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Right nossy Send a noteboard - 05/10/2010 05:19:29 PM
To a point, he has to be willing to do whatever she needs to reassure herself (within reason) in the beginning. Resistance from him on that would be telling I think. "You have to give me passwords to all your online accounts" might be reasonable; "you have to quit your job which is currently supporting all of us" might not be. Maybe the dividing line is things that are fully within his control vs. things that aren't, I don't know. But you're absolutely right...deciding to trust has to happen eventually, and that's going to be scary as hell. Maybe for both of them.

Yes. And that "within reason" comment is why I said it can be tricky. If he didn't want her to have his accounts, he could feel it was ok to resist on the basis of just regular old privacy, but he would obviously not be doing much to foster healing. And a good job seems like a different beast to me. It's gonna be tough, but she'll have to decide what is worth forcing and whether that's enough. Or too much.

Ultimately, I think you're right that there are personal reasons for this, and that most of it has nothing to do with "just because I could." If they can find those reasons, it might go well. :)
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