My parents divorced when I was a toddler and I don't remember living with my dad at all. I also only saw him a couple of times a year, so he wasn't really involved in my life. My mom married my step dad when I was 9, so it isn't exactly the same situation, but close. My step-dad is my dad as far as I'm concerned. I still call him Robert, but I don't really equate that with being his name. It is like saying "dad" for me.

They asked me if I would like to be adopted by him and change my last name, but I said no. If for the only reason that my name was my name. As a 10 year old (when they asked) I probably didn't answer it with much tact, but it wasn't a comment against my step-dad nor a comment in favor of my dad. It was my name and I wanted to keep it.



It would have made people realize that my step-brother and step-sister were "related" to me, but it wouldn't have changed anything. My sister is two years older and brother is one year younger, so old enough to know it wouldn't matter. We would have just been adopted siblings instead of step-siblings.



It is tricky. I don't think there is a right answer. The important part is maintaining the relationship. Names are ultimately trivial. If you are worried that the kids will grow up with different names...don't. Step-families aren't exactly a new thing.