Sometimes all I want is to be with her. But I have two children and one granddaughter who would be devastated if I killed myself.
I wish marijuana or magic mushrooms were legal in Connecticut. Maybe soon.
Thank you for your compassion.
The one thing that has helped, is picking up a new hobby that requires me to be with other people. It sounded like the worst kind of well-meaning nonsense when someone suggested it, but the more I've read about it, the more sense it has made.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/jan/07/is-everything-you-think-you-know-about-depression-wrong-johann-hari-lost-connections
https://www.vox.com/the-big-idea/2018/2/25/16997572/causes-depression-pills-prozac-social-environmental-connections-hari
I'm not sure if all your doc has ever done is prescribe anti-depressants. But, obviously, they aren't solely the answer, especially not after something like losing your wife.
In the meantime... have you asked if you can get a medical marijuana card?