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john lennon... MalkierKnight Send a noteboard - 24/03/2011 01:08:20 PM

Here's my dilemma. I'm white. (It's nice to meet you.) I recently went out with a guy who identifies as black (African American) - a first for me, which is statistically significant. I feel it would be wrong for me to date this guy because of the dearth of eligible black men. There are more black men currently in jail than attending college. Black women who are looking to date within their race (and many prefer to, for several reasons) face a well-documented crisis: intelligent, college-educated, professional black women VASTLY outnumber their male peers. This is a fact.

I feel it would be wrong for me to exacerbate that shortage. I have no ideological or otherwise preferences for dating outside my race. While I have no preference for his demographical type, many other women would. If I were to date this guy, it would simply an inefficient allocation of resources. Not maximizing the common good.


But I don't see how any of that even plays a role when it comes to dating. I can't believe you even think about stuff like that. If it feels right on an emotional level, do it. If it doesn't, don't. This isn't about demography, statistics or resources, for crying out loud.
"All you need is love". John Lennon, smart man, shot in the back, very sad.


stupid drugged up hippie, shot in the back, still very sad.
You must unlearn what you have learned.
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Interracial dating (in the dating dilemma series) Aeryn - 23/03/2011 11:11:14 AM 2519 Views
I am not a black woman and I haven't done it ironclad - 23/03/2011 11:24:16 AM 1447 Views
Re: Aeryn - 23/03/2011 11:38:31 AM 1447 Views
Independence Day reference? Good man. *NM* Ghavrel - 23/03/2011 08:28:35 PM 700 Views
john lennon... MalkierKnight - 24/03/2011 01:08:20 PM 1509 Views
If you limit your dating pool by race you really have no reason to complain Camilla - 23/03/2011 11:57:48 AM 1388 Views
I dated a black girl for nearly 3 years. Dragonsoul - 23/03/2011 12:29:26 PM 1489 Views
ironclad - 23/03/2011 12:57:08 PM 1503 Views
LMAO Jens, you know me too well Aisha - 23/03/2011 11:30:35 PM 1353 Views
And her mother is Muslim. Dragonsoul - 24/03/2011 11:48:24 AM 1392 Views
What's it called? *NM* Legolas - 24/03/2011 10:36:28 PM 716 Views
please give him a moment to google an answer. *NM* Aisha - 25/03/2011 11:04:02 AM 721 Views
She said it's called Abu Haifa (sp?) Dragonsoul - 25/03/2011 10:38:13 PM 1349 Views
Hm, okay. Legolas - 26/03/2011 12:16:02 AM 1504 Views
That was it, Abu Hanifa. I'm poor with Arabic. Dragonsoul - 26/03/2011 01:08:12 AM 1460 Views
amazingly enough, I dont believe you. Aisha - 23/03/2011 11:32:26 PM 1490 Views
I'd prove it to you. Dragonsoul - 24/03/2011 11:47:33 AM 1383 Views
God help me, I'm agreeing with Dragonsoul. Ghavrel - 24/03/2011 09:29:56 PM 1336 Views
I think he is making it up for the benefit of this comunity Aisha - 24/03/2011 10:03:21 PM 1465 Views
Sometimes I worry about "this community"... Joel - 25/03/2011 11:33:17 PM 1576 Views
I think that would be a poor reason to not date someone random thoughts - 23/03/2011 01:07:31 PM 1475 Views
Can you edit your post and take out the cow analogies? Thanks. *NM* Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:31:51 PM 714 Views
I didn't even see the "cow & milk" analogy. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:03:02 AM 1340 Views
being offensive makes it no less true random thoughts - 24/03/2011 01:25:34 PM 1360 Views
It's true that after a certain age, average men have an easier time finding dates Helene - 24/03/2011 01:31:35 PM 1337 Views
I don't date so I don't have personal experience random thoughts - 24/03/2011 03:29:50 PM 1345 Views
I don't date either... :-) Helene - 24/03/2011 03:42:33 PM 1549 Views
I think you're doing him a disservice. nossy - 23/03/2011 02:16:59 PM 1441 Views
This. Plus, to try to frame it more in A's terms... Sareitha Sedai - 23/03/2011 03:05:55 PM 1382 Views
It can add extra complications that negatively impact the likelihood of a successful relationship Helene - 23/03/2011 02:50:39 PM 1369 Views
What I forgot to mention in the post Helene - 23/03/2011 03:01:04 PM 1340 Views
Re: What I forgot to mention in the post Aeryn - 24/03/2011 05:11:11 AM 1389 Views
If you have a lot in common with him and like him and are attracted to him Helene - 24/03/2011 09:41:01 AM 1295 Views
I think you should date him. Palatine - 23/03/2011 03:02:56 PM 1302 Views
I think you should date this guy if you like him. Morgawse - 23/03/2011 03:07:30 PM 1338 Views
I think that you're doing both of you a disservice. Jeordam - 23/03/2011 03:09:29 PM 1377 Views
I agree with you. Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:26:02 PM 1367 Views
And my opinion matters more than everyone else here combined! MWAHAHAHAHAHA Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:28:06 PM 1334 Views
Well, you know your sis better than we do... ironclad - 23/03/2011 03:48:12 PM 1342 Views
Because you never know. Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:00:44 PM 1547 Views
Geez you know just the right things to say. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:38:34 AM 1362 Views
LOL. ( Yes I really did laugh out loud) *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:55:22 AM 692 Views
Most of the other responses are ignoring your reasons. Vivien - 23/03/2011 03:34:56 PM 1317 Views
No one should try to think from "the perspective of black women", not even 1 black woman can do that Helene - 23/03/2011 03:47:34 PM 1359 Views
Re Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:05:20 PM 1509 Views
I'm sure that Aeryn is lovely, but she's not the only lovely white woman in the world Helene - 24/03/2011 09:43:32 AM 1346 Views
Or nossy - 23/03/2011 03:47:56 PM 1332 Views
We have no control over how other people act. Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:07:11 PM 1502 Views
I agree completely. nossy - 23/03/2011 04:17:59 PM 1438 Views
And it's a bit silly to determine for someone else who he should be dating *NM* Helene - 24/03/2011 09:33:09 AM 659 Views
This has to be one of the stupidest reasons for not dating someone I've ever heard. Tom - 23/03/2011 03:54:15 PM 1385 Views
Your opinion: less than nothing. Vivien - 23/03/2011 04:10:24 PM 1452 Views
Who are you? Dark Knight - 23/03/2011 08:37:43 PM 1504 Views
It's extremely unlikely that Tom was offended. Vivien - 23/03/2011 09:04:42 PM 1413 Views
I'm glad you're back, by the way. These threads are great. *NM* Ghavrel - 23/03/2011 09:15:41 PM 727 Views
Thank you. *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 04:01:08 AM 717 Views
I'm not offended, only amused at your poor logic. Tom - 23/03/2011 09:24:05 PM 1427 Views
That's lawyer logic! Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:50:37 AM 1336 Views
Is there any other kind? *NM* Tom - 24/03/2011 02:05:27 PM 696 Views
Ooh that's harsh. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:48:50 AM 1341 Views
This is all I get???? Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:54:22 AM 1411 Views
Oh, I appreciate. There's cake in the fridge *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:27:20 AM 675 Views
You two are sooo cute! *NM* ironclad - 24/03/2011 07:29:12 PM 582 Views
+1, though I probably wouldn't have said it in quite the same way. Joel - 23/03/2011 11:03:07 PM 1369 Views
Yup. beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 01:42:16 AM 1437 Views
That's a good analogy. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:50:17 AM 1492 Views
Shrug. She likes *me*. Plus, Jewish guys love Asian girls, well-known fact. beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 04:46:56 AM 1370 Views
So it's not her choice who she wants to date, but everyone around her?? Helene - 24/03/2011 09:39:58 AM 1325 Views
What's wrong with wanting to preserve races or ethnic groups? ßelals Girl - 24/03/2011 02:09:02 AM 1397 Views
When its the black race? *NM* Urza - 24/03/2011 02:21:13 AM 705 Views
You're such an ass *NM* ßelals Girl - 24/03/2011 02:52:12 AM 687 Views
*butts in* nossy - 24/03/2011 02:45:26 AM 1430 Views
"It would be wrong, immortal [sic] even". Tom - 24/03/2011 02:52:21 AM 1463 Views
Or potentially not (directly) from Africa nossy - 24/03/2011 03:06:36 AM 1280 Views
I've only seen "identifies as" when someone is of mixed race. *NM* Tom - 24/03/2011 03:09:51 AM 678 Views
You're absolutely right. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:14:49 AM 1386 Views
Then your argument is even sillier, as mixed race is too white Helene - 24/03/2011 09:50:15 AM 1250 Views
Is he "identifying as" black in a cultural context as well? Tom - 24/03/2011 02:04:43 PM 1247 Views
Re: *butts in* ßelals Girl - 24/03/2011 03:03:14 AM 1290 Views
You're a damn genius! nossy - 24/03/2011 03:09:26 AM 1378 Views
I don't feel like one ßelals Girl - 25/03/2011 01:17:07 AM 1353 Views
Re: This has to be one of the stupidest reasons for not dating someone I've ever heard. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:07:36 AM 1400 Views
That could be argued in the opposite way just as easily. Helene - 24/03/2011 09:48:16 AM 1340 Views
Huh Aeryn - 25/03/2011 11:15:58 AM 1351 Views
Are you looking for reasons not to date him, or are you just being overly socially conscience? Beqi - 23/03/2011 08:12:48 PM 1350 Views
Ha. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:17:26 AM 1360 Views
Heh, that really is the best thing *NM* beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 04:48:07 AM 719 Views
...wat. Is this a serious post? Ghavrel - 23/03/2011 08:23:04 PM 1356 Views
Kinda? Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:23:12 AM 1402 Views
I just broke up with my Pakistani girlfriend Dark Knight - 23/03/2011 08:24:52 PM 1364 Views
Heh heh heh heh snoopcester - 23/03/2011 08:25:06 PM 1201 Views
Ha, I didn't even see that typo. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 05:14:40 AM 1242 Views
<3 You Ana, BUT Urza - 23/03/2011 08:44:11 PM 1344 Views
wait. did you..? Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:37:23 AM 1343 Views
Your taken aback by this why? Urza - 24/03/2011 06:30:46 AM 1403 Views
I thought this was a great post. Legolas - 23/03/2011 10:26:08 PM 1417 Views
Glad I could entertain. *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:47:48 AM 643 Views
I understand what you are saying. Tashmere - 23/03/2011 11:04:44 PM 1341 Views
An ally! Score! Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:56:53 AM 1300 Views
Aw, you're a darling. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:26:39 AM 1352 Views
Also somebody brought up the valid point of his rights. Tashmere - 26/03/2011 11:55:49 PM 1346 Views
There's not a wealth of eligible men from any race; maybe you should just stop dating entirely. Joel - 23/03/2011 11:27:40 PM 1288 Views
Well, yeah. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:49:47 AM 1201 Views
The critically large word is "if"; your reasoning is setting off massive circular claxons for me. Joel - 25/03/2011 11:30:15 PM 1152 Views
he is not a resource, he is a man. *NM* Aisha - 23/03/2011 11:29:37 PM 766 Views
Cock is a resource. *NM* Urza - 23/03/2011 11:43:39 PM 674 Views
"Efficient allocation of cock?" Oh my, that sounds really wrong. *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:32:23 AM 680 Views
seriously? that is dumb. date the man. also, it is dehumanising to refer to him as a resource. temeraire - 24/03/2011 12:52:38 AM 1407 Views
This is exactly it. Dan - 24/03/2011 04:02:10 AM 1425 Views
I didn't quite. I was talking about the economic principle. *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:42:57 AM 660 Views
<--Black Guy Post Daiyon - 24/03/2011 12:57:13 AM 1515 Views
Re: Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:53:07 AM 1396 Views
Um. rebelaessedai - 24/03/2011 01:00:47 AM 1519 Views
Well, according to stand-up comics who specialize in racially based humor... TaskmasterJack - 24/03/2011 01:29:35 AM 1406 Views
Practical advice. I like it. Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:58:24 AM 1417 Views
Practical advice! *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 03:58:34 AM 666 Views
... how did you? *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 04:31:14 AM 737 Views
I don't know! Our posts are about 1/10 of a second apart, freaky. *NM* Vivien - 24/03/2011 04:35:23 AM 667 Views
1/6 of a minute. But it's still a comical coincidence. *NM* TaskmasterJack - 24/03/2011 09:52:19 PM 698 Views
But that means if he's OK with it he's a commodity more rare and valuable than gold. Joel - 25/03/2011 11:37:48 PM 1264 Views
I present to you: A VISION OF THE FUTURE-UTRE-UTRE-UTRE beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 02:19:19 AM 1473 Views
Oh, that was awesome *NM* Aeryn - 24/03/2011 03:37:01 AM 704 Views
+ 10 best post ever. I can't believe how funny that was. *NM* Timthetrolloc - 24/03/2011 03:54:39 AM 730 Views
What just happened? *NM* Ghavrel - 24/03/2011 04:04:45 AM 671 Views
*NM* ironclad - 24/03/2011 08:32:36 AM 593 Views
Awesome *NM* Stephen - 24/03/2011 09:03:13 AM 771 Views
I am currently dating a black woman... MightyYT - 24/03/2011 06:29:03 AM 1351 Views
...I always figured your name was a Snow Crash reference *NM* beetnemesis - 24/03/2011 03:48:53 PM 690 Views
I have had the nickname longer than that has been out. *NM* MightyYT - 24/03/2011 07:08:02 PM 724 Views
Don't date him. Stephen - 24/03/2011 09:44:30 AM 1354 Views
Its not likely anyone will read this comment since there are so many already MalkierKnight - 24/03/2011 01:12:19 PM 1567 Views
She's not talking about welfare queens, she's talking about well educated black women Helene - 24/03/2011 01:33:48 PM 1406 Views
It is. *NM* Ghavrel - 24/03/2011 09:33:01 PM 648 Views
this might help you understand what she is talking about random thoughts - 25/03/2011 02:24:35 PM 1444 Views
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