Lets talk about feelings, and lets not talk about Ethos...for in life there is not ultimate authority, or character, or customs, or mores that can explain the infinite that is life. You want an answer for it will make you feel more comfortable with the conflicted feelings you are having right now Mookie, like the answer will provide perspective in a chaos that you are feeling, and also work as some for of band-aid where you will feel stronger after the answer.

But an answer based around ethos that someone else gives will just obscure and not illuminate. What you do not want is an answer Mookie, like a number like 3 days, 42 months, forever, 7 years, etc.

Instead you are looking for a guide. Now I am a shitty guide, and some people just naturally have a talent with being a guide, but with me and me specifically I need to understand and to know more before I can be a guide.

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True teaching is not an accumulation of knowledge; it is an awaking of consciousness which goes through successive stages.

(...there was something else I was trying to say, and I am trying to remember the proverb, and I got it 80 / 90% in my working memory, but laying it out in a step wise pattern is coming hard to me right now.)

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So talk to me about your feelings Mookie and do not just assume I understand what you are feeling. Trust me I probably do understand, but it is good for you to organize your own thoughts and to explain it, for by explaining it to others you are actually bringing light to the chaos of the many feels you are feeling right now. You will see and understand the chaos if you verbalize your feelings, and perhaps in the art of telling a story you may bring structure and order to what you are feeling.