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Sentence fragments are unacceptable in technical writing. You need to fix that. Ghavrel Send a noteboard - 14/12/2009 06:51:05 AM
Also, your conception of 1950s marriage is fairly caricatured. Although the topic of your paper suggests you realize that, you should acknowledge it.
"We feel safe when we read what we recognise, what does not challenge our way of thinking.... a steady acceptance of pre-arranged patterns leads to the inability to question what we are told."
~Camilla

Ghavrel is Ghavrel is Ghavrel

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What do you think of this intro? Blaine - 14/12/2009 06:14:51 AM 904 Views
I'm not a fan of the first two sentences. Brian - 14/12/2009 06:42:10 AM 646 Views
Well, i know for a fact that he doesn't opening with questions Blaine - 14/12/2009 07:02:03 AM 798 Views
Ahhh, one of those professors. Brian - 14/12/2009 07:22:46 AM 622 Views
Being sneaky, hmmm. I like this idea. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 07:59:39 AM 323 Views
Sentence fragments are unacceptable in technical writing. You need to fix that. Ghavrel - 14/12/2009 06:51:05 AM 630 Views
I think i see what you are talking about, thanks. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 07:05:04 AM 327 Views
It's like a Pleasentville film review. *NM* AgentOrange - 14/12/2009 09:54:14 AM 261 Views
I actually mention it a few times later. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 08:48:11 PM 336 Views
I want to stick a wikipedia-style "who?" in there. Tim - 14/12/2009 10:53:02 AM 619 Views
That's actually how we're taught to write in American high schools... Lupine - 14/12/2009 02:39:56 PM 621 Views
Part of my problem is that he hasn't told me what level this is for. Tim - 14/12/2009 03:04:40 PM 597 Views
Aye, but it's an intro. Rebekah - 15/12/2009 08:07:38 AM 567 Views
References should come at the first mention of whatever it is. *NM* Tim - 15/12/2009 08:42:27 AM 256 Views
You presume correctly Blaine - 15/12/2009 02:19:07 PM 688 Views
It's simply an introduction, my citations and stuff come in a little later. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 08:49:15 PM 334 Views
I smell a strawman... Tashmere - 15/12/2009 02:25:36 AM 627 Views
well it was in response to a prompt which stated people call it the "Golden Age". My hands were tied *NM* Blaine - 15/12/2009 02:20:54 PM 303 Views
Stylistically it needs a lot of work. Tom - 15/12/2009 03:28:24 AM 695 Views
Hell, with a critique like that I may start putting up my introductory paragraphs. *NM* Ghavrel - 15/12/2009 04:37:53 AM 330 Views
Wow, thanks *NM* Blaine - 15/12/2009 02:22:48 PM 349 Views
That was a good critique. *NM* Tashmere - 16/12/2009 01:21:28 AM 251 Views
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