Then again, Moiraine and Siuan are younger, and as strong as she was, but both of them learned to compromise despite one spending one most of her career in the Tower and the other spending hers out in the world.

It really seems to me that there is a hardness to Elaida's character that existed before she enter training. We don't know much of her early life, but she seems driven, egotistical and ruthless.

This might legitimately be a character flaw that Elaida could excise only after much soul-searching. Perhaps if the damane are freed in her lifetime, she would have learned humility to smooth her hard edges.