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Our priorities may shift over time, too. We're still very young and more tied to our families. Clover Send a noteboard - 20/04/2011 03:09:54 AM
I mean, Nick would like me to visit his family when he goes, but it's not of the utmost importance that I do so. I probably won't go if his brother is involved because we got into it and I don't like him. Nick understands and respects that. But at the same time, he doesn't particularly like his brother either. ;)
It just depends on the people involved. I'm sad that you would rather not go and feel like you're obligated to go anyway, but maybe your relationship works better that way. To each his own.


I don't think he cares so much about me visiting his family; it's more about spending time together - this is the first he's taken off work since we moved to WA, and it would sadden both of us to be apart for that entire week. It's just that I'd rather be together in Hawaii. :P But, I respect that we can't simply cut all ties with IL, since we both spent almost our entire lives there up to this point. And for him many of those ties are positive. We are also getting married next year with his parents potentially contributing towards the wedding.

These things are always complicated, aren't they? Sareitha made a good point when she talked about weighing how much you do/don't want to do something vs. how much your partner wants you to, and deciding based on that. That's basically the formula we follow, with some consideration given to what is expected of us by others, too.

I think that in five years, we probably won't go back very often.
This message last edited by Clover on 20/04/2011 at 03:14:00 AM
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Relationship - positive development or signs of eventual break down? Helene - 19/04/2011 08:48:26 AM 2137 Views
Helene, I want to give you an answer but... Urza - 19/04/2011 08:58:45 AM 1265 Views
Fair enough Helene - 19/04/2011 10:01:51 AM 1220 Views
Not all inlaws are bad, you know, I prefer some of my inlaws to my own family. *NM* Macharius - 19/04/2011 01:56:03 PM 622 Views
inlaws are not always bad random thoughts - 19/04/2011 02:10:18 PM 1192 Views
I spend way more time with my in-laws than with my own family. Sareitha Sedai - 19/04/2011 02:17:41 PM 1152 Views
I'm like this with my future in-laws too. *NM* Clover - 19/04/2011 04:47:05 PM 604 Views
I think they are right ironclad - 19/04/2011 10:20:39 AM 1385 Views
I see your point Helene - 19/04/2011 10:42:51 AM 1363 Views
Re: I think they are right Macharius - 19/04/2011 01:59:57 PM 1233 Views
I think that's an unfair assumption. Sareitha Sedai - 19/04/2011 02:16:54 PM 1146 Views
What he said about his wife's mother Helene - 19/04/2011 02:59:32 PM 1307 Views
Ew. I would have a problem with that too. Something about that attitude makes me dig in my heels. Tashmere - 20/04/2011 01:37:38 AM 1068 Views
No offense... ironclad - 19/04/2011 02:35:53 PM 1297 Views
yes but have you found such a thing? random thoughts - 19/04/2011 03:05:35 PM 1228 Views
For now I have *NM* ironclad - 19/04/2011 03:08:17 PM 623 Views
how long has it been? *NM* random thoughts - 19/04/2011 03:16:32 PM 617 Views
Don't try to corrupt me with your long term pessimism ironclad - 19/04/2011 03:34:39 PM 1165 Views
sadly I seem attracted to the crazies *NM* random thoughts - 19/04/2011 04:08:14 PM 595 Views
Yes. But it didn't start out like that. Took years to chip away all our rough edges. Tashmere - 20/04/2011 01:40:29 AM 1241 Views
Could be either snoopcester - 19/04/2011 10:30:50 AM 1281 Views
True enough... Helene - 19/04/2011 10:44:28 AM 1250 Views
My opinion is the latter. Macharius - 19/04/2011 01:55:00 PM 1249 Views
He definitely has a point about realistic expectations Sareitha Sedai - 19/04/2011 01:56:49 PM 1238 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations Macharius - 19/04/2011 02:07:34 PM 1197 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations snoopcester - 19/04/2011 02:13:25 PM 1326 Views
I should have read this first. Sareitha Sedai - 19/04/2011 02:25:16 PM 1261 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations Sareitha Sedai - 19/04/2011 02:23:14 PM 1240 Views
You don't strike me as the "screeching-howler-monkey" type to begin with. *NM* Macharius - 19/04/2011 03:33:41 PM 603 Views
I love just about everything about you Sareitha. Good answers all. *NM* Tashmere - 20/04/2011 01:26:34 AM 573 Views
I translated "I will think about it" as a secret but obvious code for. "I don't really want to but Tashmere - 20/04/2011 01:34:36 AM 1352 Views
that's what I would have meant if I said "I'll think about it" *NM* LadyLorraine - 20/04/2011 02:00:33 AM 562 Views
The fact that you are referring to a fiancé and comparing it to wife says a lot random thoughts - 19/04/2011 02:09:27 PM 1338 Views
To be fair, me and my fiance have been together for about as long as they have Helene - 19/04/2011 02:57:03 PM 1153 Views
I don't know about everyone but things changed when we got married random thoughts - 19/04/2011 03:16:11 PM 1227 Views
How did things change? Helene - 19/04/2011 04:14:56 PM 1234 Views
Like I said I can only speak for myself random thoughts - 19/04/2011 04:54:04 PM 1245 Views
There's already a 10 year old in the picture for us Helene - 19/04/2011 06:52:44 PM 1213 Views
My husband and I don't understand why people say this. rebelaessedai - 20/04/2011 01:03:31 AM 1340 Views
I did say I was only speaking for myself random thoughts - 20/04/2011 01:58:45 PM 1238 Views
I know. rebelaessedai - 20/04/2011 09:01:11 PM 1447 Views
Sorry for some reason I thought you had just got married. random thoughts - 20/04/2011 09:52:24 PM 1679 Views
Good luck to them! *NM* rebelaessedai - 22/04/2011 04:25:38 AM 593 Views
Re: The fact that you are referring to a fiancé and comparing it to wife says a lot Tihs Tnuc - 19/04/2011 04:34:34 PM 1131 Views
From the information that you have presented... Jeordam - 19/04/2011 03:50:19 PM 1393 Views
I am in agreement with you, and I'm not particularly Christian. Helene - 19/04/2011 04:11:57 PM 1169 Views
Which is sad (not the agreement, but their potential future) Jeordam - 19/04/2011 06:29:47 PM 1237 Views
Oh yes... I'm of course not sure. I can be way off base :-) Let's hope I am. Helene - 19/04/2011 06:55:13 PM 1210 Views
Could go either way. Dannymac - 19/04/2011 04:36:02 PM 1180 Views
I get the impression that it's more about her forming toward him than vice versa Helene - 19/04/2011 06:56:37 PM 1193 Views
Giving up is one thing, growing past is another. Dannymac - 19/04/2011 10:00:55 PM 1159 Views
Oh, to be fair, he's the friend and she's the wife Helene - 20/04/2011 08:43:12 AM 1100 Views
I don't necessarily think it will end in a breakup or divorce. Clover - 19/04/2011 04:44:11 PM 1165 Views
I think you are 100% right about having a good realtionship with your spouse's family random thoughts - 19/04/2011 05:07:12 PM 1188 Views
I think this is about priorities. rebelaessedai - 20/04/2011 01:07:20 AM 1343 Views
Our priorities may shift over time, too. We're still very young and more tied to our families. Clover - 20/04/2011 03:09:54 AM 1172 Views
Even when younger, I was independent. rebelaessedai - 20/04/2011 05:29:59 AM 1125 Views
*nods* Clover - 20/04/2011 06:25:29 AM 1251 Views
rebelaessedai - 22/04/2011 04:29:32 AM 1426 Views
Not the former for sure, and maybe not the latter. Palatine - 19/04/2011 05:55:03 PM 1232 Views
I think it's impossible for me to judge their future status without knowing more about them LadyLorraine - 19/04/2011 07:22:32 PM 1192 Views
Can't tell. nossy - 19/04/2011 10:04:27 PM 1166 Views
I'm with the 'can't tell' crowd. Antigone - 19/04/2011 11:37:17 PM 1592 Views
hell, or she could just not care too much at all LadyLorraine - 19/04/2011 11:43:21 PM 1167 Views
What you said in the original question wouldn't neccessarily mean much to me either way. Tashmere - 20/04/2011 01:56:55 AM 1204 Views
It's not all out "she's worthless", it's more like "she's a bit silly with all her wishes" Helene - 20/04/2011 08:46:49 AM 1163 Views
That would still be a deal breaker for me. Tashmere - 20/04/2011 11:49:09 PM 1169 Views
I'm leaning more towards your interpretation. *NM* TaskmasterJack - 20/04/2011 02:15:22 AM 569 Views
I don't know. *NM* (I feel bad for the 20 people who viewed this message- my apologies) Vivien - 20/04/2011 04:36:13 AM 1230 Views
I'm with you on this. *NM* Camilla - 20/04/2011 10:00:41 AM 628 Views
*sigh* Yunalesca - 20/04/2011 09:25:02 PM 1309 Views
Re: I mean, it's not good. *NM* Gaps - 20/04/2011 11:50:21 PM 557 Views
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