You know, you always hear the same sex stuff around the water cooler. It's always about how big her boobs were, how incredible she was, etc. And women always talk about...uh, well I don't know what sex stuff women discuss. But sex isn't all roses, is it? Here are some musings from my personal experience about sex, the stuff you don't really talk about (Warning: adult language ahead):

1. Hygiene is pretty important for sex. We always hear how women should keep the temple neatly landscaped but the same goes for guys. Have you heard the term "soup-catcher" for a man with a thick beard? Well, for a man with a thick putting rough, I like to use the term "cum-catcher." If a guy is lucky enough to have sex without a condom, he's going to have some cleaning up to do in his own nest.

2. Same goes for women. Ladies, if a guy gives you oral sex and then pauses for a few seconds, he's probably spitting out some hair. But if you like to be clean-shaven, keep it shaved every day. Women complain about a guy's stubble irritating their skin, but the same goes for oral sex on a woman with pubic stubble.

3. Sex should really take place after a shower. I know it's not always practical to do so. If you can't, avoid oral sex. Ladies don't want to deal with musty balls and guys don't want to hold their breath the whole time they are eating a woman out.

4. Never, ever engage in oral sex if either partner took a crap within the last 3-4 hours. In the classic 69 position, with the woman on top, the guy's nose is literally resting right on that brown bud. Regardless of what you see on porn movies, this is an area you generally want to avoid.

5. Don't be afraid to really talk dirty. Every guy worries about premature ejactulation, but nobody ever talks about the opposite problem. Sometimes I find myself going for 30 minutes with no relief in sight. Sex can be boring and exhausting sometimes. So don't be afraid to add stimulation to it. Ladies, try to use the word "fuck" as often as possible. "Fuck my pussy!" is always a classic. "Fucking give it to me, harder! Harder!" almost always gets the job done. You can be as conservative as you want during the day, but let it all out at night.

6. Laughter is a mood killer during sex. Sometimes things are going great, the woman is very, very wet. And then all of sudden the guy pulls all the way out and goes back in, creating an unintentional farting sound. Sure, both partners try to pretend that they didn't hear it, but it's distracting. Don't let the air in, guys. Keep it nice and tight.

That's about all the uncomfortable facts I've learned about sex. Hopefully somebody reads this and realizes that they are not alone. Sex is great, no doubt. But that doesn't mean every aspect of it is great.