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I feared that might be part of the problem. Joel Send a noteboard - 13/10/2011 09:06:03 PM
My one size fits all solution to every problem; it has never failed me yet.

But, yeah, I dunno, really; I would probably just chunk his scattered crap back in his room (or the street) whenever he abandoned it and make him deal with it, or at least get it out of the rest of the house, but beyond that, not sure what to tell ya. If you cannot yet move and your parents are not ready to intervene themselves there is not much you can do, particularly not if he can run complaining to mom and dad every time you try to lay down the law. As long as you are living with your folks (which is the impression I have, perhaps wrongly, from your comments) they have the authority. You cannot make them use it and trying could just make the situation worse if they see you as overstepping yourself, while your brother can just ignore (or further provoke) you since he knows you are in no position to do anything but keep getting impotently mad.

the thing is since the two of us got jobs the balance of power buggered off down the pub.

It does complicate things when you have no leverage.

I assume in all this that you have already attempted the "sit down and discuss the matter dispassionately like reasonable adults" route. If a strongly antagonistic dynamic was already present that was probably a hopeless task from the outset because he was predisposed to hear his annoying judgemental sister rather than an objective human being. Good luck with it; hope things get better sooner rather than later. Ibuprofen gel caps FTW.

that's the other problem, i cannot have a civilised convo with him, he annoys me that much.

That sounds more familiar than I would like, but the only thing I can say is that unless you both recognize the large personal angle that invariably turns discussion into argument there is probably little chance either of you can reason with the other. My only suggestion is to be alert for the things you know always set you off and try not to reflexively lash out when they happen, because those are almost certainly HIS triggers and then it just becomes a vicious cycle that ends with two people shouting at each other and throwing things without improving anything. After years or even decades of that constructive conversation can be like learning to listen all over again because sometimes, with that one person, unconscious reactions supplanted listening along time ago. Anyway, good luck with what sounds like a very frustrating impasse.
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advice needed - 13/10/2011 08:01:51 PM 440 Views
Well, the obvious connection ... - 13/10/2011 08:27:39 PM 275 Views
pff, he has a job but he pisses his money away - 13/10/2011 08:42:00 PM 240 Views
Well then there's not much you can do. - 13/10/2011 08:54:33 PM 242 Views
Sell the platypus on EBay, dump the dead bus driver in a river and burn the overalls. - 13/10/2011 08:27:55 PM 309 Views
Re: Sell the platypus on EBay, dump the dead bus driver in a river and burn the overalls. - 13/10/2011 08:54:47 PM 261 Views
I feared that might be part of the problem. - 13/10/2011 09:06:03 PM 314 Views
Nuke the site from orbit. - 13/10/2011 08:49:03 PM 234 Views
Don't lend him money, and if his crap is in the way, throw it onto the street or something. - 13/10/2011 09:51:01 PM 265 Views
I have to agree with this, and with Jeo - 14/10/2011 12:09:50 AM 247 Views
See my above comment but also remember... - 14/10/2011 12:12:55 AM 259 Views
This. - 14/10/2011 08:07:19 AM 230 Views
yes true. *NM* - 14/10/2011 09:04:18 AM 95 Views
Don't lend him money. I don't see how the rest is any of your concern. *NM* - 14/10/2011 06:53:25 PM 99 Views
its my concern because he is making me angry - 15/10/2011 08:24:37 PM 209 Views
If you don't run, they can't chase you. *NM* - 16/10/2011 02:20:49 PM 90 Views
"Likes" *NM* - 16/10/2011 04:52:57 PM 116 Views
Re: angry - 16/10/2011 05:33:09 PM 235 Views

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