahead of time with the visiting dignitaries. But the visitors normal move in such a case would be to leave the Hall and join Thrain at his party, signaling to the court that Thrain has foreign support, if Durin isn't going to come through with the Rings.

Everyone's all drinking and partying, when suddenly Thrain appears in the door to the hall. The crowd parts to let him approach Durin, where he goes to his knee, after a rather significant pause.

55:17 Politically speaking, this would normally mean Thrain has been broken to Durin's will. But since Disa was warning he is a threat earlier, it's probably going to be a ruse, and Durin welcoming him to his court is going to prove a problem later this season.

In a private audience, the visiting lords are demanding the Rings, because they paid for them. Durin explains about Sauron making them and causing his father's death. Disa promises compensation and insists they are hidden away so only Durin knows where they are, until they can be destroyed.
The other Dwarves aren't happy with the idea of destroying them while a war is going on and Elves & Men having Rings. Then Thrain, who is present for some reason, shrieks at them and tells a story about leaving toys in the Great Hall when they were kids, he insults them and tells them to shut up and kneel because the king has spoken. Disa tells the guards to bring the guests to their chambers.

57:01 The implication here is the Thrain has a stronger personality and is better at bending people to their will. Otherwise it makes zero sense that this argument shuts them up, because it isn't one. Also, there was no real logical through-line from his anecdote to the point he was making. But the screenwriter's handbook probably insists that childhood anecdotes are a great way to establish character. Also, having the guards see the guests to their chambers implies they are prisoners.
Finally, absolutely nothing in the lore or the show to date suggests that the King of Khazad-Dum is sovereign over the other Dwarf realms. Yes, he is a direct descendant of the first father of the Dwarves, Durin I, but his position relative to the others is more of a first among equals situation.
However, the Longbeard Dwarves also believe that Durin I is reborn over the years, and that each King Durin IS him come again. They would never challenge a Durin's right to reign.

Thrain asks for a private word with his brother, and asks what really happened to their father.

57:32 Hey, nice job highlighting another issue with this lustrum! Thrain lost his father and never showed up, never tried to inquire about his death? For five years?

Durin & Thrain are playing a board game and Durin has apparently filled Thrain in, who wishes he could have watched his father leap to his death and explode, like it was a great spectacle he missed out on, rather than the horrifying destruction of his surviving parent. Durin corrects him. They talk about his casket being filled with his favorite possessions, including things given him by Thrain. Thrain attempts to lampshade the fact that he was never ever mentioned on the show until after Old Durin was dead. He urges Durin to trust him, Disa comes in with refreshments and to tell Durin that Narvi wants to talk to him.

When Durin is gone, Thrain flirts with Disa who demands to know what he's doing there, saying he might have Durin fooled but not her. Thrain says he wanted to see her and implies a past relationship, which Disa denies, but also saying it's over. He fingers her face like they’re about to kiss, her words say no, but she's not fighting him off, and they are interrupted by Gamli-Ralphio. Thrain compliments his horn-playing, while using the same insulting description of the horn Durin did before, and saunters out. Gamli-Ralphio is staring suspiciously at both his mom and uncle.

1:01:11 I have no words.

Outside, Durin is delivering more weapons to the Elves, and Thrain catches him. He chides Durin, warning about the consequences if the visiting lords found out, but Durin is mad he's spying and thinks he's after the throne. The start brawling and roll around until they bump into the feet of an Orc, who says he has knowledge that could save Middle-Earth.

1:02:14 Is this supposed to be Marnuk, from the prologue scene?

We zoom out from the blue jewel of Vilya, worn by Gil-Galad. He & Cirdan are in a military camp at night, which the caption says is at the border of Lindon. They are discussing a vision from the Ring(s) of a single Orc, whom they believe will be critical going forward. They discuss in a tent how having forced a stalemate in the war, Sauron is recruiting Men to boost his numbers, having recruited the Haradrim and Lossuth, in the south & north, respectively, so he's going next to Rhun in the east.

Khamul the Ring-Rhude is still in Sauron's place getting his helmet, now with a spiky crown, fitted on him by an orc. Sauron asks how many troops he can bring, and Khamul says one hundred thousand. Back in Lindon, Gil-Galad spills a mess of troop markers across the map, presumably representing those 100K. He has they can't withstand an army that strong, and Cirdan prays there is a power that can. Cut to Meteor-Man & his staff trudging through the night.

1:04:36 Oh, crap. I forgot about this clown. I guess I thought him missing the recap meant he wasn't going to be around.

Back with Sauron and Khamul, the Ring-Rhude is telling Sauron about another wizard who is opposing them. Sauron tells him to go to Rhun and he'll take care of Gandalf. Butler-Orc comes in to announce another delegation of Men, not from Numenor, but offering to rebel against Numenor using Rings. One guy at the end is cleaner cut that the others.

1:05:32 Is that Theo?

Sauron begins his spiel, reusing his lines to the Rhudes, and drops a dagger in front of the kneeling would-be rebels who scrabble for it.

This felt very much like an introductory episode, and not really a story, per se. My tentative predictions for the season are that Celeborn is somehow a captive of Sauron, and someone has been taking care of prisoners while he was goop and then playing Halbrand and whatnot. Because that's how much sense the show usually makes. We will see what it's like to become a Nazghul through Theo's eyes, and it will be underwhelming or nonsensical and not fit with other things we've been shown. This might result in Mori's tragic death. Thrain is going to steal the Rings and hand them out, and we're going to forget the actual lore that the Dwarven Rings were basically failures on the control front. I hope for better, but will not be surprised if Ciarin Hinds is tragically wasted as the Dark Wizard. Meteor Man is going to do nothing resembling Gandalf, except lines and scenes lifted directly from the trilogy, and otherwise be a generic fantasy wizard, whose powers will be whatever is convenient for a particular scene or episode.

I have no clue what's going on in Numenor, because nothing ever makes sense there. I suspect Pharason will return home homing to be respected as a prince, but find that Missildur is actually Pharazon's trusted lieutenant, and she's a powerful career woman who don't need no man. Elendil is probably going to be leading a romantic Resistance, heavily coded in terms of current political fashions. Pharazon will act, or create policies that superficially resemble a high school socialist's view of Trump. Missildur may or may not have seen the light and be sympathetic to, or secretly aiding, the Faithful.

I know more than this episode have dropped. I plan to watch & review them as soon as I can.