Active Users:644 Time:04/08/2025 06:15:39 AM
I can't speak for others, but had no luck seeking a mate (passively or not) online, at any site. Joel Send a noteboard - 23/03/2011 12:32:57 AM
I used to joke and still believe that wotmania had a better success rate at matchmaking than did EHarmony and the like, because nearly everyone who found a date/partner/mate/spouse/whatever at wotmania didn't COME to wotmania for that purpose. Instead, people came to a site catering to their other interests, met a lot of people with whom they had at least one (and usually several) strong interests and interacted with them naturally. Over time they discovered more common interests with some people and/or developed friendships, in some cases that grew into strong attraction and in more than a few that, in turn, blossomed into a strong romantic relationship. Certainly the fact that regular large scale Gatherings were more common helped; it's one thing to talk all the time online, but until you spend time together in person it's usually impossible to know whether you'll have the same (or more) chemistry or if it'll become awkward in an instant and only get worse. I was only there for the last half of wotmanias existence, but that's what I observed, though it was several years before I began to appreciate all the dynamics involved. From that I drew two conclusions:

1) Just like any other environment where there's a reasonable probability of finding a "significant other", it's best if it happens naturally, and almost impossible if you try to force it.

2) Few if any long term couples who met through wotmania were seeking a partner at wotmania, either actively and consciously or passively and subconsciously, when they found each other.

I feel confident in those conclusions simply because, while I didn't come for that purpose, during most of my stay at wotmania I was passively looking, usually without realizing it. I gained some good friends in the process, but every episode with legitimately romantic dimensions ended quickly and with bruised feelings (though none as bad as another such episode at another site). A large part of that was undeniably me; I wanted a relationship but was not "relationship ready", but it took meeting an nice attractive woman who was equally eager and unready to show me that: There was never any chance, not because of the environment, but because of us; neither of us was capable of a healthy relationship, and the combination was a disaster. So I finally did a lot of belated growing up, accepted that until I could be happy with just me and God no one I added to that situation would magically make me happy, and quit even passively seeking a partner, online or elsewhere.

Within a few weeks I met the woman I married last Saturday; we were happy apart, but together we make each other much happiER.

That's my two cents, lest you draw the same wrong conclusions I once did about how much love is in the air at wotmania or RAFO. If you're sure you're ready, don't miss an opportunity when presented with mutual attraction, but don't try, um, forcing a square peg into a round hole, if you'll excuse the metaphor. It tends to be very hard on the hole, and often on the peg as well. If you just ended a relationship, it might be a good idea to take some quality time with yourself, both to examine why it ended, with an eye to avoiding making the same mistakes (or choosing the same bad matches) and to simply enjoy a little solitude and appreciate how fulfilling your life is in itself, without needing to share it with someone else. The other thing I learned the hard way despite people trying to tell me for years is that while it's OK to WANT a partner it's very bad to NEED one.

There are certainly plenty of fine women here, a number of whom are single (and that's by no means limited to those who've already responded, but I'm not nominating anyone). Just let it happen naturally; instead of asking who's single and finding out if you're attracted to each other, spend time talking with people for the sake of doing it, and if/when you find a woman with whom there's a mutual liking find out if she's single. Good luck and God bless with all future prospects, romantic and otherwise. Sorry if I maundered on a bit, but having done foolish things for the wrong reasons I'd hate to inadvertently encourage anyone to do the same thing; doing it right is a lot more fun and a lot less painful both for ourselves and those around us.

Honorbound and honored to be Bonded to Mahtaliel Sedai
Last First in wotmania Chat
Slightly better than chocolate.

Love still can't be coerced.
Please Don't Eat the Newbies!

LoL. Be well, RAFOlk.
Reply to message
Any single ladies here? - 21/03/2011 03:12:36 PM 1644 Views
I say look in your area! - 21/03/2011 03:28:29 PM 994 Views
You seem to be speaking from experience - 21/03/2011 03:39:36 PM 795 Views
Both. - 21/03/2011 03:55:36 PM 938 Views
What have I ever done to you? *NM* - 21/03/2011 04:03:36 PM 434 Views
- 21/03/2011 09:23:12 PM 849 Views
And here I was trying to be nice... *NM* - 21/03/2011 06:38:24 PM 424 Views
But everyone is hooking up here! - 21/03/2011 03:47:03 PM 922 Views
Most guys who are balding look better with a close crop. - 21/03/2011 03:56:22 PM 876 Views
Re: Most guys who are balding look better with a close crop. - 21/03/2011 03:58:25 PM 794 Views
I thought that that was impotence? - 21/03/2011 09:22:48 PM 867 Views
Whoa whoa whoa - 21/03/2011 09:34:15 PM 832 Views
Me!! *raises hand* - 21/03/2011 04:41:49 PM 876 Views
Oh reeeeeaaaalllllyyyy.... - 21/03/2011 05:11:45 PM 831 Views
Maybe you're right... - 21/03/2011 05:45:12 PM 732 Views
Home of the Gophers - 21/03/2011 05:50:08 PM 838 Views
Is living in the US a criteria? - 21/03/2011 08:19:15 PM 946 Views
Not necessarily - 21/03/2011 08:29:50 PM 774 Views
I'm still in the game then! - 21/03/2011 08:34:19 PM 782 Views
One of the advantages to our over priced system is it pays well - 21/03/2011 08:38:37 PM 777 Views
Re: I'm still in the game then! - 21/03/2011 08:44:43 PM 778 Views
I was about to say that my soul isn't for sale.. - 22/03/2011 08:41:21 AM 926 Views
Nobody can resist a foot massage - 22/03/2011 11:58:15 AM 917 Views
er, sorta? *NM* - 21/03/2011 06:41:31 PM 494 Views
Sorta single? *NM* - 21/03/2011 06:44:32 PM 471 Views
yes - 21/03/2011 06:51:12 PM 884 Views
Ahh British - 21/03/2011 06:59:23 PM 819 Views
london, me old china - 21/03/2011 07:03:31 PM 769 Views
Hmm intriguing - 21/03/2011 07:10:36 PM 849 Views
yeah - 21/03/2011 07:19:18 PM 852 Views
Re: yeah - 21/03/2011 07:28:55 PM 734 Views
This is possibly my favourite post ever. *NM* - 21/03/2011 07:18:49 PM 454 Views
Hehe - 21/03/2011 07:30:04 PM 909 Views
The original post, although the replies are funny too. *NM* - 21/03/2011 08:42:58 PM 477 Views
I am to please - 21/03/2011 08:48:11 PM 869 Views
Heh. - 21/03/2011 08:49:53 PM 941 Views
Re: Heh. - 21/03/2011 08:53:02 PM 745 Views
Don't you use the screen name Joel sometimes? - 21/03/2011 08:55:37 PM 820 Views
Ha! - 21/03/2011 08:57:45 PM 827 Views
How dare you, sir?! I haven't flirted at Bekah in years. - 23/03/2011 12:38:34 AM 701 Views
don't worry no one will believe it is you - 23/03/2011 12:55:37 AM 812 Views
Meh; most of my "tangents" aren't that tangential. - 27/03/2011 03:19:54 AM 1038 Views
It might help if you say what your culture is. *NM* - 21/03/2011 07:19:46 PM 494 Views
Oops sorry - 21/03/2011 07:31:36 PM 864 Views
Well he did say he was from Texas so - 21/03/2011 08:29:38 PM 747 Views
No not true - 21/03/2011 08:31:47 PM 800 Views
I said a plus - 21/03/2011 08:40:32 PM 944 Views
You should hook up with Darth Katie... - 21/03/2011 09:50:18 PM 810 Views
Lol *NM* - 21/03/2011 09:56:29 PM 482 Views
Hahahaha *NM* - 21/03/2011 11:10:06 PM 461 Views
*NM* - 22/03/2011 02:39:49 PM 492 Views
Hahaha that's like Nephtis and mapthis all over again. - 22/03/2011 10:35:07 PM 723 Views
Likewise, I miss Gavroche, but I don't miss the confusion. *NM* - 22/03/2011 10:38:16 PM 463 Views
Wait, you are NOT Gavroche?? *NM* - 22/03/2011 10:49:33 PM 407 Views
As surely as you are iron lad - 22/03/2011 11:41:26 PM 908 Views
'ow do you do? Moi name's Gavroche. - 23/03/2011 01:39:42 AM 797 Views
That's why I changed it!! - 22/03/2011 10:48:34 PM 767 Views
Cool! What was it before? *NM* - 22/03/2011 11:28:22 PM 393 Views
Jedi_Elf_Aes Sedai *NM* - 22/03/2011 11:41:32 PM 441 Views
I don't know that anyone was surprised by that being a girl's name, *NM* - 23/03/2011 12:00:16 AM 415 Views
Or confuse it with Dark Knight, for that matter. *NM* - 23/03/2011 12:17:42 AM 471 Views
I thought it was pretty clear too. - 23/03/2011 02:34:34 AM 871 Views
Maybe you shouldn't have played male characters there *NM* - 23/03/2011 08:20:37 PM 394 Views
Nah - 21/03/2011 10:56:58 PM 735 Views
Belals Girl, Yunalesca, and Maria are all single - 21/03/2011 11:04:41 PM 1120 Views
Everybody has nice eyes. - 22/03/2011 10:22:41 PM 733 Views
And it's usually commented on when the person is butt-ugly and you can't say anything. - 22/03/2011 10:31:42 PM 792 Views
Well I didn't go that far. - 22/03/2011 10:45:16 PM 801 Views
Re: Well I didn't go that far. - 22/03/2011 11:47:52 PM 786 Views
Re: Well I didn't go that far. - 23/03/2011 12:28:39 AM 937 Views
Dammit. - 23/03/2011 01:42:20 AM 970 Views
Doesn't mean they're not true! - 23/03/2011 02:06:22 AM 733 Views
ok, and now I notice you word choice: "striking" - 22/03/2011 10:48:45 PM 746 Views
Some people just do have really striking eyes though - 22/03/2011 10:56:31 PM 798 Views
That's true. - 22/03/2011 11:20:04 PM 778 Views
I didn't want to engage in an outright lie. - 23/03/2011 12:44:04 AM 853 Views
Re: I didn't want to engage in an outright lie. - 23/03/2011 02:08:36 AM 718 Views
Not true - 22/03/2011 10:50:29 PM 924 Views
Re: Not true - 22/03/2011 11:01:47 PM 789 Views
Re: Not true - 22/03/2011 11:08:25 PM 792 Views
Of course it's a personal preference. - 22/03/2011 11:37:35 PM 963 Views
lol, It's not "a guy" - 23/03/2011 01:15:04 AM 1102 Views
Here's a really blond guy singing it. - 23/03/2011 01:23:55 AM 816 Views
Aaaah, it's mere nationalism. - 24/03/2011 11:34:44 AM 1392 Views
Counterpoint to me! - 22/03/2011 11:42:23 PM 788 Views
I think I can carry on an entire debate with myself - 22/03/2011 11:51:29 PM 754 Views
But I don't want to... - 23/03/2011 12:19:32 AM 867 Views
I'm so vain/superficial! - 23/03/2011 12:32:19 AM 767 Views
You prob'ly think this sub-thread is about you. - 23/03/2011 12:35:24 AM 901 Views
Re: Not true - 22/03/2011 11:48:46 PM 908 Views
Hey! - 23/03/2011 03:47:28 AM 1149 Views
Yours are fine - 23/03/2011 08:14:03 AM 965 Views
You have smiley eyes. - 23/03/2011 01:38:30 PM 722 Views
Not everyone, or at least not always - 22/03/2011 11:17:03 PM 767 Views
hahaha, that doesn't count! - 22/03/2011 11:27:50 PM 779 Views
I can't speak for others, but had no luck seeking a mate (passively or not) online, at any site. - 23/03/2011 12:32:57 AM 1013 Views
Goodness, you always respond so seriously... - 23/03/2011 03:57:47 PM 869 Views
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHheUVcdqTQ - 24/03/2011 11:40:43 AM 891 Views
Another popular song with the same idea. - 23/03/2011 01:52:31 AM 1024 Views

Reply to Message