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10 ways SATAN sneaks into your life Evangeline - 21/04/2004 11:48:54 AM

Last night my roomate and I witnessed to each other about how we need to watch it becasue LUCIFER sneaks into our lives in small ways.

Oh, I don't think the GOAT OF MENDES is hiding in my Corn Pops or that barcodes have "666" in them or that TATTOOS are a blood contract with demons or anything, but I think there are lots of ways SATAN jumps into our back pockets and rides around with us like loose change.

So this is the list my roomate and I came up with. I hope you'll share some of your own observations.

1. Garden Gnomes: Their were no gnomes in the Garden of Eden, yet everybody puts these ceramic idols in the tomato patch to watch over their crops! THAT GNOME IN YOUR GARDEN IS MOLOCH!

2. The Lifestyles Channel: My roomate especially has a problem with this because she likes programs that feature former TV stars from the Facts of Life and Meredith Baxter Birney, but this channel advocates WITCHCRAFT! Don't let these crystal gazing floozies into your life. Shut them off and tune into JESUS!

3. Bible Bookmarks: Be careful what you use to bookmark your BIBLE! I was using a grocery store receipt that had coupons on the back and one of those coupons was for RAVIOLI. If SATAN gets you to think about ravioli instead of about what you read in GOD's BOOK he's gotten you to trade your soul for 79 cents off the family-size jar. NOT A GOOD DEAL FOR YOU!!!!!

4. Going Bra-less: My roomate doesn't have much of a problem with this one--cause she'd have back aches--but we talked and I need to be more diligent about keeping my body properly restrained in public. Men, I realize this one doesn't apply to most of you, but do the women in your life a favor and encourage them to wear bras, especially if they leave the house. Don't let them jiggle like a refridgerated desert! Your women shouldn't be out in public ACTING THE JEZEBEL!

5. The GNC: My roomate and I aren't exactly sure why this is, but we noticed that NONE of the good Christians we know shop at the GNC. It seems to be a hangout for NEW AGE CRAZIES! The vitamin you need anyway is VITAMIN J! HE keeps better hours than the mall and there's no sales tax!

6. Mowing the Lawn in your Swimsuit: Swimsuits were meant for swimming and the way we've started wearing them for everything it's just a matter of time before we're all working the edger in halter tops or squeezing into fish net muscle shirts to carve the bushes. Everyone who sees you writhing like a lusty ANIMAL will be trapped in the spectacle that is your SIN!

7. Bowling Alley Food: Paul says your body is a temple and anything served up by a bowling alley is pollution. Think of Daniel refusing to eat the IDOLOTROUS food of BABYLON. Bowling alleys themselves are kind of borderline anyway because they're poorly lit and are centers of truancy, but the food is pure EVIL!

8. Jogging pants: I know you men sometimes get "excited" but when you wear jogging pants it's in the service of SATAN. Wear clothing that will properly conceal the condition of your arousal. Women, talk with your sons, husbands and boyfriends about this.

9. Gymanisums: Avoid gyms at all costs. They are just places for strangers to rub their sweaty, grunting bodies without being arrested or called into a church council. I've heard that for many married couples the gym is the first step on the road to KEY PARTIES and SWINGING. Exercise is good, but do it in a place that will not lead to lascivious lasciviousness!

10. Motorcycles and Horses: I personally don't have a problem with either of these but I know some women do. Sisters, don't engage in activites that have you "astride." It's overly suggestive. Get that bananna seat off your bike too!



Thank you, Lord, for Second Virginity




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10 ways SATAN sneaks into your life - 21/04/2004 11:48:54 AM 507 Views
I dated Satan once... - 21/04/2004 11:54:30 AM 79 Views
Damn transvestite demons *NM* - 21/04/2004 11:56:36 AM 7 Views
I hope you are joking. - 21/04/2004 11:57:30 AM 66 Views
I would think he would almost HAVE to be - 21/04/2004 11:59:49 AM 44 Views
Nope, true story. - 21/04/2004 12:00:01 PM 55 Views
GET THEE BEHIND ME! *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:01:23 PM 11 Views
I hear that exactly what Manusho told Satan. *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:03:12 PM 13 Views
LOL! That worked out great! *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:03:46 PM 6 Views
Yeah, it really did. *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:06:50 PM 4 Views
*NM* - 21/04/2004 12:04:47 PM 4 Views
- 21/04/2004 12:05:00 PM 52 Views
Yes it was. - 21/04/2004 12:06:29 PM 32 Views
Best line of the day ! *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:43:55 PM 5 Views
*standing ovation* - 26/04/2004 03:14:09 PM 12 Views
Does he look like Elizabeth Hurley? *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:01:35 PM 6 Views
A little bit, slightly bigger breasts and longer horns. *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:02:15 PM 7 Views
Re: A little bit, slightly bigger breasts and longer horns. - 21/04/2004 12:05:20 PM 21 Views
yeah... - 21/04/2004 11:58:00 AM 42 Views
Re: yeah... - 21/04/2004 12:02:30 PM 34 Views
If anything is Satanic it must be a jock strap *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:03:44 PM 4 Views
what on earth - 21/04/2004 12:06:11 PM 27 Views
evil contraption - 21/04/2004 12:08:16 PM 19 Views
in that case... - 21/04/2004 12:09:05 PM 18 Views
Just run free and let nature swing!!! *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:09:30 PM 6 Views
not a good idea... - 21/04/2004 12:10:29 PM 17 Views
Just mark your territory and you'll be safe *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:12:00 PM 6 Views
another problem with that: - 21/04/2004 12:14:08 PM 17 Views
Satan is the least of your problems than *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:15:11 PM 5 Views
yes, although... - 21/04/2004 12:20:44 PM 14 Views
Dog's like that are another reason to be modest. *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:21:17 PM 5 Views
I don't think it cares if I'm modest... *NM* - 22/04/2004 04:49:10 AM 4 Views
You are getting much better at this. - 21/04/2004 12:02:24 PM 79 Views
agreed. - 21/04/2004 12:07:23 PM 30 Views
Best way to get rid of him? - 21/04/2004 12:03:45 PM 29 Views
Sends in Satan petition. - 21/04/2004 12:10:37 PM 26 Views
I am really enjoying these. Hope people keep taking it in fun *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:40:11 PM 7 Views
I hope so too! *NM* - 21/04/2004 12:41:40 PM 4 Views
Regarding #6: - 21/04/2004 12:47:59 PM 41 Views
What?!?! - 21/04/2004 01:18:56 PM 21 Views
... - 21/04/2004 01:01:28 PM 19 Views
Re: 10 ways SATAN sneaks into your life - 21/04/2004 01:03:24 PM 63 Views
Thank you. - 21/04/2004 01:10:42 PM 34 Views
Marks down two new suspects in this mystery.... - 21/04/2004 01:23:57 PM 27 Views
Surrounds Wulf 'gar with Garden Gnomes *NM* - 21/04/2004 01:23:00 PM 6 Views
I resent no. 4 *NM* - 21/04/2004 01:29:29 PM 14 Views
i love you *NM* - 21/04/2004 01:54:15 PM 4 Views
Yeah, let's have a bra-less protest party over here! Come on, girls! *NM* - 21/04/2004 02:25:51 PM 7 Views
C'mon Zaph - as long as it's Satanic let's go all the way - 21/04/2004 03:00:44 PM 17 Views
LOL - 21/04/2004 05:03:19 PM 21 Views
I like the way a motorcycle vibrates when I'm astride. - 21/04/2004 05:27:31 PM 23 Views
- 21/04/2004 06:22:12 PM 15 Views
- 21/04/2004 06:35:16 PM 11 Views
LMAO (no really, I am!!) - 21/04/2004 05:52:50 PM 16 Views
Hey i like garden gnomes - 21/04/2004 05:57:30 PM 11 Views
This is something you hope is a joke.......... - 21/04/2004 06:49:12 PM 24 Views
EVANGELINE = SATAN? - 21/04/2004 11:47:39 PM 13 Views
Re: 10 ways SATAN sneaks into your life - 21/04/2004 07:00:06 PM 15 Views
Yeah, I agree - 21/04/2004 11:50:27 PM 15 Views
Good thing for your mother you weren't Evangeline and packing your - 21/04/2004 11:56:06 PM 16 Views
Hmm...he sneaks in? I thought my blood sacrifices called him openly - 21/04/2004 09:07:50 PM 28 Views
Don't dis Moloch - 22/04/2004 06:01:39 AM 15 Views
My Satan will trounce your Moloch and his gnomes - 22/04/2004 11:43:50 AM 11 Views
You want to challenge axe-man Moloch... - 23/04/2004 01:36:09 AM 5 Views
! My hero! *NM* - 21/04/2004 11:51:31 PM 6 Views
I bukkake for Jesus. - 21/04/2004 11:56:24 PM 28 Views
!!!!!!! That is wrong on so many levels!!!!! *NM* - 22/04/2004 02:24:22 PM 6 Views
BWAHAHAHA - 23/04/2004 03:39:26 AM 10 Views
OMG. ROFL. - 23/04/2004 12:45:59 PM 13 Views
All the better to swallow yours souls, my dear! *NM* - 22/04/2004 05:17:10 PM 5 Views
*evil grin* - 22/04/2004 07:39:42 PM 16 Views
Indeed we should! *NM* - 23/04/2004 07:01:54 PM 5 Views
Well... NB me and we can work out the details *NM* - 23/04/2004 07:20:00 PM 3 Views