I understand what you are saying. My own parents are still against gay-marriage, and I was at one time too. They raised me to be a loving Christian and to "love the sinner." I'm not talking about intentions, though, I'm talking about choices. A choice can be a hateful choice whether or not the person making it is "hate-filled." After all, isn't that part and parcel to "hate the sin but love the sinner"? That a person can do an evil thing even if they are a good person; that they can do a hateful thing even if they are not filled with hate. And after all, it is right in the mantra: hate the sin. You can't do that without making hateful choices. They may, to you, be the right choices, but if they are choices made to "hate the sin" they must necessarily be hateful, even if you yourself are not filled with hate. But since gay people identify with the very lifestyle that is being called a sin, that hate for the sin is necessarily felt as hate for their lifestyle, for their identity. So naturally they want to combat that hate, and name it for what it is; because however righteous "hating the sin" may seem to the Christian, it is a hate that nevertheless causes harm to the "sinner" that the Christian loves. Loving intentions? Sure. But still hateful, harmful choices.