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I don't know if that's realistic. Nate Send a noteboard - 12/02/2013 05:46:48 AM
I don't think harmless flirting is wrong. But what I'm doing is not harmless. I take it too far. I want to get to the point where I feel no inclination, or at least able to stop the flirting when it goes too far. It's my personality. I love to flirt. But I need to keep it under control, to where the woman is completely aware that I'm not serious in my flirting.


Well, cutting out the parts of your earlier description where you're making calculated touches to the hand would be a start. You also talk about constantly thinking of ways to integrate yourself into a woman's life. This is a crazy idea, but maybe just don't act on them? You're a rational human being with control over his own actions. You have choices. Start making them, and turn them into better habits.

If you take it too far, if you can't help but take it too far, then maybe you really do need to consider flat out stopping, for the sake of your marriage. I personally feel that wanting to have your cake and eat it too will lead to nothing but trouble. It's like being an alcoholic who says he wants to stop drinking, but also wants to keep buying alcohol and holding the bottles. I'm not saying it's impossible ... but seriously. You married her. This is not an area for half-measures and risks.

If you had to choose flat out between giving up flirting and giving up your marriage, which would you choose? And would you be able to follow through with that choice?
Warder to starry_nite

Chapterfish — Nate's Writing Blog
http://chapterfish.wordpress.com
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I am on the verge of having an affair Dark Knight - 11/02/2013 11:41:57 PM 1925 Views
Ditch the wife or stop being a prat. TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 12:30:30 AM 1183 Views
Great. Helpful advice Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 12:33:36 AM 1067 Views
What exactly do you want to hear? TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 12:47:06 AM 1048 Views
I don't know, something helpful Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 12:59:23 AM 1117 Views
The telling you to grow up bit wasn't the advice TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 01:09:54 AM 1070 Views
So there is no situation in which advice helps? Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 01:23:21 AM 1117 Views
I didn't say nobody could help you at all TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 01:41:19 AM 1100 Views
You're assuming a moral absolute Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 02:06:13 AM 1284 Views
It is called forsaking all others, and yes there are absolutes. HyogaRott - 13/02/2013 05:58:20 PM 1173 Views
My opinion ... Nate - 12/02/2013 01:21:38 AM 1105 Views
That's not really advice Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 01:28:42 AM 1114 Views
Why is it obvious? Nate - 12/02/2013 01:42:26 AM 1137 Views
That's exactly what I'm looking for Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 02:11:51 AM 1302 Views
I don't know if that's realistic. Nate - 12/02/2013 05:46:48 AM 1054 Views
Get therapy or get a divorce. Your wife deserves better than the person you're being now. *NM* Ghavrel - 12/02/2013 04:00:38 AM 613 Views
Careful you don't fall off that high horse Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 04:53:11 AM 1157 Views
You might try 4chan. Their morals seem more in line with the ones you're currently espousing. *NM* Ghavrel - 13/02/2013 09:29:04 AM 572 Views
What exactly did you want to hear? Dannymac - 12/02/2013 04:31:56 AM 1013 Views
More holier-than-thou judgment. Great thanks. *NM* Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 04:50:36 AM 718 Views
Well, he's a pastor, so he probably is holier-than-thou. *NM* Aeryn - 12/02/2013 07:48:55 PM 587 Views
So what you wanted was a high five? Dannymac - 13/02/2013 04:21:57 PM 1033 Views
role play. *NM* temeraire - 12/02/2013 04:41:07 AM 598 Views
I appreciate something other than judgment. Thank you! Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 04:51:56 AM 1141 Views
i was poly for a decade. maybe that's a thing to consider? opening your marriage for both of you? temeraire - 13/02/2013 05:12:06 AM 1005 Views
If you don't have kids, then just leave the marriage or have an open relationship. *NM* Tom - 12/02/2013 05:19:27 AM 555 Views
You have 4 options A Deathwatch Guard - 12/02/2013 06:03:43 AM 1036 Views
If it isn't about the sex then swinging really won't help *NM* random thoughts - 12/02/2013 12:55:27 PM 570 Views
Number one is not an option, it is a looming and growing disaster. Joel - 13/02/2013 02:57:19 PM 1053 Views
So, you ask for advice, then get upset when you don't like it? MightyYT - 12/02/2013 06:04:07 AM 1051 Views
I'm not sure there's enough context to offer much useful advice, but I'd line up incentives Isaac - 12/02/2013 08:29:41 AM 1132 Views
It's probably the way you phrased it. Rebekah - 12/02/2013 08:41:06 AM 1254 Views
find another passion random thoughts - 12/02/2013 01:01:10 PM 1015 Views
I don't judge you. I am exactly the same way. ironclad - 12/02/2013 01:56:58 PM 1199 Views
I don't give a shit about polyamory. I give a shit about honesty. Ghavrel - 13/02/2013 09:26:56 AM 1048 Views
That's why I told him it's not okay, if he is lying to her. *NM* ironclad - 13/02/2013 10:00:04 AM 576 Views
That was kind of my take. Joel - 13/02/2013 02:53:05 PM 1268 Views
I get where you're coming from Orange - 12/02/2013 01:57:48 PM 1137 Views
Here is my advice. callandor1000 - 12/02/2013 03:49:55 PM 1315 Views
Well said. Joel - 13/02/2013 03:16:13 PM 1033 Views
LOL Dragonsoul - 12/02/2013 03:54:46 PM 1065 Views
Nice choice of words, there ironclad - 12/02/2013 04:04:15 PM 1105 Views
I don't know if I agree that you should talk to her about this. Sareitha Sedai - 12/02/2013 04:30:14 PM 1194 Views
If walking the line is the thrill, then keep walking the line. Aeryn - 12/02/2013 07:44:59 PM 1204 Views
Seeing your edit, I'm not sure you'll read this.... Jeordam - 12/02/2013 11:20:46 PM 1106 Views
The thrill of the chase ßelals Girl - 13/02/2013 02:38:59 PM 1071 Views
Do you want help making a decision, or validation of one already made? Joel - 13/02/2013 02:47:59 PM 1101 Views
Hehe, love that things are pretty much the same around here. *NM* Nefarious - 14/02/2013 12:29:56 AM 584 Views
I feel sorry for you *NM* Yunalesca - 14/02/2013 01:10:10 AM 652 Views
Best thing you can do is travel around and stay in hostels Sports_Gambler - 14/02/2013 02:24:50 AM 1080 Views
Be open to your wife about how you feel. Timthetrolloc - 14/02/2013 10:24:13 PM 960 Views
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