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I'm going to London this weekend Aeryn Send a noteboard - 23/01/2014 12:40:44 PM

My life is much the same it was 5 years ago - same job (except I like it a lot more now, even though I might grumble), same apartment (renting in the NYC boroughs, my sister Vivien is my roommate and we get along fabulously; it's great to have someone to watch a marathon of Once Upon a Time with me every day). So it feels like nothing is changing. I have more gray hair (I color it jet black now when I do it, but I'm mostly laid back bout it - I tell myself that gray hair makes me look distinguished), same amount of wrinkles (so NOT laid back about that). The only thing I use to measure the passing of time are the vacations I take. I got my passport and went abroad for the first time 3 years ago, and totally caught the travel bug. My goal now is to visit 2 new countries per year. So far I've visited Budapest, Vienna, Spain (Madrid, Seville, Granada), Morocco (Mekhnes), Costa Rica, China (Dali), and Thailand. Next up: London, then Italy, then Peru.

I have a boyfriend now, almost 3 years (wow!). Remember my very last "dating dilemma" post on whether it'd be wrong of me to date someone black (poaching and all)? I did. I've been really really happy in the last few years, happier than ever before. That's one big change from 5 years ago - I've shaken off the last dregs of my depression of 2006-2007. Depression is a nasty and sneaky thing, and even when it's over, even you're not predisposed and it was just a singular event, it still takes years to fully move beyond it, to recover all of your faculties - courage, daring, ambition. To fully exhale and feel like yourself. I don't recommend it. Do anything you can to prevent a depression, attack it with all you've got.

I'm a much more callous and selfish person now. I remember how haunted I was by a starving man I saw 8 years ago. Now I don't look. Is that a good or a bad thing? My actions have changed, just the internal worry is gone. I've accepted that I cannot make anyone's life better in a substantial way, and I care more about how I feel than how someone else feels.

I want a dog. That is the only thing missing from my life. I don't want kids, although, looking at my boyfriend's family, for the first time I understand why one would. He said he doesn't want any kids for the next 5 years, so we don't have to break up until then.

I don't have any new hobbies. Fewer hobbies in fact. I read much less now (mostly fantasy, very little scifi), and I don't buy books anymore. I exercise sporadically. Does TV & traveling count as a hobby? Traveling ought to, but it's really sad to imagine that out of the 52 weeks in the year, I live for 4, and just impatiently wait out the other 48. I have only a few friends, and I don't see them frequently. I really like my job now, so that is very promising. I think eventually I will become a financial advisor, as I find it very rewarding to help people with investments and financial planning. But the next immediate step is becoming a portfolio analyst and in 5 years, taking over for the portfolio manager. At the team meeting yesterday, one of my bosses (the one who fancies himself CEO of the partnership) jokes that if the current PM retired today, he would hire my male colleague as the PM - even though he has nothing to do with the portfolio, and even though it's my name now on the presentation materials. But the fact that I'm angry about that is awesome. It means I want something, and wanting is priceless.

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