You're welcome.

There are other stories, other things I could tell. I've seen and done some wild things, some good, some cool, some terrible, some horrible.

In that way, despite some tragedy, I'm blessed. My daughter is a blessing too as she is quite awesome and gets more so as time goes on and she grows older.

In some ways, I think that your very problem might well be because of the privledge you describe. Everyone who is not privleged thinks that life would be so much better if they didn't need to worry about money, about stuff etc.

They never understand why people who are wealthy, or successful or privledged become depressed or even kill themselves. They don't realize that they have what some (not all) people who grew up wanting for nothing lack - which is perspective.

My best friend is a great guy but he's always had it easy. He grew up in a high end middle class family. While he wasn't (I think) quite so priviledged as you, he wanted for very little. Right out of University he got a job that he worked at for well over a decade. He never had to look for work until he was in his mid to late 30s. Even then the pressure wasn't high. His parents GAVE him a house. Here, have it. Darned nice house in a gorgeous area too. Not huge, but hey, it's just him.

He sees me, bouncing from job to job, usually very underpaid and often ill treated, money always tight and while he tries to sympathize he really can't. He's just never had to worry where the groceries are coming from. It's not that he doesn't understand intellectually but that's not the same as a deep seated fear of wondering how you're going to find the money to keep the lights on in the dead of winter.

I don't know what it's like to grow up as you did - obviously. However my parents, while not wealthy, did pretty well and we never worried much about things like food in the house or the like and there was usually money for a fair amount of entertainment and extras. There was enough that I didn't really have 'future dreams' of being a doctor or a lawyer or something because that was near unthinkable. At one point I dreamed of running a gaming store. That's about as far as I got.

Some folks who grow up well off know that they'll run the family business and devote themselves to that. Or they have some other dream of public service, travel, adventure, something. But others simply drift along because they want for nothing. I can see how it would be extremely de-motivating because you don't HAVE to strive. So why do it? And that sucks away all the motivation until you just sit staring at the walls.

On occasion I've been out of work with money and time. To many folks this sounds like a dream. I find I go stir crazy after about 2-3 weeks. I wind up looking for a job out of sheer boredom because I feel bereft without a purpose. This despite the fact that I have TONS of hobbies. Literally tons. I have loads to do but without a purpose and role in the real world I just don't do them.

I think - perhaps - what you're going through is sort of that on a larger scale. I might be wrong or entirely misreading it - but based on what you've written above it seems similar. Of course text is terrible, but it feels like it might be close to the mark.

Not sure what all the above means, but I hope perhaps it helps some. Feeling all 'drift' is a terrible thing. At least it is for me.