... the other day I was standing in line at Wal-Mart, because I had forgotten to buy eggs at the grocery store and I happened to be at Wal-Mart giving someone a ride. All I had was the carton of eggs, so I hopped into the express line. It then proceeded to become the World's Slowest Line. The regular line beside me, with people and their carts stuffed full of goods, was moving faster than my express line, where the dour-faced lady at the checkout was very slowly and deliberately scanning each item and placing it just right into the bag, and then when the bag was full, slowly carrying it out of her area and around to set it into the person's cart if they had one. So there I am, stuck in the Express Lane from Hell, the sounds of Wal-Mart washing over me, looking at all the people and the things they are buying, looking at the dreadful celebrity magazines stacked all over the checkout area, and realizing that if anything on this earth could make me consider taking up drinking, this line was probably it.

Twenty-five minutes later, I paid $2 for my eggs and went home.