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Sentence fragments are unacceptable in technical writing. You need to fix that. Ghavrel Send a noteboard - 14/12/2009 06:51:05 AM
Also, your conception of 1950s marriage is fairly caricatured. Although the topic of your paper suggests you realize that, you should acknowledge it.
"We feel safe when we read what we recognise, what does not challenge our way of thinking.... a steady acceptance of pre-arranged patterns leads to the inability to question what we are told."
~Camilla

Ghavrel is Ghavrel is Ghavrel

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What do you think of this intro? Blaine - 14/12/2009 06:14:51 AM 814 Views
I'm not a fan of the first two sentences. Brian - 14/12/2009 06:42:10 AM 566 Views
Well, i know for a fact that he doesn't opening with questions Blaine - 14/12/2009 07:02:03 AM 706 Views
Ahhh, one of those professors. Brian - 14/12/2009 07:22:46 AM 543 Views
Being sneaky, hmmm. I like this idea. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 07:59:39 AM 278 Views
Sentence fragments are unacceptable in technical writing. You need to fix that. Ghavrel - 14/12/2009 06:51:05 AM 559 Views
I think i see what you are talking about, thanks. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 07:05:04 AM 282 Views
It's like a Pleasentville film review. *NM* AgentOrange - 14/12/2009 09:54:14 AM 223 Views
I actually mention it a few times later. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 08:48:11 PM 298 Views
I want to stick a wikipedia-style "who?" in there. Tim - 14/12/2009 10:53:02 AM 543 Views
That's actually how we're taught to write in American high schools... Lupine - 14/12/2009 02:39:56 PM 534 Views
Part of my problem is that he hasn't told me what level this is for. Tim - 14/12/2009 03:04:40 PM 516 Views
Aye, but it's an intro. Rebekah - 15/12/2009 08:07:38 AM 486 Views
References should come at the first mention of whatever it is. *NM* Tim - 15/12/2009 08:42:27 AM 219 Views
You presume correctly Blaine - 15/12/2009 02:19:07 PM 608 Views
It's simply an introduction, my citations and stuff come in a little later. *NM* Blaine - 14/12/2009 08:49:15 PM 288 Views
I smell a strawman... Tashmere - 15/12/2009 02:25:36 AM 550 Views
well it was in response to a prompt which stated people call it the "Golden Age". My hands were tied *NM* Blaine - 15/12/2009 02:20:54 PM 266 Views
Stylistically it needs a lot of work. Tom - 15/12/2009 03:28:24 AM 609 Views
Hell, with a critique like that I may start putting up my introductory paragraphs. *NM* Ghavrel - 15/12/2009 04:37:53 AM 295 Views
Wow, thanks *NM* Blaine - 15/12/2009 02:22:48 PM 300 Views
That was a good critique. *NM* Tashmere - 16/12/2009 01:21:28 AM 209 Views
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