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That's exactly what I'm looking for Dark Knight Send a noteboard - 12/02/2013 02:11:51 AM
You used a lot of words to basically say "Buck up." Yes, I know a person is suppose to be good and not do these things. I'm not stupid. But it's almost like a compulsion. I'm more interested in somebody (and not judging, like you) saying they had a similar situation and this is how they figured it out. Or somebody might have some zen advice or something. But things like, don't do it or get divorced, is not advice. I'm not mentally retarded, I know the absolutes to this situation. I'm looking for a solution, some type of middle ground. Because obviously I can't stop cold turkey.

It's entirely possible to stop things cold turkey. I mean, as far as I know there are only two basic theories of breaking an addiction (though I could be wrong about that). Either you stop cold turkey and deal with your own withdrawal issues until you tough it out and break the addiction, or you gradually try to lessen your dependance in stages. Results vary by willpower. Probably some things respond better to one way and some to another.

I mean, do you think that you could gradually lessen your dependance in stages? If so, give it a shot, at least you're working toward fixing things. If you don't think you can, then cold turkey is your other option.

Because when you talk about a middle ground ... what exactly are you thinking? That you want to be able to flirt with other women without feeling as though you're at risk of sleeping with them? If that's it, well ... I'm no expert, but if the solution you want involves you still getting to flirt a bunch with other women while married, then my opinion is still that you need to think long and hard about what being married really means. When you got married things stopped being just about you. You sound like you know that, but your actions are continuing to lean in the other direction.


I don't think harmless flirting is wrong. But what I'm doing is not harmless. I take it too far. I want to get to the point where I feel no inclination, or at least able to stop the flirting when it goes too far. It's my personality. I love to flirt. But I need to keep it under control, to where the woman is completely aware that I'm not serious in my flirting.

So basically, are you willing to try to put a stop to at least anything other than surface level friendly flirting? If so, then pick your poison as to addiction treatment methods, make yourself a plan, set goals. You're the only one who can make it happen, no matter what anyone here has to say.

But as to finding stories, maybe you will find someone here with a similar experience who is willing to talk about it, or maybe you'll have to turn to Google. For now, I guess all you've got is jerks like me.
Formerly Mat Bloody Cauthon on Wotmania, blessed be its name
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I am on the verge of having an affair Dark Knight - 11/02/2013 11:41:57 PM 2123 Views
Ditch the wife or stop being a prat. TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 12:30:30 AM 1378 Views
Great. Helpful advice Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 12:33:36 AM 1250 Views
What exactly do you want to hear? TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 12:47:06 AM 1255 Views
I don't know, something helpful Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 12:59:23 AM 1311 Views
The telling you to grow up bit wasn't the advice TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 01:09:54 AM 1272 Views
So there is no situation in which advice helps? Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 01:23:21 AM 1287 Views
I didn't say nobody could help you at all TheCrownless - 12/02/2013 01:41:19 AM 1267 Views
You're assuming a moral absolute Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 02:06:13 AM 1485 Views
It is called forsaking all others, and yes there are absolutes. HyogaRott - 13/02/2013 05:58:20 PM 1351 Views
My opinion ... Nate - 12/02/2013 01:21:38 AM 1295 Views
That's not really advice Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 01:28:42 AM 1337 Views
Why is it obvious? Nate - 12/02/2013 01:42:26 AM 1357 Views
That's exactly what I'm looking for Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 02:11:51 AM 1504 Views
I don't know if that's realistic. Nate - 12/02/2013 05:46:48 AM 1262 Views
Get therapy or get a divorce. Your wife deserves better than the person you're being now. *NM* Ghavrel - 12/02/2013 04:00:38 AM 713 Views
Careful you don't fall off that high horse Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 04:53:11 AM 1325 Views
You might try 4chan. Their morals seem more in line with the ones you're currently espousing. *NM* Ghavrel - 13/02/2013 09:29:04 AM 672 Views
What exactly did you want to hear? Dannymac - 12/02/2013 04:31:56 AM 1183 Views
More holier-than-thou judgment. Great thanks. *NM* Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 04:50:36 AM 835 Views
Well, he's a pastor, so he probably is holier-than-thou. *NM* Aeryn - 12/02/2013 07:48:55 PM 670 Views
So what you wanted was a high five? Dannymac - 13/02/2013 04:21:57 PM 1214 Views
role play. *NM* temeraire - 12/02/2013 04:41:07 AM 703 Views
I appreciate something other than judgment. Thank you! Dark Knight - 12/02/2013 04:51:56 AM 1307 Views
i was poly for a decade. maybe that's a thing to consider? opening your marriage for both of you? temeraire - 13/02/2013 05:12:06 AM 1165 Views
If you don't have kids, then just leave the marriage or have an open relationship. *NM* Tom - 12/02/2013 05:19:27 AM 635 Views
You have 4 options A Deathwatch Guard - 12/02/2013 06:03:43 AM 1264 Views
If it isn't about the sex then swinging really won't help *NM* random thoughts - 12/02/2013 12:55:27 PM 662 Views
Number one is not an option, it is a looming and growing disaster. Joel - 13/02/2013 02:57:19 PM 1255 Views
So, you ask for advice, then get upset when you don't like it? MightyYT - 12/02/2013 06:04:07 AM 1254 Views
I'm not sure there's enough context to offer much useful advice, but I'd line up incentives Isaac - 12/02/2013 08:29:41 AM 1319 Views
It's probably the way you phrased it. Rebekah - 12/02/2013 08:41:06 AM 1435 Views
find another passion random thoughts - 12/02/2013 01:01:10 PM 1179 Views
I don't judge you. I am exactly the same way. ironclad - 12/02/2013 01:56:58 PM 1380 Views
I don't give a shit about polyamory. I give a shit about honesty. Ghavrel - 13/02/2013 09:26:56 AM 1228 Views
That's why I told him it's not okay, if he is lying to her. *NM* ironclad - 13/02/2013 10:00:04 AM 670 Views
That was kind of my take. Joel - 13/02/2013 02:53:05 PM 1433 Views
I get where you're coming from Orange - 12/02/2013 01:57:48 PM 1308 Views
Here is my advice. callandor1000 - 12/02/2013 03:49:55 PM 1523 Views
Well said. Joel - 13/02/2013 03:16:13 PM 1243 Views
LOL Dragonsoul - 12/02/2013 03:54:46 PM 1236 Views
Nice choice of words, there ironclad - 12/02/2013 04:04:15 PM 1292 Views
I don't know if I agree that you should talk to her about this. Sareitha Sedai - 12/02/2013 04:30:14 PM 1389 Views
If walking the line is the thrill, then keep walking the line. Aeryn - 12/02/2013 07:44:59 PM 1406 Views
Seeing your edit, I'm not sure you'll read this.... Jeordam - 12/02/2013 11:20:46 PM 1300 Views
The thrill of the chase ßelals Girl - 13/02/2013 02:38:59 PM 1239 Views
Do you want help making a decision, or validation of one already made? Joel - 13/02/2013 02:47:59 PM 1280 Views
Hehe, love that things are pretty much the same around here. *NM* Nefarious - 14/02/2013 12:29:56 AM 660 Views
I feel sorry for you *NM* Yunalesca - 14/02/2013 01:10:10 AM 746 Views
Best thing you can do is travel around and stay in hostels Sports_Gambler - 14/02/2013 02:24:50 AM 1270 Views
Be open to your wife about how you feel. Timthetrolloc - 14/02/2013 10:24:13 PM 1175 Views
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