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I am not a black woman and I haven't done it ironclad Send a noteboard - 23/03/2011 11:24:16 AM

Here's my dilemma. I'm white. (It's nice to meet you.) I recently went out with a guy who identifies as black (African American) - a first for me, which is statistically significant. I feel it would be wrong for me to date this guy because of the dearth of eligible black men. There are more black men currently in jail than attending college. Black women who are looking to date within their race (and many prefer to, for several reasons) face a well-documented crisis: intelligent, college-educated, professional black women VASTLY outnumber their male peers. This is a fact.

I feel it would be wrong for me to exacerbate that shortage. I have no ideological or otherwise preferences for dating outside my race. While I have no preference for his demographical type, many other women would. If I were to date this guy, it would simply an inefficient allocation of resources. Not maximizing the common good.


But I don't see how any of that even plays a role when it comes to dating. I can't believe you even think about stuff like that. If it feels right on an emotional level, do it. If it doesn't, don't. This isn't about demography, statistics or resources, for crying out loud.
"All you need is love". John Lennon, smart man, shot in the back, very sad.
*MySmiley*

You mustn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.
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Interracial dating (in the dating dilemma series) Aeryn - 23/03/2011 11:11:14 AM 2371 Views
I am not a black woman and I haven't done it ironclad - 23/03/2011 11:24:16 AM 1359 Views
Re: Aeryn - 23/03/2011 11:38:31 AM 1347 Views
Independence Day reference? Good man. *NM* Ghavrel - 23/03/2011 08:28:35 PM 649 Views
john lennon... MalkierKnight - 24/03/2011 01:08:20 PM 1402 Views
If you limit your dating pool by race you really have no reason to complain Camilla - 23/03/2011 11:57:48 AM 1286 Views
I dated a black girl for nearly 3 years. Dragonsoul - 23/03/2011 12:29:26 PM 1373 Views
ironclad - 23/03/2011 12:57:08 PM 1375 Views
LMAO Jens, you know me too well Aisha - 23/03/2011 11:30:35 PM 1261 Views
And her mother is Muslim. Dragonsoul - 24/03/2011 11:48:24 AM 1294 Views
What's it called? *NM* Legolas - 24/03/2011 10:36:28 PM 659 Views
please give him a moment to google an answer. *NM* Aisha - 25/03/2011 11:04:02 AM 664 Views
She said it's called Abu Haifa (sp?) Dragonsoul - 25/03/2011 10:38:13 PM 1258 Views
Hm, okay. Legolas - 26/03/2011 12:16:02 AM 1413 Views
That was it, Abu Hanifa. I'm poor with Arabic. Dragonsoul - 26/03/2011 01:08:12 AM 1344 Views
amazingly enough, I dont believe you. Aisha - 23/03/2011 11:32:26 PM 1391 Views
I'd prove it to you. Dragonsoul - 24/03/2011 11:47:33 AM 1279 Views
God help me, I'm agreeing with Dragonsoul. Ghavrel - 24/03/2011 09:29:56 PM 1240 Views
I think he is making it up for the benefit of this comunity Aisha - 24/03/2011 10:03:21 PM 1368 Views
Sometimes I worry about "this community"... Joel - 25/03/2011 11:33:17 PM 1482 Views
I think that would be a poor reason to not date someone random thoughts - 23/03/2011 01:07:31 PM 1375 Views
Can you edit your post and take out the cow analogies? Thanks. *NM* Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:31:51 PM 664 Views
I didn't even see the "cow & milk" analogy. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:03:02 AM 1246 Views
being offensive makes it no less true random thoughts - 24/03/2011 01:25:34 PM 1258 Views
It's true that after a certain age, average men have an easier time finding dates Helene - 24/03/2011 01:31:35 PM 1249 Views
I don't date so I don't have personal experience random thoughts - 24/03/2011 03:29:50 PM 1240 Views
I don't date either... :-) Helene - 24/03/2011 03:42:33 PM 1456 Views
I think you're doing him a disservice. nossy - 23/03/2011 02:16:59 PM 1341 Views
This. Plus, to try to frame it more in A's terms... Sareitha Sedai - 23/03/2011 03:05:55 PM 1283 Views
It can add extra complications that negatively impact the likelihood of a successful relationship Helene - 23/03/2011 02:50:39 PM 1271 Views
What I forgot to mention in the post Helene - 23/03/2011 03:01:04 PM 1242 Views
Re: What I forgot to mention in the post Aeryn - 24/03/2011 05:11:11 AM 1293 Views
If you have a lot in common with him and like him and are attracted to him Helene - 24/03/2011 09:41:01 AM 1179 Views
I think you should date him. Palatine - 23/03/2011 03:02:56 PM 1186 Views
I think you should date this guy if you like him. Morgawse - 23/03/2011 03:07:30 PM 1230 Views
I think that you're doing both of you a disservice. Jeordam - 23/03/2011 03:09:29 PM 1279 Views
I agree with you. Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:26:02 PM 1273 Views
And my opinion matters more than everyone else here combined! MWAHAHAHAHAHA Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:28:06 PM 1233 Views
Well, you know your sis better than we do... ironclad - 23/03/2011 03:48:12 PM 1240 Views
Because you never know. Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:00:44 PM 1420 Views
Geez you know just the right things to say. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:38:34 AM 1264 Views
LOL. ( Yes I really did laugh out loud) *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:55:22 AM 637 Views
Most of the other responses are ignoring your reasons. Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:34:56 PM 1207 Views
No one should try to think from "the perspective of black women", not even 1 black woman can do that Helene - 23/03/2011 03:47:34 PM 1272 Views
Re Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:05:20 PM 1394 Views
I'm sure that Aeryn is lovely, but she's not the only lovely white woman in the world Helene - 24/03/2011 09:43:32 AM 1244 Views
Or nossy - 23/03/2011 03:47:56 PM 1248 Views
We have no control over how other people act. Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:07:11 PM 1379 Views
I agree completely. nossy - 23/03/2011 04:17:59 PM 1343 Views
And it's a bit silly to determine for someone else who he should be dating *NM* Helene - 24/03/2011 09:33:09 AM 606 Views
This has to be one of the stupidest reasons for not dating someone I've ever heard. Tom - 23/03/2011 03:54:15 PM 1278 Views
Your opinion: less than nothing. Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:10:24 PM 1346 Views
Who are you? Dark Knight - 23/03/2011 08:37:43 PM 1396 Views
It's extremely unlikely that Tom was offended. Vivien - 23/03/2011 09:04:42 PM 1288 Views
I'm glad you're back, by the way. These threads are great. *NM* Ghavrel - 23/03/2011 09:15:41 PM 677 Views
Thank you. *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 04:01:08 AM 664 Views
I'm not offended, only amused at your poor logic. Tom - 23/03/2011 09:24:05 PM 1315 Views
That's lawyer logic! Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:50:37 AM 1239 Views
Is there any other kind? *NM* Tom - 24/03/2011 02:05:27 PM 647 Views
Ooh that's harsh. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:48:50 AM 1242 Views
This is all I get???? Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:54:22 AM 1297 Views
Oh, I appreciate. There's cake in the fridge *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:27:20 AM 621 Views
You two are sooo cute! *NM* ironclad - 24/03/2011 07:29:12 PM 533 Views
+1, though I probably wouldn't have said it in quite the same way. Joel - 23/03/2011 11:03:07 PM 1257 Views
Yup. beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 01:42:16 AM 1340 Views
That's a good analogy. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:50:17 AM 1369 Views
Shrug. She likes *me*. Plus, Jewish guys love Asian girls, well-known fact. beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 04:46:56 AM 1255 Views
So it's not her choice who she wants to date, but everyone around her?? Helene - 24/03/2011 09:39:58 AM 1224 Views
What's wrong with wanting to preserve races or ethnic groups? ßelals Girl - 24/03/2011 02:09:02 AM 1303 Views
When its the black race? *NM* Urza - 24/03/2011 02:21:13 AM 652 Views
You're such an ass *NM* ßelals Girl - 24/03/2011 02:52:12 AM 632 Views
*butts in* nossy - 24/03/2011 02:45:26 AM 1321 Views
"It would be wrong, immortal [sic] even". Tom - 24/03/2011 02:52:21 AM 1350 Views
Or potentially not (directly) from Africa nossy - 24/03/2011 03:06:36 AM 1177 Views
I've only seen "identifies as" when someone is of mixed race. *NM* Tom - 24/03/2011 03:09:51 AM 610 Views
You're absolutely right. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:14:49 AM 1290 Views
Then your argument is even sillier, as mixed race is too white Helene - 24/03/2011 09:50:15 AM 1153 Views
Is he "identifying as" black in a cultural context as well? Tom - 24/03/2011 02:04:43 PM 1138 Views
Re: *butts in* ßelals Girl - 24/03/2011 03:03:14 AM 1172 Views
You're a damn genius! nossy - 24/03/2011 03:09:26 AM 1275 Views
I don't feel like one ßelals Girl - 25/03/2011 01:17:07 AM 1234 Views
Re: This has to be one of the stupidest reasons for not dating someone I've ever heard. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:07:36 AM 1303 Views
That could be argued in the opposite way just as easily. Helene - 24/03/2011 09:48:16 AM 1217 Views
Huh Aeryn - 25/03/2011 11:15:58 AM 1242 Views
Are you looking for reasons not to date him, or are you just being overly socially conscience? Beqi - 23/03/2011 08:12:48 PM 1246 Views
Ha. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:17:26 AM 1258 Views
Heh, that really is the best thing *NM* beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 04:48:07 AM 655 Views
...wat. Is this a serious post? Ghavrel - 23/03/2011 08:23:04 PM 1261 Views
Kinda? Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:23:12 AM 1312 Views
I just broke up with my Pakistani girlfriend Dark Knight - 23/03/2011 08:24:52 PM 1231 Views
Heh heh heh heh snoopcester - 23/03/2011 08:25:06 PM 1095 Views
Ha, I didn't even see that typo. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 05:14:40 AM 1150 Views
<3 You Ana, BUT Urza - 23/03/2011 08:44:11 PM 1243 Views
wait. did you..? Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:37:23 AM 1250 Views
Your taken aback by this why? Urza - 24/03/2011 06:30:46 AM 1304 Views
I thought this was a great post. Legolas - 23/03/2011 10:26:08 PM 1311 Views
Glad I could entertain. *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:47:48 AM 588 Views
I understand what you are saying. Tashmere - 23/03/2011 11:04:44 PM 1248 Views
An ally! Score! Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:56:53 AM 1207 Views
Aw, you're a darling. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:26:39 AM 1250 Views
Also somebody brought up the valid point of his rights. Tashmere - 26/03/2011 11:55:49 PM 1255 Views
There's not a wealth of eligible men from any race; maybe you should just stop dating entirely. Joel - 23/03/2011 11:27:40 PM 1185 Views
Well, yeah. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:49:47 AM 1110 Views
The critically large word is "if"; your reasoning is setting off massive circular claxons for me. Joel - 25/03/2011 11:30:15 PM 1054 Views
he is not a resource, he is a man. *NM* Aisha - 23/03/2011 11:29:37 PM 709 Views
Cock is a resource. *NM* Urza - 23/03/2011 11:43:39 PM 622 Views
"Efficient allocation of cock?" Oh my, that sounds really wrong. *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:32:23 AM 626 Views
seriously? that is dumb. date the man. also, it is dehumanising to refer to him as a resource. temeraire - 24/03/2011 12:52:38 AM 1302 Views
This is exactly it. Dan - 24/03/2011 04:02:10 AM 1300 Views
I didn't quite. I was talking about the economic principle. *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:42:57 AM 611 Views
<--Black Guy Post Daiyon - 24/03/2011 12:57:13 AM 1394 Views
Re: Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:53:07 AM 1293 Views
Um. rebelaessedai - 24/03/2011 01:00:47 AM 1414 Views
Well, according to stand-up comics who specialize in racially based humor... TaskmasterJack - 24/03/2011 01:29:35 AM 1304 Views
Practical advice. I like it. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:58:24 AM 1313 Views
Practical advice! *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:58:34 AM 611 Views
... how did you? *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:31:14 AM 684 Views
I don't know! Our posts are about 1/10 of a second apart, freaky. *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 04:35:23 AM 617 Views
1/6 of a minute. But it's still a comical coincidence. *NM* TaskmasterJack - 24/03/2011 09:52:19 PM 644 Views
But that means if he's OK with it he's a commodity more rare and valuable than gold. Joel - 25/03/2011 11:37:48 PM 1163 Views
I present to you: A VISION OF THE FUTURE-UTRE-UTRE-UTRE beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 02:19:19 AM 1368 Views
Oh, that was awesome *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:37:01 AM 655 Views
+ 10 best post ever. I can't believe how funny that was. *NM* Timthetrolloc - 24/03/2011 03:54:39 AM 662 Views
What just happened? *NM* Ghavrel - 24/03/2011 04:04:45 AM 614 Views
*NM* ironclad - 24/03/2011 08:32:36 AM 545 Views
Awesome *NM* Stephen - 24/03/2011 09:03:13 AM 721 Views
I am currently dating a black woman... MightyYT - 24/03/2011 06:29:03 AM 1249 Views
...I always figured your name was a Snow Crash reference *NM* beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 03:48:53 PM 642 Views
I have had the nickname longer than that has been out. *NM* MightyYT - 24/03/2011 07:08:02 PM 664 Views
Don't date him. Stephen - 24/03/2011 09:44:30 AM 1246 Views
Its not likely anyone will read this comment since there are so many already MalkierKnight - 24/03/2011 01:12:19 PM 1454 Views
She's not talking about welfare queens, she's talking about well educated black women Helene - 24/03/2011 01:33:48 PM 1315 Views
It is. *NM* Ghavrel - 24/03/2011 09:33:01 PM 597 Views
this might help you understand what she is talking about random thoughts - 25/03/2011 02:24:35 PM 1313 Views
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