In the end it is all projection and projective identification. When in a "friend group" and you start telling people that a third to two thirds of the group "they suck."
Even if the person pointing these things out has a real point, it is not going to end well.
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And when such a person is in the friend group and starts pointing the flaws out of an outsider, they are a hero.
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Shame is not going to save us, too direct of an antagonism is so counter-productive. People can be many things at once so trying to fix a person and say "this is the most important" and I demand you be fixated on X, well it is not going to end well. People say Fuck You! in response.