When my boys were younger the rule was you get in fight you get punished. If it isn't worth getting punished for it isn't worth hitting someone for. Seemed to work pretty well and got rid of all the BS excuses and arguments about who hit who first. I know that my younger son sometimes started fights with his brother because he knew they would both be punished. It gave him some degree of power to be able to say “even though I can't beat you in a fight I can get both of punished and I would rather be punished by dad than be pushed around by you.” Empowering the little guy stops a lot of bullying.

As for the hang wring of physical violence I know when I thin back to being a teenager I was more hurt by things that were said to me than I was ever hurt by being hit and I got into more than my share of fights. When you listen talk about how miserable other kids have made their life it is rarely because of physical attacks. That being true why do you believe physical attacks are worse?