1:54 Is there a reason we are supposed to care that this is “The Greenwood” when it basically looks like it could be anywhere in Middle Earth?

2:05 Is Meteor Man Hobo going to erect Dol Guldur now?

3:26 Utter shocker, the creepy white clad ladies are evil. But I am pretty sure they have just cleared Meteor Hobo from suspicion of being Sauron.

5:51 Must be serious. Galadriel is on horseback and still looks miserable. But where is this city to which she is riding? The only possibility, given what we have been shown of this setting in Lindon, since Men don’t have anything but Numenor and peasant villages.

6:39 It feels like they might actually be circling around to canon. The Three Rings of the Elves did, in fact, allow the Elves to withstand the entropy or whatever that was portrayed in a grossly distorted fashion back when Gil-Galad explained by they needed mithril, and it looks like Celebrimbor is ham-fistedly setting up a benign motivation for his forging of the Three. Never mind that there is no time, since Sauron has not shown up in Eregion to tempt him yet, as he is still laboring along in his current disguise, and the Elven affliction has been presented as urgent.

7:07 Speak of the devil…

7:26 Hack dialog resuming. “How it is you’re here?” Why would Elrond not be in Eregion which is right next door to Lindon, more or less. How Galadriel is on the wrong continent is a legitimate question. But screenwriters just love to throw words up there and have them make sense via actors pretending these are reasonable things to say and Galadriel’s tossing the question back at Elrond is fair.

7:45 Why is Elrond flagellating himself for putting Galadriel on the ship? What harm has been wrought by her absence? What wrong was done to her in doing so, aside from making her the central figure of a canon-rape plotline? Not just from the objective view of the plot, but what has Elrond experienced since making that choice to cause him to think he was wrong or regret it?

8:03 Galadriel’s going to Valinor was never about worth. She will eventually “diminish and go West and remain Galadriel” which does not strike me as achieving any kind of enlightened or higher state of worthiness. The only Elf with a task in Middle Earth was Cirdan the Shipwright. And later, Glorfindel. Beyond that, there is an open invitation to all Elves to move to Valinor, and it is implied that not a little of her staying behind at this point is hubris.

And how does worthiness to leave square with this withering issue Gil-Galad needs mithril to avert?

8:27 How is Elrond drowning? The sole thing on his plate right now is “no mithril” and the result that the Elves will be forced to leave Middle Earth. How is Galadriel going to prevent this? What makes her think she can, aside from a (by this point, canonical) arrogant assumption of her omnipotence? The Southlands campaign and its results seem to have made no impression on her self-assurance.

8:48 Drowning was a stupid metaphor. Doubling down does not fix it. Elrond did not need to be told they have to swim, his question was “By what process are we to achieve swimming?”

9:08 And here goes the collaboration of Sauron and Celebrimbor. There is literally no time for Adar or Meteor Hobo to show up, and this being the finale, you have to address the eponymous Rings at some point this season which has not been done.

9:52 How does opening the skylight serve as a statement of identity? The only way this makes sense is if Halbrand is possessed of some knowledge – in this case, of Celebrimbor’s appearance – which an ordinary Southlands Man would never have. But Sauron would.

10:01 Who would be the master under whom Mairon apprenticed? How would Celebrimbor have impressed Aule or Morgoth (Melkor) back in Valinor, when he would have appeared as a lesser reflection of Grandpa Feanor?

11:09Celebrimbor chuckled at the idea of hen’s teeth, like it’s a joke, instead of a cliché.

11:16 How does Celebrimbor not understand the concept of alloys? Nickel and iron is a naturally-occurring alloy! How would one of the greatest smiths in the history of the continent never have heard of it as late as the end of the Second Age?

11:36 This is only not suspect in the eyes of the super-woke for whom the great Elven civilization of Lindon represents supremacy and privilege, and it is perfectly natural that the primitives of the Southlands would have insights that Eregion was blind to.

For any sensible person, the explanation is the advanced knowledge of one of the Ainur.

13:53 This all feels manufactured for something for Earien to do.

14:20 It is beyond ridiculous that some apprentice craftsman would be left so alone with even a dying & marginalized king. If nothing else, there should have been guards in the room to prevent him from corrupting them with his Elf-loving ways

14:44 I guess we are supposed to be worried about Earien because she’s looking into the palantir? But seriously, what is this achieving? How does another person learning about the fate of Numenor change things? Or is this going to be the source of the escape of the House of Elendil, that Earien will warn Elendil and Isildur so they can flee in time?

15:08 One Crown to rule them all, One Crown to find them…

15:11 ”Why a crown?” Because the writers are very, very dumb and are trying to work their way to ring.

15:19 These writers simply do not disappoint.

15:39 Galadriel says “sometimes the perilous path is the only path. I wouldn’t be standing here otherwise” as if her very presence is always and automatically right and good and ideal. What has she done, what has happened to justify her presence as an achievement that proves the worth of “the perilous path”?

15:32 Do you have some other plan that makes this effort a bad idea?

16:31 Halbrand’s suggestions were “the key that unlocked the dam.” Is that supposed to be clever?

First of all, keys don’t unlock dams. The only time that metaphor has worked was when Sauron apparently made the creation of Mount Doom reliant on a key that was the Morgulsaber, which was necessary to start the eruption process. Why do it that way? Why use a key? How does it go against Sauron’s agenda if someone else comes along and sets the process off prematurely? That would be the only reason for a key, to prevent the wrong person from accessing something or to prevent it being accessed until you are ready. What about that volcano would have been bad for Sauron if someone other than Old Quisling Villager had set it off, or if it had happened any time since he set it all up?

So that line is basically calling to mind a unique circumstance set up by Sauron for no good reason, making it especially unlikely that anyone but Sauron would ever be associated with a key that unlocks a dam.

This is a bit of fake cleverness built on a whole mountain of utter imbecility. Either they did all this nonsense so they could have that line and call it foreshadowing, or they are so stupid that they have no idea what they did here.

16:36 That weird sideways stare could mean Galadriel is putting things together, which is the bare minimum they can do to service the original story that she (and Gil-Galad) was wary of Sauron and Celebrimbor did not listen to them.

Also, power of spirit, not strength is not a new kind of power, it is the oldest there is.

16:43 Do they really think these rings are the first example of power over flesh that have appeared in this world? What about the Silmarils? Laurelin & Telperion? All the stuff Morgoth did?

17:14 Is no one going to comment on the fact that someone has somehow forged a bosom for Guy-ladriel? She’s no Earien, but here she looks like she has the build of something other than a twelve-year-old boy.

19:05 It should be very suspicious that some low Man (for the record, that is a technical term for non-Numenoreans, not a side remark) is suddenly Celebrimbor’s number two, but it’s entirely in keeping with the way this show does things, especially their lack of attention to details like societal workings. We just had a brand new apprentice draftsman being left alone with the dying king in order to make the plot happen sketch his likeness for a tomb (because there are no coins from his reign? Because no one bothered to capture his image while he was in his prime?). They have not put in the effort to make it clear that Halbrand should not have jumped over the whole hierarchy, here, or suddenly and inexplicably getting his guild badge in Numenor, especially given his Elf associations, the opinion of a leading guild member in that regard, and his own history of attempting to steal a guild badge. But this show has done nothing to set out that these things are abnormal and indicate preternatural abilities on Halbrand’s part, rather than examples of the shoddy plotting and world-building of any fantasy show.

20:54 A low Man should not tower over Galadriel like that.

22:40 Not buying it.

23:56 Nori is just too stupid to live. The third one disappearing is exactly why you should NOT move, until she is accounted for! As ever on television, the greatest form of power is having people act in ways convenient for you to foil their efforts.

24:47 So tied-up Meteor Hobo is actually Eminem Lady?

24:59 When convenient, Eminem Lady is omnipotent, but now she is having trouble grappling an elderly hobbit.

25:50 And now the sleep spell has failed, just in time to save Nori. But not Sadoc, screw him. He’s not our heroine who has been objectively wrong from day one and got a great many people hurt or killed, indirectly.

28:14 That flamethrower spell is both spectacularly inefficient and remarkably ineffective.

28:50 Those monsters have bestowed upon him the ability to use complete sentences.

29:22 For someone who just dramatically stated that only Meteor Man can define himself, she has been bound to impose her own vision on him from the outset.

30:54 So which wizard (Istar) is he? The Blues would be pointless and the others are just wrong.

31:27 "I go to my fathers. And even in their mighty company I shall not now be ashamed." Except he’s got to explain all the people abandoned to die under his leadership…

32:06 Hasn’t he been established as able to heal?

32:46 As Tolkien exit lines go, that was weak. But very typical of TV. I’m thinking of Mike on Breaking Bad.

33:05 A shot of sad Numenoreans to make it significant when Isildur is revealed to be alive!

33:29 A Man said “It’s Nine,” on a show called “Rings of Power.” Symbolism! Also, disabled representation!

34:09 Nah, I don’t need time to process my loss, it was only Isildur.

36:34 In the time it took for Elendil to bandage Miriel’s eyes and walk up the stairs, the ship has gone from “in sight” of Numenor, to well into the entrance channel to the harbor.

39:18 You just know this obscure library record is going to have exactly the right amount of information for dramatic purposes, and no more, regardless of how little sense it would be to have the information and not have the omitted data. Right now, my bet is just enough to make Galadriel suspicious and not enough to convince anyone else.

40:24 Because an Elven kingdom would have absolutely complete and accurate, indisputable records of the royal family of the Southlands. And the Southlands could not be bothered to cope with this king situation by naming a new one, or even raising a pretender?

No, we’re just not going to examine this “proof” because it’s time for the dramatic reveal.

41:25 Valinor, where stones don’t float because of their flawed perspective.

43:31 “Your” fellow Elves, not “our” fellow Elves. So clever. What is the point of all this going to be? Galadriel was wrong to follow Finrod’s dubious wisdom all this time?

44:09 How has her jumping off the ship been a case of touching the darkness in order to find the light, aside from her coincidental, and to this point, unknowing, acquaintanceship with Mairon/Sauron/Halbrand/Anatar? In what way was she knowingly touching the darkness?

46:45Show, we have talked about you touching words you are not worthy of!

And the seal-clapping critics and fans are going to be yammering about how this brings everything full circle with her speech in Fellowship of the Ring.

47:38 There is absolutely nothing you can point to in this season that demonstrates the idea of ruling Middle Earth is antithetical to Galadriel. Yes, she has not striven for power or authority, though she behaves often as if she is more entitled than any two kings or queens, but aside from a single-minded obsession with finding Sauron and a refusal to believe anything but her own impulses, she has not shown any sort of defining traits. And those are not incompatible with being a monarch. As late as the end of the Third Age, being a queen and wielding great power for good was a temptation to Galadriel.

The closest thing to an intelligent defense of this character on this show has been the claim that she is in the midst of a character arc, that she will have to learn and grow in her experiences in this story, to become the queen we see in the movies. But A. at the point in her life where she is now, her growth and maturation are coming horribly late, B. this bit here is not in line with her growing into the Lady of Lothlorien, as the implicit characterization of Galadriel is that anyone who offers her ruling power does not know her at all, that ruling is nothing she wants any part of, because in the book lore, she was ambitious to rule and left Valinor for precisely that reason, and only finally gave it up and passed her test in Lothlorien when offered the One Ring by Frodo, and C. none of the alleged growth her character is experiencing in this story has been earned or even depicted. Even this line to Sauron “That is why I will never be at your side” is not a declaration of growth, but a reaffirming an (allegedly) extant trait. That is the kind of thing someone says when standing their ground against temptations to stray, or in getting back to their true self after being deceived or deluding into pursuing something that is not them for a time.

The pity is, there could have been an interesting story of the canonically repentant Sauron reaching out to Galadriel for help and Galadriel actually being tempted with the power that would come with going along with his plan to fix Middle Earth, and still get from there to LotR. But these eight episodes have given me no confidence in the writers’ ability to handle it.

48:20 I don’t understand! She is sinking, even though she is looking up! Isn’t that the difference between a ship and a stone?

49:08 He was actually adopted by Celebrimbor’s uncle. Nor was he without kin, since he had a twin brother, whose existence has been established on this show.

49:19 How would this information not have been available to Sauron, that this bare bones anecdote proves this is Elrond and not a phantom of the enemy?

49:37 This is one of the rare cases of a character rushing off without telling the other person the important thing being plausible. Because saying “this guy I am 100% responsible for being present in Middle Earth, being hailed as a king in the Southlands and gaining entry to Eregion is actually Sauron” would create as many problems for her as it would solve.

Also, Celebrimbor made the Three Rings of the Elves on his own, with no help from Sauron, which is why Sauron had no power over them without the One Ring, and the Elves could wear them safely once the One Ring was cut from his finger.

49:43 Is there something I am supposed to notice about those plants?

50:24 Okay, even if “Halbrand” has not been back to the workshop since he followed Galadriel out, he was involved with an awful lot of the rings’ design and construction to this point. And, canonically, he did collaborate with Celebrimbor on the Nine and the Seven. So maybe this is where Celebrimbor is going to ignore Galadriel’s warnings and work with Halbrand again to make the other Rings of Power?

50:33 Galadriel has no call to speak about trust here! If she meant what she is saying, she would tell them the truth and trust them to accept it and forgive her mistakes.

50:57 Ultimately, the forging of the Three can be seen as a good thing, so of course it has to be Galadriel’s idea, in part.

And this stuff about balance is stupid and unnecessary. We know that there were three kindreds of Elves, and three leaders who led their people into Beleriand and then to Valinor. There were seven fathers of the Dwarves, and seven kindreds there as well. That’s the simplest reason for the numbers of the Rings, not for some imaginary balance achieved by the properties of the number three, which are just made up for the script anyway. Other works of fiction I have read have talked about a tripod being the least stable of structures, because that’s what fit their narrative.

51:26 She will clearly oh-so-nobly sacrifice her brother’s dagger for those pure alloys. But what about her hair?

51:39 The truest creation is an act of pure will. What did God sacrifice in creating the world? And how does this make sense for Celebrimbor to say, except as an avatar of the script? What is his relationship with Galadriel that allows him to make such a pointed comment about sacrifice being necessary?

52:14 A certainty he can’t explain, that comes of reading the script, as well as the knowledge of the same source that someone else is Sauron, so he does not have to worry about that part of what the creepy ladies said also being true.

54:30 It sounds fucking hypocritical whenever any of you Darwinist sociopaths says it!

57:10 These rambling aphorism make no sense and add no emotion to this scene, or fix the underserved relationships between the Brandyfoots.

58:15 Why do we care about this second hug?

58:35 “Why does everyone I love the most always have to go away?”
“Because if we didn’t we’d never learn anything new.”
How does that answer her question? How is it even true? What does learning new things have to do with the loss endured by those you leave to learn them?
And how does the show established that everyone she loves the most always go away? Are the people she loves the most Sadoc, Nori and Meteor Man? Or does she think that she is unique and special in her losses?

This is all just word salad filling up the screentime.

59:33 Those people have just been standing there waving for the last few minutes. Absolutely none of the work of breaking camp and departing is being done, because the most annoying and least cooperative member of the clan is leaving.

59:58 She’s been leaving for the last five minutes of screentime, absolutely no more than thirty seconds of which were needed.

1:00:47 In the space of one episode, Meteor Man has gone from Dangerous Filthy Amnesiac, a sort of Magic Hobo Jason Bourne, to dispenser of charming wisdom. He says the word “wizard” and instantly he transforms into the archetype from the movies.

1:01:30 Oh, FFS! Hand over the damn knife already! In third grade, I read a short story about a young Walter Reed giving up his prized gun in order to save the life of a stranger, and that story for children did more to establish the worth and value of the gun to its owner than eight episodes of television costing $1,000,000,000 to produce have done to make any sort of emotional understanding of Galadriel’s hesitation to melt down the knife once belonging to a guy with whom she is one boat ride away from a reunion in order to save her people.

1:05:00 So the flowers are blooming now that the Rings are being forged? Awfully optimistic flowers. What if they screw up again?

1:05:12 I guess she was too busy being dramatic, to go and pick up after herself.

1:06:50 Now how does a list of the rightful line of the Southlands tell Elrond more than Halbrand fucking off without explanation in the middle of this huge and important project? Taken together those data suggest at most that he ran off because his lineage was discovered to be fraudulent. There are a lot of intuitive leaps necessary to get from what he has, to “Galadriel is covering up the return of Sauron.”

1:08:15 This sounds like a James Bond opening theme song. With more intelligent lyrics.

Now with the whole season in the can, I feel I can safely say, most of this was crap. The whole side plot with the Harfoots and Meteor Man was completely superfluous, inserted only to get hobbits in there, and possibly fulfil some burning need for female hobbits that has been driving the feminists nuts for sixty or more years. And of course, to bait a possible Sauron. So now that plot will continue, teasing whether or not he is Gandalf. Can’t wait.

Galdriel’s story was an utter butchering of his character, with no evidence of personal growth or lessons learned. At the outset, she was fixed on defeating Sauron, regardless of what anyone else said. Despite multiple setbacks, failures and errors over this season, she remains certain of herself and her judgment, withholding from her friends and allies the first real intelligence she has on Sauron simply to cover her own mistakes. It remains unlikely she will take away any lessons from this, since most of her opportunities to learn came via him.

The Elven kingdom and Numenor were grossly misrepresented, Numenor’s downfall changed into some muddled political disagreements, and no indicator of what they might even do to bring about their fall, aside from the point that they have become estranged from the Elves for no real reason other than the sake of contemporary political allegory. The story ends with Elendil and Miriel committing to the mission of the Faithful at any cost, regardless of what that mission is, and also apparently having learned nothing from their disastrous intervention in Middle Earth.

The Southlands plot was apparently finished last week, no more attention needed for the most recent cross-species romance inserted into the visual adaptations. What did it all accomplish? The creation of Moria, and Mount Doom, because those were two things that needed an origin story? What kind of arc did we have for Arondir, Bronwyn and Theo? What were they except witnesses to the fulfilment of Adar’s attempt to fulfil Sauron’s long-time plan, even though Sauron names him an enemy in this episode?

And then there is Sauron himself. What was his deal? How much was him trying to run from his old crimes and persona and how much was efforts to corrupt Numenor and Eregion? Was he trying to take power in Moria when he rode up with Galdriel and the forces of Numenor, or to put a stop to Adar’s plan. Nothing about the reveal explains anything or answers any questions other than “They aren’t really setting this guy up to be Sauron, are they?

This was a big stupid show, with bad world-building, bad adaptation, and bad dialogue. It had good visual effects, I guess, at least when not related to Durin’s beard. Armenelos was really impressive, but the visuals of the whole Mount Doom thing two weeks ago were a lot of nice images for no sensible purpose. In the greater canon of Lord of the Rings, this is a meandering set up for the origin of Moria and a motivation for the Elves to create the Three Rings. I can’t say the efforts were worth it or that the payoffs could possibly have justified the journey.