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Our priorities may shift over time, too. We're still very young and more tied to our families. Clover Send a noteboard - 20/04/2011 03:09:54 AM
I mean, Nick would like me to visit his family when he goes, but it's not of the utmost importance that I do so. I probably won't go if his brother is involved because we got into it and I don't like him. Nick understands and respects that. But at the same time, he doesn't particularly like his brother either. ;)
It just depends on the people involved. I'm sad that you would rather not go and feel like you're obligated to go anyway, but maybe your relationship works better that way. To each his own.


I don't think he cares so much about me visiting his family; it's more about spending time together - this is the first he's taken off work since we moved to WA, and it would sadden both of us to be apart for that entire week. It's just that I'd rather be together in Hawaii. :P But, I respect that we can't simply cut all ties with IL, since we both spent almost our entire lives there up to this point. And for him many of those ties are positive. We are also getting married next year with his parents potentially contributing towards the wedding.

These things are always complicated, aren't they? Sareitha made a good point when she talked about weighing how much you do/don't want to do something vs. how much your partner wants you to, and deciding based on that. That's basically the formula we follow, with some consideration given to what is expected of us by others, too.

I think that in five years, we probably won't go back very often.
This message last edited by Clover on 20/04/2011 at 03:14:00 AM
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Relationship - positive development or signs of eventual break down? Helene - 19/04/2011 08:48:26 AM 2203 Views
Helene, I want to give you an answer but... Urza - 19/04/2011 08:58:45 AM 1321 Views
Fair enough Helene - 19/04/2011 10:01:51 AM 1270 Views
Not all inlaws are bad, you know, I prefer some of my inlaws to my own family. *NM* Macharius - 19/04/2011 01:56:03 PM 653 Views
inlaws are not always bad random thoughts - 19/04/2011 02:10:18 PM 1252 Views
I spend way more time with my in-laws than with my own family. Sareitha Sedai - 19/04/2011 02:17:41 PM 1219 Views
I'm like this with my future in-laws too. *NM* Clover - 19/04/2011 04:47:05 PM 632 Views
I think they are right ironclad - 19/04/2011 10:20:39 AM 1443 Views
I see your point Helene - 19/04/2011 10:42:51 AM 1420 Views
Re: I think they are right Macharius - 19/04/2011 01:59:57 PM 1293 Views
I think that's an unfair assumption. Sareitha Sedai - 19/04/2011 02:16:54 PM 1202 Views
What he said about his wife's mother Helene - 19/04/2011 02:59:32 PM 1364 Views
Ew. I would have a problem with that too. Something about that attitude makes me dig in my heels. Tashmere - 20/04/2011 01:37:38 AM 1122 Views
No offense... ironclad - 19/04/2011 02:35:53 PM 1354 Views
yes but have you found such a thing? random thoughts - 19/04/2011 03:05:35 PM 1287 Views
For now I have *NM* ironclad - 19/04/2011 03:08:17 PM 653 Views
how long has it been? *NM* random thoughts - 19/04/2011 03:16:32 PM 647 Views
Don't try to corrupt me with your long term pessimism ironclad - 19/04/2011 03:34:39 PM 1221 Views
sadly I seem attracted to the crazies *NM* random thoughts - 19/04/2011 04:08:14 PM 615 Views
Yes. But it didn't start out like that. Took years to chip away all our rough edges. Tashmere - 20/04/2011 01:40:29 AM 1302 Views
Could be either snoopcester - 19/04/2011 10:30:50 AM 1340 Views
True enough... Helene - 19/04/2011 10:44:28 AM 1311 Views
My opinion is the latter. Macharius - 19/04/2011 01:55:00 PM 1308 Views
He definitely has a point about realistic expectations Sareitha Sedai - 19/04/2011 01:56:49 PM 1304 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations Macharius - 19/04/2011 02:07:34 PM 1255 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations snoopcester - 19/04/2011 02:13:25 PM 1386 Views
I should have read this first. Sareitha Sedai - 19/04/2011 02:25:16 PM 1318 Views
Re: He definitely has a point about realistic expectations Sareitha Sedai - 19/04/2011 02:23:14 PM 1292 Views
You don't strike me as the "screeching-howler-monkey" type to begin with. *NM* Macharius - 19/04/2011 03:33:41 PM 630 Views
I love just about everything about you Sareitha. Good answers all. *NM* Tashmere - 20/04/2011 01:26:34 AM 605 Views
I translated "I will think about it" as a secret but obvious code for. "I don't really want to but Tashmere - 20/04/2011 01:34:36 AM 1405 Views
that's what I would have meant if I said "I'll think about it" *NM* LadyLorraine - 20/04/2011 02:00:33 AM 591 Views
The fact that you are referring to a fiancé and comparing it to wife says a lot random thoughts - 19/04/2011 02:09:27 PM 1393 Views
To be fair, me and my fiance have been together for about as long as they have Helene - 19/04/2011 02:57:03 PM 1214 Views
I don't know about everyone but things changed when we got married random thoughts - 19/04/2011 03:16:11 PM 1292 Views
How did things change? Helene - 19/04/2011 04:14:56 PM 1300 Views
Like I said I can only speak for myself random thoughts - 19/04/2011 04:54:04 PM 1293 Views
There's already a 10 year old in the picture for us Helene - 19/04/2011 06:52:44 PM 1271 Views
My husband and I don't understand why people say this. rebelaessedai - 20/04/2011 01:03:31 AM 1397 Views
I did say I was only speaking for myself random thoughts - 20/04/2011 01:58:45 PM 1301 Views
I know. rebelaessedai - 20/04/2011 09:01:11 PM 1507 Views
Sorry for some reason I thought you had just got married. random thoughts - 20/04/2011 09:52:24 PM 1744 Views
Good luck to them! *NM* rebelaessedai - 22/04/2011 04:25:38 AM 624 Views
Re: The fact that you are referring to a fiancé and comparing it to wife says a lot Tihs Tnuc - 19/04/2011 04:34:34 PM 1184 Views
From the information that you have presented... Jeordam - 19/04/2011 03:50:19 PM 1442 Views
I am in agreement with you, and I'm not particularly Christian. Helene - 19/04/2011 04:11:57 PM 1239 Views
Which is sad (not the agreement, but their potential future) Jeordam - 19/04/2011 06:29:47 PM 1296 Views
Oh yes... I'm of course not sure. I can be way off base :-) Let's hope I am. Helene - 19/04/2011 06:55:13 PM 1275 Views
Could go either way. Dannymac - 19/04/2011 04:36:02 PM 1237 Views
I get the impression that it's more about her forming toward him than vice versa Helene - 19/04/2011 06:56:37 PM 1252 Views
Giving up is one thing, growing past is another. Dannymac - 19/04/2011 10:00:55 PM 1221 Views
Oh, to be fair, he's the friend and she's the wife Helene - 20/04/2011 08:43:12 AM 1158 Views
I don't necessarily think it will end in a breakup or divorce. Clover - 19/04/2011 04:44:11 PM 1231 Views
I think you are 100% right about having a good realtionship with your spouse's family random thoughts - 19/04/2011 05:07:12 PM 1252 Views
I think this is about priorities. rebelaessedai - 20/04/2011 01:07:20 AM 1395 Views
Our priorities may shift over time, too. We're still very young and more tied to our families. Clover - 20/04/2011 03:09:54 AM 1225 Views
Even when younger, I was independent. rebelaessedai - 20/04/2011 05:29:59 AM 1178 Views
*nods* Clover - 20/04/2011 06:25:29 AM 1299 Views
rebelaessedai - 22/04/2011 04:29:32 AM 1484 Views
Not the former for sure, and maybe not the latter. Palatine - 19/04/2011 05:55:03 PM 1300 Views
I think it's impossible for me to judge their future status without knowing more about them LadyLorraine - 19/04/2011 07:22:32 PM 1253 Views
Can't tell. nossy - 19/04/2011 10:04:27 PM 1225 Views
I'm with the 'can't tell' crowd. Antigone - 19/04/2011 11:37:17 PM 1650 Views
hell, or she could just not care too much at all LadyLorraine - 19/04/2011 11:43:21 PM 1229 Views
What you said in the original question wouldn't neccessarily mean much to me either way. Tashmere - 20/04/2011 01:56:55 AM 1254 Views
It's not all out "she's worthless", it's more like "she's a bit silly with all her wishes" Helene - 20/04/2011 08:46:49 AM 1221 Views
That would still be a deal breaker for me. Tashmere - 20/04/2011 11:49:09 PM 1220 Views
I'm leaning more towards your interpretation. *NM* TaskmasterJack - 20/04/2011 02:15:22 AM 598 Views
I don't know. *NM* (I feel bad for the 20 people who viewed this message- my apologies) Vivien - 20/04/2011 04:36:13 AM 1286 Views
I'm with you on this. *NM* Camilla - 20/04/2011 10:00:41 AM 656 Views
*sigh* Yunalesca - 20/04/2011 09:25:02 PM 1359 Views
Re: I mean, it's not good. *NM* Gaps - 20/04/2011 11:50:21 PM 582 Views
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