Sentence fragments are unacceptable in technical writing. You need to fix that.
Ghavrel Send a noteboard - 14/12/2009 06:51:05 AM
Also, your conception of 1950s marriage is fairly caricatured. Although the topic of your paper suggests you realize that, you should acknowledge it.
"We feel safe when we read what we recognise, what does not challenge our way of thinking.... a steady acceptance of pre-arranged patterns leads to the inability to question what we are told."
~Camilla
Ghavrel is Ghavrel is Ghavrel
*MySmiley*
~Camilla
Ghavrel is Ghavrel is Ghavrel
*MySmiley*
What do you think of this intro?
- 14/12/2009 06:14:51 AM
746 Views
I'm not a fan of the first two sentences.
- 14/12/2009 06:42:10 AM
497 Views
Well, i know for a fact that he doesn't opening with questions
- 14/12/2009 07:02:03 AM
637 Views
*NM*
Sentence fragments are unacceptable in technical writing. You need to fix that.
- 14/12/2009 06:51:05 AM
508 Views
I want to stick a wikipedia-style "who?" in there.
- 14/12/2009 10:53:02 AM
492 Views
That's actually how we're taught to write in American high schools...
- 14/12/2009 02:39:56 PM
486 Views
Part of my problem is that he hasn't told me what level this is for.
- 14/12/2009 03:04:40 PM
467 Views
Aye, but it's an intro.
- 15/12/2009 08:07:38 AM
437 Views
References should come at the first mention of whatever it is. *NM*
- 15/12/2009 08:42:27 AM
198 Views
It's simply an introduction, my citations and stuff come in a little later. *NM*
- 14/12/2009 08:49:15 PM
263 Views
I smell a strawman...
- 15/12/2009 02:25:36 AM
500 Views
well it was in response to a prompt which stated people call it the "Golden Age". My hands were tied *NM*
- 15/12/2009 02:20:54 PM
243 Views
Stylistically it needs a lot of work.
- 15/12/2009 03:28:24 AM
547 Views
Hell, with a critique like that I may start putting up my introductory paragraphs. 
*NM*
- 15/12/2009 04:37:53 AM
264 Views
*NM*
- 15/12/2009 04:37:53 AM
264 Views