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Does anyone understand co-dependency? nossy Send a noteboard - 29/10/2010 03:59:52 PM
If that's even what it is. I'll explain. Roommate's father comes over every day (or nearly) to clean. Roommate is 30-something, and does not want father to come over to clean. Roommate has had countless talks with father, to no avail.

What is that? How does one fix that? My roomie usually wavers between anger and fatalistic acceptance. He feels he has no options but to either let it happen, or take his father's key. Neither is what he wants, because the latter will obviously upset his dad.

I've given every piece of advice I can - tell him to go volunteer, tell him it upsets you, tell him you want to take care of yourself, etc. The roommate has already been over that with him. His father seems completely unable to stop "helping."

Anyone come across this kind of thing? Is there anything to be done? I'm all out of fresh advice, and it has started to bother me on his behalf. I actually sort of said something to his dad this morning, because he had gutted his bedroom - all the laundry, all the papers and whatever on the floor, all the bedclothes, cleaned. When I walked through the kitchen, he (father) laughed and said that he had to hurry and get this kind of thing done when roommate wasn't around. I couldn't help but to ask if roommate had wanted him to do all that. He said, "Sometimes he needs help." I said, "Heh, he's thirty." It kind of embarrassed him, and then he started telling me how old he actually was (32, 34, no, 32).

I would like to help, but maybe there is no help. Anyone have any ideas?

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Does anyone understand co-dependency? - 29/10/2010 03:59:52 PM 758 Views
That's almost.... creepy. - 29/10/2010 04:12:50 PM 482 Views
Almost? - 29/10/2010 04:45:41 PM 491 Views
It sounds like the man may have some OCD cleaning problems as well. - 29/10/2010 04:13:28 PM 493 Views
I definitely think so. - 29/10/2010 05:08:01 PM 486 Views
Re: I definitely think so. - 29/10/2010 06:17:51 PM 480 Views
I dunno. - 29/10/2010 04:26:19 PM 543 Views
Re: I dunno. - 29/10/2010 05:11:59 PM 512 Views
I don't think it's offensive. - 29/10/2010 05:19:03 PM 491 Views
well..even if it isn't offensive by nature, his dad will probably still be offended - 29/10/2010 05:25:54 PM 486 Views
Of course he will. - 29/10/2010 05:37:08 PM 496 Views
Um... I disagree with "what he's gettingout of it". - 30/10/2010 12:48:56 PM 468 Views
and if one wants a father, rather than a free maid? - 30/10/2010 03:00:03 PM 533 Views
He can make sure the place is clean before the father shows up. - 30/10/2010 03:25:40 PM 477 Views
I honestly think - 29/10/2010 05:12:09 PM 481 Views
I'd also say just take the key, but that's just me. - 29/10/2010 05:16:17 PM 472 Views
Why does he have a key? - 29/10/2010 05:23:50 PM 418 Views
Does he do the dishes and clean the bathrooms? - 29/10/2010 06:54:07 PM 467 Views
Tell your roomate to sh*t or get off the pot - 29/10/2010 07:37:35 PM 457 Views
that sounds, er, nice and all - 30/10/2010 03:07:06 PM 539 Views
sorry, but it sounds like the time for "niceness" has long passed - 30/10/2010 07:28:56 PM 546 Views
Give him my address and everyone wins. - 30/10/2010 10:25:30 AM 503 Views
I totally agree with Ave... - 30/10/2010 11:52:08 PM 533 Views

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