Active Users:611 Time:10/11/2026 07:43:51 AM
Right or wrong, you shouldn't do anything significant for at least a year after something like that Cannoli Send a noteboard - 11/10/2017 05:06:29 AM

View original post
At what point after you lose your soulmate and the love of your life is it okay to feel horny again?

Horny is a thing you can't help. It's always okay. The measure of a human being is what you do about it or don't.
It's been over 7 months since Laurel passed away. Almost a year since I last had sex. Yes I will be 65 on December 3rd. I'm old. I'm not dead.
No, that's her. Which of you has it worse, and how does your problem compare on that scale?
I still feel guilty and disloyal when I think about another woman. How long is appropriate before I can get laid without beating myself up with guilt?

I don't know how you got married, but "death do us part" is the traditional measure. You can't just wallow in grief or stop your life, but you also should make dramatic changes or jump into something until you've had time to adjust and get right.

"Getting laid" is in its own right rather suspect. If you are simply going to find a woman to treat like a piece of meat, how does that reflect on the memory of the person with whom you became one flesh? She was a part of you and your life, and acting disgracefully, especially in reaction to her or her loss reflects on her, if your own conscience or state of being aren't your highest priority at the moment. The other option, of a relationship in which physical intimacy is appropriate and fitting, is one of those things I mentioned that is best left until time has passed. It's not just dating, it's anything important. My grandmother sold her house when her husband died, in her haste to get out of it and move closer to her children, but it was a huge financial mistake and she had a lot of issues with her living situation for a while afterward. It's like that with anything. You make hasty decisions when one major change has happened, especially a loss, and they're not the best thing you could have done. Getting rid of something important or taking on something else, either way, it's your life and you have to live it now, and properly. Give it time, and ease into whatever comes next. What you had with Laurel was built over years and years, and you can't fix its loss quickly nor should you do it badly.

Good luck.

Cannoli
"Sometimes unhinged, sometimes unfair, always entertaining"
- The Crownless

“Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions.” GK Chesteron
Deus Vult!
Reply to message
Question for everyone here. - 10/10/2017 02:05:02 AM 1387 Views
I'd say you've waited quite some time - 10/10/2017 03:57:11 AM 887 Views
LOL - 10/10/2017 04:01:45 AM 894 Views
This is such a difficult question! - 10/10/2017 04:05:31 AM 974 Views
Thanks for your input Tom - 10/10/2017 04:16:13 AM 1038 Views
Truly? - 10/10/2017 12:55:03 PM 1112 Views
No she never said that - 10/10/2017 01:17:11 PM 871 Views
I do understand. - 10/10/2017 01:26:26 PM 983 Views
Thanks Joe - 10/10/2017 01:42:00 PM 974 Views
I agree with everything Joe said. - 10/10/2017 03:10:30 PM 883 Views
I agree. *NM* - 10/10/2017 12:55:19 PM 463 Views
Lets talk about feelings, and lets not talk about Ethos - 10/10/2017 04:24:44 AM 956 Views
Thanks Matt - 10/10/2017 04:28:33 AM 872 Views
I will call my girlfriend , supermodel Barbora Palvin...she says she's waiting to meet you... - 10/10/2017 04:43:00 AM 1201 Views
Does she have sympathy for a lonely old man? - 10/10/2017 04:46:47 AM 891 Views
Well... - 12/10/2017 03:05:24 PM 977 Views
NSSP .bullshit *NM* - 10/10/2017 04:48:39 AM 544 Views
If I actually think and pay attention it makes sense - 10/10/2017 05:03:34 AM 836 Views
che fa? *NM* - 10/10/2017 05:10:32 AM 471 Views
I have a 7 am conference call. That's not good. *NM* - 10/10/2017 05:21:49 AM 458 Views
Listen to one song and then go to bed. - 10/10/2017 05:24:00 AM 1080 Views
This one is better - 10/10/2017 05:34:45 AM 1015 Views
Now I lay me down to sleep forever by your side *NM* - 10/10/2017 05:37:23 AM 473 Views
I might as well stay up until my 7 am call. *NM* - 10/10/2017 07:22:33 AM 479 Views
No matter how drunk I get - 10/10/2017 07:44:05 AM 789 Views
You are hurting yourself - 10/10/2017 02:24:29 PM 923 Views
I don't think we can tell you that. - 10/10/2017 07:47:47 AM 952 Views
that doesn't help - 10/10/2017 07:56:15 AM 972 Views
I know. I'm sorry. - 10/10/2017 08:04:14 AM 886 Views
I really think - 10/10/2017 08:12:12 AM 926 Views
I'm not sure I agree with you. - 10/10/2017 08:52:11 AM 928 Views
What nossy said^^ - 10/10/2017 02:39:17 PM 939 Views
I'm so fucking drunk - 10/10/2017 08:26:27 AM 916 Views
Damn! I wish I'd seen this last night! - 10/10/2017 12:56:00 PM 831 Views
*NM* - 10/10/2017 01:15:02 PM 477 Views
Next time you're drunk - 10/10/2017 03:11:39 PM 910 Views
Just three hours to heaven! *NM* - 10/10/2017 04:54:05 PM 484 Views
Please forgive me for my drunken ramblings - 10/10/2017 01:19:42 PM 877 Views
Nothing to forgive - 10/10/2017 03:12:13 PM 926 Views
You don't have to appologize.... - 10/10/2017 09:22:39 PM 1098 Views
we all have our moments and you have more excuse than most - 11/10/2017 01:58:25 PM 1013 Views
Yes, I agree - 11/10/2017 02:08:45 PM 972 Views
Right or wrong, you shouldn't do anything significant for at least a year after something like that - 11/10/2017 05:06:29 AM 1132 Views
This. - 11/10/2017 01:56:14 PM 1123 Views
It isn't about what your wife would want, it is about how you feel. - 12/10/2017 04:32:43 PM 807 Views

Reply to Message