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I see your point Helene Send a noteboard - 19/04/2011 10:42:51 AM
They've given up on the little, pointless arguments about making the other one do something they have no interest in doing.


I don't think there's any sense in having pointless arguments. However, I think that spending a holiday with a relative doesn't necessarily fall into a category of complete meaninglessness. That's more like arguing over not putting on the toothpaste cap, or who should take out the trash. Of course, we'd probably have to know how the question was asked. E.g. she could have said: "I'm going to my mum's for Easter, want to come along?" Which is very different from the scenario I'm envisioning. And of course, we're not even thinking about the mum herself. She might be a right horror.

Of course a relationship also consist of compromises and doing things for each other, as you say. Maybe this just isn't the best example. I am sure he does plenty of things for her he doesn't feel like doing.


Admittedly, I get the impression that he doesn't go out of his way to do nice things for her, that would make her feel appreciated and special. He generally speaks of her in a slightly condescending way.

To stick to this example, why would couples have to do everything together anyway?


I don't recall saying that couples need to do everything together? I think that's unhealthy. But there's a difference between doing things separately, and not doing something together your partner has asked you to do together.
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Relationship - positive development or signs of eventual break down? - 19/04/2011 08:48:26 AM 2302 Views
Helene, I want to give you an answer but... - 19/04/2011 08:58:45 AM 1414 Views
Fair enough - 19/04/2011 10:01:51 AM 1370 Views
inlaws are not always bad - 19/04/2011 02:10:18 PM 1347 Views
I spend way more time with my in-laws than with my own family. - 19/04/2011 02:17:41 PM 1318 Views
I'm like this with my future in-laws too. *NM* - 19/04/2011 04:47:05 PM 681 Views
I think they are right - 19/04/2011 10:20:39 AM 1539 Views
I see your point - 19/04/2011 10:42:51 AM 1518 Views
Re: I think they are right - 19/04/2011 01:59:57 PM 1432 Views
I think that's an unfair assumption. - 19/04/2011 02:16:54 PM 1308 Views
What he said about his wife's mother - 19/04/2011 02:59:32 PM 1458 Views
No offense... - 19/04/2011 02:35:53 PM 1450 Views
yes but have you found such a thing? - 19/04/2011 03:05:35 PM 1384 Views
For now I have *NM* - 19/04/2011 03:08:17 PM 707 Views
how long has it been? *NM* - 19/04/2011 03:16:32 PM 704 Views
Don't try to corrupt me with your long term pessimism - 19/04/2011 03:34:39 PM 1306 Views
sadly I seem attracted to the crazies *NM* - 19/04/2011 04:08:14 PM 667 Views
Could be either - 19/04/2011 10:30:50 AM 1442 Views
True enough... - 19/04/2011 10:44:28 AM 1399 Views
My opinion is the latter. - 19/04/2011 01:55:00 PM 1419 Views
He definitely has a point about realistic expectations - 19/04/2011 01:56:49 PM 1416 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations - 19/04/2011 02:07:34 PM 1359 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations - 19/04/2011 02:13:25 PM 1490 Views
I should have read this first. - 19/04/2011 02:25:16 PM 1414 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations - 19/04/2011 02:23:14 PM 1418 Views
The fact that you are referring to a fiancé and comparing it to wife says a lot - 19/04/2011 02:09:27 PM 1513 Views
To be fair, me and my fiance have been together for about as long as they have - 19/04/2011 02:57:03 PM 1316 Views
I don't know about everyone but things changed when we got married - 19/04/2011 03:16:11 PM 1396 Views
How did things change? - 19/04/2011 04:14:56 PM 1444 Views
Like I said I can only speak for myself - 19/04/2011 04:54:04 PM 1400 Views
There's already a 10 year old in the picture for us - 19/04/2011 06:52:44 PM 1393 Views
My husband and I don't understand why people say this. - 20/04/2011 01:03:31 AM 1512 Views
I did say I was only speaking for myself - 20/04/2011 01:58:45 PM 1426 Views
I know. - 20/04/2011 09:01:11 PM 1648 Views
Sorry for some reason I thought you had just got married. - 20/04/2011 09:52:24 PM 1842 Views
Good luck to them! *NM* - 22/04/2011 04:25:38 AM 694 Views
From the information that you have presented... - 19/04/2011 03:50:19 PM 1530 Views
I am in agreement with you, and I'm not particularly Christian. - 19/04/2011 04:11:57 PM 1331 Views
Could go either way. - 19/04/2011 04:36:02 PM 1335 Views
I get the impression that it's more about her forming toward him than vice versa - 19/04/2011 06:56:37 PM 1363 Views
Giving up is one thing, growing past is another. - 19/04/2011 10:00:55 PM 1319 Views
Oh, to be fair, he's the friend and she's the wife - 20/04/2011 08:43:12 AM 1250 Views
I don't necessarily think it will end in a breakup or divorce. - 19/04/2011 04:44:11 PM 1336 Views
I think this is about priorities. - 20/04/2011 01:07:20 AM 1518 Views
Our priorities may shift over time, too. We're still very young and more tied to our families. - 20/04/2011 03:09:54 AM 1324 Views
Even when younger, I was independent. - 20/04/2011 05:29:59 AM 1272 Views
*nods* - 20/04/2011 06:25:29 AM 1398 Views
- 22/04/2011 04:29:32 AM 1590 Views
Not the former for sure, and maybe not the latter. - 19/04/2011 05:55:03 PM 1388 Views
Can't tell. - 19/04/2011 10:04:27 PM 1332 Views
I'm with the 'can't tell' crowd. - 19/04/2011 11:37:17 PM 1746 Views
hell, or she could just not care too much at all - 19/04/2011 11:43:21 PM 1326 Views
I'm leaning more towards your interpretation. *NM* - 20/04/2011 02:15:22 AM 650 Views
I'm with you on this. *NM* - 20/04/2011 10:00:41 AM 734 Views
*sigh* - 20/04/2011 09:25:02 PM 1455 Views
Re: I mean, it's not good. *NM* - 20/04/2011 11:50:21 PM 637 Views

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