I can't speak to those cultures because I don't know them very well. I do know in similar groups I've interacted with, I spent some time a box factory outside of Johannesburg, faggot definitely meant queer. I know South Africa isn't New Zealand, but they're similar enough in this instance, no?



But arsehole doesn't target a specific population and denigrate them. Everyone has an arsehole, and if someone is being an arse, you're calling them out for their behavior. Calling someone a faggot is different.



She also probably heard its more recent meaning all the time in school and at athletic events.



But she is not. She's 22, if I recall the article correctly, which means she would have been born in 88, well after the timeframe you put on the American Influence becoming big. She would have grown up hearing it in its more recent context and meaning as well as from older male relatives in the older context.



I think we're going to have to disagree on this one. I don't think a bit of soul searching is a bad thing. Anytime you hit a major bump, you should stop to look and think about why it happened, and this seems to be counting as a major bump.

If there's no underlying dislike for queer folk, fine, she'll go on, none the worse for having looked inside herself. If she looks, and realizes she does have an issue, she can address it.

What's the problem with that?