They didn't really have any choices. No one can be everywhere and doing everything, and even if someone asks for your help, you cannot be faulted for refusing when you have things that are more important personally. For example, evading the draft in time of war to take care of your family. Lesser in scale of importance (family vs. country), but still a personal priority that is not superceded by a perceived greater obligation. Now abandoning your family to take charge of an army to save the country...that would fall into the category of actions and choices I was discussing.