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I have no problem with BS' dialogue in your example. Anonymous2000 Send a noteboard - 27/05/2014 03:52:27 AM

I actually had to read it 3 times to even get your point. The "he said" or "she mentioned" portion of dialogue normally doesn't even register with me. I am too focused on the conversation itself to care much (that is what is critical to the story, not the dialogue "format".

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Friendly challenge to Larry and other literary "snobs" on the board..... - 25/05/2014 06:44:34 PM 1035 Views
As it happens, I wrote an example last year. - 25/05/2014 07:13:41 PM 995 Views
Nice *NM* - 27/05/2014 02:43:53 AM 421 Views
I have no problem with BS' dialogue in your example. - 27/05/2014 03:52:27 AM 825 Views
Fair enough, but do you mind me waiting just a little bit? - 26/05/2014 04:57:18 AM 995 Views
Re: Fair enough, but do you mind me waiting just a little bit? - 26/05/2014 09:10:31 PM 945 Views
I really should read Irving, I see - 27/05/2014 06:10:50 AM 858 Views
Re: I really should read Irving, I see - 28/05/2014 03:01:24 AM 865 Views
Promising opening paragraph, yes, but... - 26/05/2014 10:55:16 PM 760 Views
I think those shifts are part of the character, not something unintentional - 27/05/2014 06:08:44 AM 793 Views
So bad prose is okay if it is intentional? *NM* - 27/05/2014 03:54:34 PM 386 Views
Okay, I do of course miss the perspective of what comes after. - 27/05/2014 06:29:33 PM 688 Views
I proudly claim the title of literary snob, and will provide you with a quick, unscientific example. - 26/05/2014 08:15:04 PM 889 Views
LOL! - 26/05/2014 10:03:50 PM 994 Views
Huh. Lana Del Rey quotes Nabokov... I had not made that connection. - 26/05/2014 11:17:47 PM 971 Views
That quote from Lolita sounds like it is from a romance novel with Fabio on the cover. - 27/05/2014 03:40:37 AM 788 Views
Bah! - 27/05/2014 07:50:15 PM 843 Views
Alloy of Law was great *NM* - 28/05/2014 08:16:26 PM 402 Views
Hell Yeah! *NM* - 28/05/2014 08:36:40 PM 365 Views
The audiobook was pretty great, as well. *NM* - 29/05/2014 09:19:07 PM 422 Views

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