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That's not really advice Dark Knight Send a noteboard - 12/02/2013 01:28:42 AM
What you're doing is wrong, one way or another it has to stop before you hurt your wife.

Maybe you have the same feelings, or you have personal experience with this type of thing, etc. Just telling somebody to grow up is childish and not in the least bit helpful. I'm being serious here. I would like to hear opinions, not snide remarks.

... is that what you're doing is wrong, and that one way or another it has to stop before you hurt your wife.

If you actually want to hear opinions, then that really is an opinion. Even if you haven't physically cheated yet, it sounds like you're pretty deep into emotional cheating.

Another opinion? I think that if you dedicate yourself to a person, you ought to be dedicated to that person. Maybe there's nothing wrong with a little friendly flirting, but what you've described sounds a lot worse than that. If you actually need that feeling and can't get it from your wife, then maybe marriage isn't for you. If you don't literally need it, if you can live without it, and if your wife means more to you than that feeling, then stop.

If there's something that's tempting to you, that you're maybe sort of addicted to like you describe, then you have a choice. Either you keep playing with it until you get burned, or you man up and make a decision one way or another. Is the addiction and temptation worth the risk, worth the possible eventual consequences? If not, then stop. Whatever it takes, be stronger than it. Because in the end it's a choice.

I can't speak for your wife, but if I were married to someone and I found out they were making deep, emotional connections to other guys, flirting with them and touching them and barely resisting the urge to have an affair with them, I would not be happy at all. It would hurt pretty damn badly. I wouldn't want to be married to someone who would do that to me.

My advice is, be a better person, make the change in yourself, do it the hard way. If you love your wife, do it for her.

If you can't, or if you refuse to try, then you're putting someone else's happiness on the line so you can satisfy your own, and in my opinion that sort of unilateral selfishness doesn't belong in a marriage.


You used a lot of words to basically say "Buck up." Yes, I know a person is suppose to be good and not do these things. I'm not stupid. But it's almost like a compulsion. I'm more interested in somebody (and not judging, like you) saying they had a similar situation and this is how they figured it out. Or somebody might have some zen advice or something. But things like, don't do it or get divorced, is not advice. I'm not mentally retarded, I know the absolutes to this situation. I'm looking for a solution, some type of middle ground. Because obviously I can't stop cold turkey.
Formerly Mat Bloody Cauthon on Wotmania, blessed be its name
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I am on the verge of having an affair Dark Knight - 11/02/2013 11:41:57 PM 2047 Views
Ditch the wife or stop being a prat. TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 12:30:30 AM 1312 Views
Great. Helpful advice Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 12:33:36 AM 1190 Views
What exactly do you want to hear? TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 12:47:06 AM 1179 Views
I don't know, something helpful Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 12:59:23 AM 1246 Views
The telling you to grow up bit wasn't the advice TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 01:09:54 AM 1197 Views
So there is no situation in which advice helps? Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 01:23:21 AM 1222 Views
I didn't say nobody could help you at all TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 01:41:19 AM 1202 Views
You're assuming a moral absolute Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 02:06:13 AM 1392 Views
It is called forsaking all others, and yes there are absolutes. HyogaRott - 13/02/2013 05:58:20 PM 1292 Views
My opinion ... Nate - 12/02/2013 01:21:38 AM 1230 Views
That's not really advice Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 01:28:42 AM 1265 Views
Why is it obvious? Nate - 12/02/2013 01:42:26 AM 1273 Views
That's exactly what I'm looking for Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 02:11:51 AM 1426 Views
I don't know if that's realistic. Nate - 12/02/2013 05:46:48 AM 1183 Views
Get therapy or get a divorce. Your wife deserves better than the person you're being now. *NM* Ghavrel - 12/02/2013 04:00:38 AM 672 Views
Careful you don't fall off that high horse Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 04:53:11 AM 1254 Views
You might try 4chan. Their morals seem more in line with the ones you're currently espousing. *NM* Ghavrel - 13/02/2013 09:29:04 AM 630 Views
What exactly did you want to hear? Dannymac - 12/02/2013 04:31:56 AM 1123 Views
More holier-than-thou judgment. Great thanks. *NM* Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 04:50:36 AM 786 Views
Well, he's a pastor, so he probably is holier-than-thou. *NM* Aeryn - 12/02/2013 07:48:55 PM 639 Views
So what you wanted was a high five? Dannymac - 13/02/2013 04:21:57 PM 1145 Views
role play. *NM* temeraire - 12/02/2013 04:41:07 AM 662 Views
I appreciate something other than judgment. Thank you! Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 04:51:56 AM 1249 Views
i was poly for a decade. maybe that's a thing to consider? opening your marriage for both of you? temeraire - 13/02/2013 05:12:06 AM 1101 Views
If you don't have kids, then just leave the marriage or have an open relationship. *NM* Tom - 12/02/2013 05:19:27 AM 608 Views
You have 4 options A Deathwatch Guard - 12/02/2013 06:03:43 AM 1182 Views
If it isn't about the sex then swinging really won't help *NM* random thoughts - 12/02/2013 12:55:27 PM 626 Views
Number one is not an option, it is a looming and growing disaster. Joel - 13/02/2013 02:57:19 PM 1176 Views
So, you ask for advice, then get upset when you don't like it? MightyYT - 12/02/2013 06:04:07 AM 1182 Views
I'm not sure there's enough context to offer much useful advice, but I'd line up incentives Isaac - 12/02/2013 08:29:41 AM 1250 Views
It's probably the way you phrased it. Rebekah - 12/02/2013 08:41:06 AM 1375 Views
find another passion random thoughts - 12/02/2013 01:01:10 PM 1121 Views
I don't judge you. I am exactly the same way. ironclad - 12/02/2013 01:56:58 PM 1313 Views
I don't give a shit about polyamory. I give a shit about honesty. Ghavrel - 13/02/2013 09:26:56 AM 1168 Views
That's why I told him it's not okay, if he is lying to her. *NM* ironclad - 13/02/2013 10:00:04 AM 627 Views
That was kind of my take. Joel - 13/02/2013 02:53:05 PM 1363 Views
I get where you're coming from Orange - 12/02/2013 01:57:48 PM 1238 Views
Here is my advice. callandor1000 - 12/02/2013 03:49:55 PM 1444 Views
Well said. Joel - 13/02/2013 03:16:13 PM 1159 Views
LOL Dragonsoul - 12/02/2013 03:54:46 PM 1166 Views
Nice choice of words, there ironclad - 12/02/2013 04:04:15 PM 1222 Views
I don't know if I agree that you should talk to her about this. Sareitha Sedai - 12/02/2013 04:30:14 PM 1313 Views
If walking the line is the thrill, then keep walking the line. Aeryn - 12/02/2013 07:44:59 PM 1337 Views
Seeing your edit, I'm not sure you'll read this.... Jeordam - 12/02/2013 11:20:46 PM 1218 Views
The thrill of the chase ßelals Girl - 13/02/2013 02:38:59 PM 1173 Views
Do you want help making a decision, or validation of one already made? Joel - 13/02/2013 02:47:59 PM 1214 Views
Hehe, love that things are pretty much the same around here. *NM* Nefarious - 14/02/2013 12:29:56 AM 636 Views
I feel sorry for you *NM* Yunalesca - 14/02/2013 01:10:10 AM 712 Views
Best thing you can do is travel around and stay in hostels Sports_Gambler - 14/02/2013 02:24:50 AM 1197 Views
Be open to your wife about how you feel. Timthetrolloc - 14/02/2013 10:24:13 PM 1086 Views
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