I don't know what misconceptions about Mormons others on this site might have, but I have a few questions for you Cap'n:

1) Are there any Mormon pop stars/rock bands?

2) Do Mormons ever 'binge-drink' and pass out on the front lawn?

3) What substances do your Mormon shamans use to commune with the spirit world?

4) Why do friendly Mormons assume I don't know who Jesus Christ is? (Or, as well, where he currently resides).

5) I am a polite and kind-hearted man, most of the time. Why is it that, when strolling to a friend's house with some wine, with the intent on putting the wine inside me and being merry, that I was stopped by two men in suits who wanted me to see the error of my ways and not put the wine inside me? I had paid good money for that wine. I told them my plans and they replied "That doesn't seem like a good idea." I told them it seemed like an excellent idea.

6) Do your Mormon shamans prescribe any substances to encourage a full and rounded spiritual experience within your congregation? If not, how is your congregation expected to engage and develop fully with the spiritual world having not been given the chance to expand upon the limited awareness currently on offer?

7) What are your views on Quorn?

8. I believe all religions come from the same root message (Just be cool dudes to one another) and that the rest is just details. Your thoughts on the massive waste of time people spend arguing about these details?

9) Can't we all just get along?

10) If we all get along, does that mean I won't get shouted by strangers for buying and planning to drink a nice red shiraz?

Thanks for your time. Just so you know, I respect all religions and firmly believe it is your right to worship whoever and whatever you choose. I also firmly believe that one day my tongue will not be wedged so firmly in my cheek, and that one day I will return to the shamans of my tribe, and will return to them the spirit of the fire god Bashti that I stole and consumed and continue to use for my own amusement.

Cheers!